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Posted 6/30/2008 3:39 PM (GMT 0)
When I wake up in the mornings, I feel totally "out of it." It's the only way I can describe it. I feel like I'm still half asleep and not as attentive as I should be. I start having weird thoughts. And looking in the mirror makes me worry.. (I stare so hard that it doesn't even seem like me anymore) I'm starting to feel like I'm going crazy or something. I thought I was having anxiety but now.. I have no idea what is going on with me. I start to feel this way before bed also. But during the days, I usually feel fine for the most part.. I'm hoping it's all in my head, just me stressing out and trying to think of things that are wrong with me. I have OCD and health anxiety.. so I think I give my mind more power over me than it should. And I don't know how to stop. :(

Can anxiety do this to me or is this something else?

I should also add that I have a fear of literally going crazy.. so I think I'm just thinking of ways to make me feel like I am. I hate it.

Post Edited (Kiyuri) : 7/2/2008 10:23:39 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/30/2008 4:22 PM (GMT 0)
HI there
First if you were going crazy you would never know it ....
SO lets get that out of your head
'It sounds to me like you are going thru alot of anxiety issues
have you tried Journalling your thoughts
Do you see a cousellor
Are you on meds for a/p
Sorry for all the ?? but you have not put in post ........

I am OCD and I prefer we call it Health Anxiety not hypochodria...........thats what we call it here hun
It is prevalent amongst many with anxiety
WE are more in TUNE with our bodies I believe and we feel each thing that happens or feel like something is wrong
It is a proven fact that 6/10 times we are RIGHT there is an underlying cause for what we are feeling and why we are feeling that way
PlZ read thru some of the old threads
Get involved in the "Fun threads" as well

LAUGHTER is truly needed with this DD
Please do stay with us and know you are not alone anymore

Take care............LYN
YOU ARE NOT GOING CRAZY
Posted 6/30/2008 4:35 PM (GMT 0)
The whole looking in the mirror and getting freaked out thing is called "depersonalization," and it's a common symptom of anxiety disorders. That used to happen to me when I was alot younger, but doesn't anymore. Here's a link to read more:

http://www.panic-anxiety.com/depersonalization-derealization/

Don't worry, you're not going nuts and keep writing to us, we're here for you!

~Laura
Posted 6/30/2008 5:11 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for posting that
I am still in a bit of a fog .......
Remember this can be treated very successfully .........

Yes plz do keep posting..........LYN.
Posted 6/30/2008 5:24 PM (GMT 0)
Oh wow. Thank you, guys! What a load off my mind.. to know that I'm not crazy and most importantly I'm not alone! Thank you guys. :)
That link about depersonalization helped ease my mind so much, thank you. I was not aware that is what was happening but after reading over the site -- that's exactly how I'm feeling. Whew, nice to know I'm not going insane, lol.

I feel so much relief now, thank you.

And I apologize for my lack of information in the former post. I do not take meds nor do I see a counselor. I went to the health clinic the other day and was given a few numbers and places I can get in contact with. Places that deal with anxiety. So I'm looking forward to getting a hold of them and figure out whats my next step. (Just talking to the nurse made me feel a lot better!)

And "Health Anxiety" is a much better word, thank you. I will use that from now on.

...I've been reading up on depersonalization and it's a symptom of some really serious illnesses. How do I know its anxiety related or not?

Post Edited (Kiyuri) : 6/30/2008 11:45:25 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/30/2008 6:01 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for posting that link, Laura. I never realized that not recognizing yourself in the mirror is part of depersonalization. That happened to me a lot too when I was younger, but not so much now. I would also have it happen sometimes when I thought about myself or how I was thinking.

