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Posted 5/18/2008 1:24 PM (GMT 0)

Hello! 

 

I have been seeing a therapist/psychologist for the past year for my long-standing anxiety problem, and I have made strides in developing coping skills and determining the root cause of it all.

 

Lately, though, I have been dealing with a situation where my coping skills are not working.  I have some neighbors who are inconsiderate to others by constantly causing noise disturbances.  They insist on playing their music with a heavy “thumping” bass which I can hear and feel in my home.  Also, one of the neighbors has had two outdoor parties in the past month with a live band in their backyard (8+ straight hours of LOUD music).  In the past, I have usually tried to be considerate to their ignorance by tuning out the disturbances, but I am becoming more and more stressed with each disturbance.  After the latest incident (one of the outdoor parties), though, I contacted the local police and asked them to have the neighbor turn down the volume (the police did respond), only to little avail (volume did not stay low for very long).  I am tired of having my private sanctuary violated time and time again.

 

Somehow this latest incident is causing me severe anxiety.  I have slept 4 hours in the past 2 days, I have very little appetite, I am having irrational thoughts about possible future events (expecting more frequent outdoor parties, little cooperation/help from the police), and I feel I am near paranoid, constantly wondering when the next disturbance will occur.  My meditation exercise has been futile in coping with the anxiety.  As much as I try to take my mind off the situation, my mind inevitably wanders back to it.  I keep telling myself that I’m having irrational thoughts, but I will not allow myself to believe this.

 

What can I do to win this battle with anxiety?

 

Glen

 

Posted 5/18/2008 2:00 PM (GMT 0)

Glen

Welcome to HealingWell and the A & P forum.  I am sorry you have been subjected to the inconsiderate neighbors. 

Have you ever considered CBT Therapy.  There is information right here at the top of the forum re the CBT therapy and many of the members have used this therapy to help them deal with their anxiety.

Also I would certainly communicate to your therapist how you are feeling and get a professional opinion on how to cope.

I am so happy you joined our family of caring and supportive members. Stick with us. 

Sincerely
Kitt

Posted 5/18/2008 2:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Glen,   Welcome to the Healing Well family, we are very happy that you have found and joined this wonderful group of people.  We are all extremely supportive of one another and will do what we can to help each other.   I am truly sorry that your neighbors are so inconsiderate to you and to the rest of the neighborhood.  They apparently just don't care about others.   As Kitt suggested CBT Therapy may be a good resource for you and it's at the top of the page in the Anxiety-Panic Resources section.  There is also a Relaxation Techniques thread there that may also be useful to you.  Maybe coming up with some different types of coping through these threads and your therapist may be helpful to you.  Just a question for you, have you tried talking to them?  Not that it would necessarily help, but it might.  Maybe they would at least warn you of the next party and you could possibly be somewhere during the duration of that party.  I sure hope your neighbors start being more considerate to you and your needs.   Again, welcome to Healing Well - keep posting to let us know how you are doing and we will do our best to continue to help you.  You have the best supportive site there is!!   Take care, Wen
Posted 5/18/2008 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for welcoming me to your wonderful site!

I will start practicing the CBT therapy right away.

As for the neighbors, my wife tells me that they don't know any better. She says not to anticipate (have pre-conceived thoughts about) situations that haven't occured yet; we'll just deal with each situation as they occur. She is somehow able to tune out most of the noise disturbances. I can only hope to be able to do that eventually.

My wife also reminded me about the Serenity Prayer ("... grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change").

I need sleep. I have been awake for 27+ straight hours.

Glen
Posted 5/18/2008 3:34 PM (GMT 0)
Glen,   By all means YES you need to sleep.  Lack of sleep only makes the anxiety and stress worse than it already is.  Please get some sleep and I bet you will feel better.  Your wife has some great advice for you and you just have to take things as they come and you cannot anticipate what may/may not happen.  We are very happy to have you here with us, you will get lots of support here.   Get some sleep and take care, Wen
Posted 5/19/2008 1:14 AM (GMT 0)
Glen, a very warm welcome to HW, I am so happy you are here.  It sounds like you are going through hades right now with everything and I KNOW how awful it is to not be able to sleep.  It seems that you are doing all the right things for you right now, but if you need to vent please, please let it out here at HW, we are here to listen okay. We DO understand.

Posted 5/19/2008 1:48 AM (GMT 0)
I have tried speaking with my neighbors, but they do not speak English.

I talked with my wife and her brother about the anxiety I'm experiencing concerning the noise disturbances.  My wife says she has been able to tune out most of the noise because she has come to the realization that this is part of our neighbor's culture.  My brother-in-law told me to do what I can (talk to the offending neighbors, report a noise disturbance to the police), and if it doesn't solve the noise problem, then let it "roll off your back" because you've done everything you can.