So, Kiyuri, you're not alone! I'm glad you've got some contact numbers for treatment geared toward anxiety. They'll help answer a lot of your questions too.

percycat
Posted 6/30/2008 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Im my experience
And with the posts from others I have read and felt the depersonization when I am in my worst of the anxiety and sometimes dont even know it .........
Like I say this is the sneakiest of all this anxiety and it will bring you to your knees stomp on ya and make sure it leaves footprints
IF YOU LET IT.......so always remember
You have Anxiety and Panic....... Steve..........
Anxiety and Panic do not have you
I have that in big letters on a bristol board over my puter,,,,,,,,,,,lol

For instance when mom passed away and then dad took ill
Also with marital breakup

Finding out about some DD I have as well as other serious stressors in my life ........

I honestly found that journalling helped as did the CBT and so did posting here as you did see you were NOT alone my friend..........
It truly does help you to bare your inner mos feelings on here and know that you are not judged........
No one here is alone anynore
This is a "Family"
Your reasons could be different
You may need a med or learn some techniques to help you out or /and a combo of both that is for you and therapist to decide or doctor........
This i why I believe putting down in writing what is going on ....you come to learn what your triggers are / at leasst I did
I am glad you are with us Steve and do hope you will continue to be part of this family

..............LYN.

LYN
Posted 6/30/2008 6:43 PM (GMT 0)
I'm glad that link helped to put your mind at ease. I remember when it was happening to me I felt almost constantly like I wasn't really me, or like the words coming out of my mouth were not really mine. At the time I had no idea it was anxiety related...in fact I don't know WHAT I thought was going on, but now that I'm aware of the fact that I have anxiety issues I can look back and see just how long things like this have been a problem.

Hope you feel better. Seeing a therapist has really helped me. Meditation has also helped, because it allows you to not be controlled so much by your mind doing weird things.
Posted 7/2/2008 1:23 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you guys. Your words and advice is really easing my mind right now.
I just woke up after only being asleep for 3-4 hours. I felt extremely anxious and scared when waking up. I hate when that happens.. it's so frightening. :( I found that the only thing to stop the racing thoughts was to watch tv. I finally decided to just get up and start my day.. but not looking forward to the fatigue I'm going to feel later.

The whole depersonalization stuff.. ugh, it's starting to freak me out. Now that I know what it is, I notice it a lot more. If I could describe the way I'm feeling in one word.. it'd be "automatic" It's everything I do.. I do and don't even realize until a bit later. It worries me. I pray every day that God will bless me and help me through the day. It's starting to get in the way of everything - it's so hard to get things done. My job is babysitting my 10mo old niece and I'm always afraid.. what if I panic while she's here and can't take care of her. And sometimes I . This is SO not like me. I'm a happy person. Spiritual, I see the good in everything.. I don't know why this is happening to me. I just want to either get rid of this or find ways to cope with it. I was not wanting to take meds.. but I think I'm starting to. Anything to help this. :|

I'm having trouble finding places and counselors for me to see. All the ones I've called aren't accepting new patients.. I'm going to call a few places today. I'm so ready for a change.. or at least someone to tell me why this is happening.

**Edited a couple of words due to the age group here (13) and rules of HW please do make sure you read them ** any questions email me and I will explain......LYN

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 7/2/2008 12:08:16 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/2/2008 4:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Kiyuri,
I think maybe you might suffer from depression as well as anxiety. That's exactly what happened to me when I was younger. I would freak myself out by looking in the mirror or any reflective surface. I would swear that my reflection winked at me. The psychiatrist said I had Borderline Personality Disorder and Massive Depressive Disorder. Have you seen a doctor about these things? Are you on any medication? I find that on Paxil (I'm on it now) I am very out of it in the mornings and nights. It's almost like I am still asleep but I know that I am up and awake. I drink coffee to get me out of it but that's against the anxiety rules. I have severe anxiety too. I usually only drink caffine in the mornings though. I hope this helps!
Posted 7/2/2008 5:48 PM (GMT 0)

Kiyuri said...
Thank you guys. Your words and advice is really easing my mind right now.
I just woke up after only being asleep for 3-4 hours. I felt extremely anxious and scared when waking up. I hate when that happens.. it's so frightening. :( I found that the only thing to stop the racing thoughts was to watch tv. I finally decided to just get up and start my day.. but not looking forward to the fatigue I'm going to feel later.

The whole depersonalization stuff.. ugh, it's starting to freak me out. Now that I know what it is, I notice it a lot more. If I could describe the way I'm feeling in one word.. it'd be "automatic" It's everything I do.. I do and don't even realize until a bit later. It worries me. I pray every day that God will bless me and help me through the day. It's starting to get in the way of everything - it's so hard to get things done. My job is babysitting my 10mo old niece and I'm always afraid.. what if I panic while she's here and can't take care of her. And sometimes I get awful thoughts that I may hurt me. This is SO not like me. I'm a happy person. Spiritual, I see the good in everything.. I don't know why this is happening to me. I just want to either get rid of this or find ways to cope with it. I was not wanting to take meds.. but I think I'm starting to. Anything to help this. :|

I'm having trouble finding places and counselors for me to see. All the ones I've called aren't accepting new patients.. I'm going to call a few places today. I'm so ready for a change.. or at least someone to tell me why this is happening.

Kiyuri

Hi this is Kitt and I have read all the posts.  Your last post has me concerned and I did not see any reference to it in all of your posts.  Have you ever been to your physician to get a medical screening exam to find out what your physician thinks is wrong with you?  I know you asked about sx but do you have a medical dx. 


You made the comment  " now that I know what is wrong with me".


We are not professionals and the opinions here are only suggestions and ideas not a diagnosis. NEVER rely on information or opinions exchanged via the forums or chat rooms to replace necessary, personal consultation(s) with qualified health or medical professionals to meet your individual health or medical needs. 

 

So please do make an appointment with a physician and do it soon. There is nothing to be ashamed about taking meds, many of us do and a combination of medications and therapy may be in your best interest.

Keep posting to us but also be sure you know to call someone if you start to feel like your getting out of control, call 911 without hestitating if you need emergency help.  

Keep posting here and know that we all care for you.

Gentle Hugs


Kitt
Posted 7/2/2008 6:28 PM (GMT 0)


Kiyuri said...
Thank you guys. Your words and advice is really easing my mind right now.
I just woke up after only being asleep for 3-4 hours. I felt extremely anxious and scared when waking up. I hate when that happens.. it's so frightening. :( I found that the only thing to stop the racing thoughts was to watch tv. I finally decided to just get up and start my day.. but not looking forward to the fatigue I'm going to feel later.

The whole depersonalization stuff.. ugh, it's starting to freak me out. Now that I know what it is, I notice it a lot more. If I could describe the way I'm feeling in one word.. it'd be "automatic" It's everything I do.. I do and don't even realize until a bit later. It worries me. I pray every day that God will bless me and help me through the day. It's starting to get in the way of everything - it's so hard to get things done. My job is babysitting my 10mo old niece and I'm always afraid.. what if I panic while she's here and can't take care of her. And sometimes (EDIT) This is SO not like me. I'm a happy person. Spiritual, I see the good in everything.. I don't know why this is happening to me. I just want to either get rid of this or find ways to cope with it. I was not wanting to take meds.. but I think I'm starting to. Anything to help this. :|

I'm having trouble finding places and counselors for me to see. All the ones I've called aren't accepting new patients.. I'm going to call a few places today. I'm so ready for a change.. or at least someone to tell me why this is happening.

 

Kiyuri........

Please do understand we are not able to diagnose you here: we can give our experiences and support but that is what HW is about: Support,Caring,Sharing, Empathyand Understanding 

YOU must see a PDOC or your Practioner for a DX of what is going on with you ..........

It kinda scares me that you have just gone and dx yourself in the post here above.......and after reading more about it on the net...not good

Each of us are different........

 

THAT is the most significant reason behind having a Professional see you ,talk to you ,test you and then diagnose you I am truly glad you will be actively looking for a therapist or PDOC to do this for you and then you will actually have a Professional DX and not the fear of it nor the positivity that you HAVE this

Support will always be here and plz do keep posting'

WE are NOT picking on you in any way shape or form

WE are actually afraid that you have taken the posts to you and the internet info and DX yourself ( which is actually what you have done) when you read this post of yours

Hon you need a good Doctor to do this for you

If you find you are getting out of control go to local ER or call ambulance to go STAT

Also there are Crisis Control Centers to call ..........