I am going to visit the police department tomorrow to discuss the situation ... find out what courses of action I can take the next time there's a disturbance.  I am also going to "pick and choose" when I call the police.  I will reserve my complaints for the loud, outdoor parties and the noise disturbances after the 10 pm curfew. 

I'm feeling somewhat better after having the conversation with my wife and her brother, but I still have some anxiety.

Glen
Posted 5/19/2008 2:26 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Glen,

I went through the same thing last summer, trying not to anticipate it for this summer though. But I wont be suprised if it occurs again.

You have a good plan of action with your complaints. And like your brother in law said, if you can't beat that let it roll off of your back. Ours did eventually become background noise, I guess we just got use to it. And if I can't at night, I try to sleep during the day.

What I don't understand is why my neighbors don't complain. But when it stopped, they were sure happy. But they live closer to than I do and I don't know how they can stand it. Unless they are hard of hearing.LOL...

Good luck to you, and the cbt can help. It helps it become easier to tolerate.

karen
Posted 5/19/2008 2:31 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Glen,   To me it just doesn't matter what language these people speak, they are just plain rude.  They should have the common sense to be considerate of those around them.  However, having said that we know that you can't do anything about that.   I believe you are doing what's best for you and going to the police department to speak with them about what your recourses are for the next episode is a good step in the right direction.  When it comes up again, is there some way you can distract yourself, go somewhere, etc to get your mind away from the problem (I know, much easier said than done).    Please continue to come here to vent any time and we will be here to support you and help in any way we can.   Take care, Wen
Posted 5/19/2008 2:44 AM (GMT 0)
I've had these severe anxiety attacks before.  The first episode was the worst: lasted several months, lost 30 pounds in the first month, thoughts of suicide.  Subsequent episodes were of much shorter duration.  Each time, I found myself in a situation where I had little or no control/influence over the actions of the other parties involved so I could change the outcome of the situation in my favor.  But I still have difficulty accepting "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change".  Why should I have to compromise my personal space due to the inconsideration of a few others?  But ... I think the advice my brother-in-law gave me today makes sense.  Seek out all available options to try to change the situation in your favor.  But once you've exhausted those options and nothing has changed, just let it "roll off your back".  You've done everything you can.  Makes sense?  Yes (it does to me anyway).  Easier said than done?  Yes (in my case).  So ... I need to reinforce this belief in my mind until it becomes second nature.

Glen

Posted 5/19/2008 2:54 AM (GMT 0)
Karen,

I spoke with one of my neighbors last night. She has complained to the police on several occasions. However, she says her mother and a few other neighbors are reluctant to complain because they fear possible repercussions from the noise-making neighbors. I wish they would say something, but I realize that some people "don't want to make waves".

Glen
Posted 5/19/2008 3:53 AM (GMT 0)
Glen, the one thing we have in life is choice....I try to make my choices count by standing up for people who can't.  I know it's hard, but maybe you should be the person to "make waves" and make that choice to respect yourself.  It really changes lives.

Posted 5/19/2008 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
Glen,   I agree with Meg 100% - maybe you should be the one to be making the waves and maybe that way things can be resolved.  The more waves and the more people that make those waves the more things can get taken care of.  If there are enough complaints, whether from just a couple of people or a lot, then something has got to be done.  I hope all goes well and keep us posted.   Take care, Wen
Posted 6/9/2008 4:20 AM (GMT 0)
Well ... I managed to get my anxiety under control after heeding my brother-in-law's advice.

However, I "relapsed" today when my neighbors decided to have another outdoor party this evening (with a live band).  I knew this was going to happen when a delivery truck backed up into their backyard this morning (to deliver folding tables again, I assume).  I tried to stay calm throughout the day and distract my mind from the inevitable.  Finally, I decided to get out of the house for awhile.  It was around 4:30 pm, so I figured I had jumped to the wrong conclusion ... a party wasn't going to transpire after all.  Imagine my surprise, though, when I got home around 6:15 pm to loud music.  I immediately called the police, who arrived about a half hour later to squelch the noise.  Problem resolved ... for tonight anyway.  I should feel good, but I am dealing with anxiety instead.  As much as I am doing my best to replace negative thoughts with reinforcing positive thoughts, I am losing the battle.  "Am I going to have to call the police every other weekend to report a noise disturbance?"  "Are the police eventually going to tire of my complaints (will they think I'm just a chronic whiner)?"  "Are my neighbors going to be having another shindig next weekend?"  My stomach is in knots ... I am unable to relax or concentrate.  So I am writing this down in my journal for my next appointment with my psychologist on Tuesday.

Not only do these neighbors have these loud parties, but I have had to shoe some of their guests out of my driveway and away from my vehicles.  They just wander down the street and stop wherever they feel like stopping.  One time, I even had to stop a family from entering our backyard, thinking that the party was taking place at our house.

My wife did some research tonight and found out who owns the property (the offending neighbors are renters), and we are going to contact them about their tenants.  Also, I am going to stop at the police department and find out what other recourses are available to me.  I am kicking myself for not doing this after the last party.

On a side note,  I have been putting off the possibility that I will need to be put on meds to help me deal with my anxiety.  I'd rather not take meds again (I took Paxil about 5 years ago which helped to some degree), but I may have to face the realization that I cannot fully control my anxiety without meds.

Glen

 

Posted 6/9/2008 4:53 AM (GMT 0)
Glen, I respect you fully for taking these steps. No one should have to put up with that noise and problematic behaviour.  It would send my anxiety THROUGH THE ROOF. I hope it gets resolved and that your neighbours stop the noise assault on you and you wife. Let us know how you go.

Posted 6/9/2008 10:22 PM (GMT 0)
I spoke with the police department and the code enforcement desk this morning to find out what I can do to resolve this noise disturbance situation. 

The code enforcement people told me they do not deal with noise abatement issues.

The police department told me I would need to submit a complaint form the next time the police respond to a noise disturbance call.  I believe this leads to taking the offending neighbors to court.  I was hoping that the police would eventually cite them for violating the noise abatement code (after having responded to numerous disturbance calls and witnessing the loud music for themselves) without us having to submit a complaint form.  You don't see the police waiting for a complaint form to be submitted before they ticket someone who is exceeding the speed limit. 

If we end up submitting a complaint form, I hope that our neighbor across the street will be willing to submit one as well. 

My wife has left a voice message with the owner of the property.  We are awaiting a return call.

I am not one to "make waves", so I am treading unfamiliar territory.  That probably why I am still dealing with some anxiety from last night's event.  Both my blood pressure and heart rate are up a bit, so I am doing what I can to relax myself.    

Thanks for letting me vent.

Glen

Posted 6/9/2008 10:38 PM (GMT 0)

Glen,

I am sorry you are still having problems with the neighbors and I think your best bet is to continue to work with the landlord on the issue.  You should not have to be subject to loud parties  so frequently.  It is hard to take a stand and fill out the official complaint papers but you may have to do that.

As far as visiting your Phycisin, that is a good idea and may be the only way to go is to file an official complaint.

Take care

Kitt

Posted 6/15/2008 11:54 AM (GMT 0)
Some good news ...

My wife was able to locate the owners of the duplex whose tenants are throwing the loud parties.  They asked us to call them the very next time a party takes place.  The owners, for some reason, are paying for the utilities ... not the tenants ... and the parties may explain why their electric bills have been so sky high as of late.

This should put my mind at ease, right?  Well, it hasn't.  I've been doing okay during the week, but as soon as the weekend arrives, I begin to needlessly worry again ... unable to shake the irrational thoughts about another loud party which may probably not even transpire.  It's gotten to where I dread the impending weekend and can't wait for Monday to arrive.

I managed to clear my mind long enough to fall asleep last night, only to wake up 3 hours later with the same irrational thoughts.  It is now 4:30 in the morning and I have been awake for 2 hours.  I am so frustrated!!!  Why am I unable to fill my mind with reinforcing positive thoughts?

I saw my psychologist on Tuesday and discussed my current problem with him.  He said I shouldn't be worrying about the noise from another party that hasn't happened yet.  I asked him what I should do if another party does happen.  He said I should get out of the house (not always possible) or buy some noise-canceling headphones (which I am seriously considering, but I hope I can deal with wearing 'em for 8-10 hours at a time).  He also said it usually takes about a year to resolve a noisy neighbor problem, so I will need to be patient.  I just need to relax, clear my mind, and get some sleep (easier said than done for me). 

The day I am able to re-gain control of my thoughts cannot come soon enough for me.

Glen

 

Posted 6/15/2008 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
Glen,

That's good news that you can now go to the landlord about the problem as well.

I doubt that I can add anything you don't already know about the anticipatory anxiety. It is so hard sometimes to drive those unwanted thoughts away! I suppose if it were me, I'd have to try to sit quietly somewhere, breathe deeply, and chant to myself (aloud or not), "I've taken all the right steps. I have other people on my side. If a loud party happens again, there's help at hand and it'll be one step closer to over for good." I'm a good one for having to chant little mantras to myself when my anxiety's on the edge. Unfortunately, once it gets too bad, they don't work so well.

Hugs,
percycat
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