Kitt has the number I believe right handy


Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing plz

STAY WITH US...........

                                      LYN

Our Emails are right Above our Names if You care To Get Ahold of One or All of us A/P Mod's

Posted 7/2/2008 6:37 PM (GMT 0)
U.S. Helplines


The US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433

NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433

Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696

Crisis Help Line | For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357

Suicide & Depression Hotline | Covenant House 800-999-9999

------Online Hotline Resources--------

SuicideHotlines.com

Befrienders International :: The Samaritans

Metanoia :: Online Therapists

suicidal.com/suicidalteens/

www.selfinjury.com/index.html


 


Posted 7/2/2008 8:28 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Lil sis

I have the Canadian ones and will post them okay

I am going to have a nap for a bit

Loves

Big sis
Posted 7/3/2008 3:06 AM (GMT 0)
Eek. Those numbers frighten me a little. It's probably the "suicide" - thirstyforchrist mentioned I may have depression. I'm a really happy person. I have so much good going on to be depressed. But I do feel sad at times, for no reason, or angry even.. I wouldn't call it depression though.

I do realize I sorta dx myself. I was referring to the depersonalization thing. I was just meaning to say that I felt relieved to find something in words that described exactly what I was feeling. It may not be right, but it just showed me that HEY! This may be what I'm going through, maybe I'm not weird after all. I didn't mean to dx myself in anyway. I was just talking to my boyfriend earlier how I wish I could find a doctor to tell me exactly what is going on because the unknowing is so scary. (I'm actually having a hard time finding a doctor. I've always gone to affordable health clinics.. so I'm not sure if I should go to the hospital or find a certain doctor or what. The health clinic couldn't do much - they did give me a number to a counselor/anxiety clinic but they aren't accepting any new patients at the moment. I'm still looking though.. I'm not going to give up. I'm determined to have someone tell me what is going on. Even if its bad.. I just want to know, you know.

Also, someone commented about the mirror thing. It's not like I look in the mirror and see myself doing something else. Geez, that would be frightening. It's.. more like.. hmm, this is hard to describe. I feel really "automatic" - like my body is doing normal things but it takes my mind a few seconds to register, if that makes sense. So when I see myself in the mirror with this "delay" is scary! Because I'm actually watching myself do something and not realize it 'til a few seconds later. It's so weird. And it doesn't happen all the time. And it seems to only happen in front of full body mirrors. So odd..

Again, I appreciate y'alls help and advice so much! You all are such a great help. I've learned so much and I feel a lot less worried now. I guess just knowing I'm not alone. ('Cause the family and friends don't understand.. so there's not many folks to talk to about this.) I'm thankful for you guys!
Posted 7/3/2008 4:15 AM (GMT 0)

Kiyuri,

Heya! I'm so glad you have posted your own thread. You are not wierd (if you are then I am too!!) and you are certainly not alone. We are here to listen to and help each other.  It can be a little scary going out and getting a diagnosis, but remember whatever "label" the professionals might give you..you are still you, a worthwhile person looking for recovery..(oops -sorry to get preachy!!!!) I just don't like to see people get too bogged down with their dx...I think it's good to know we all have problems...some of them are just more "realised" than anxiety/ocd/depression but what we have is just as real. Keep us posted with how you are going now.

Meg

Posted 7/3/2008 6:31 PM (GMT 0)
I'm having such trouble finding a doctor to see. I don't have any insurance and only have about $800 in the bank. I'm not really sure what type of doctor I should make an appointment for. I been to a health clinic but they couldn't do much for me. Any ideas? I don't even know what to look for. Let alone.. what tests I'm going to have to take?
Posted 7/3/2008 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
I am sure that the only ones that will know about the tests are the professionals hun
and I know that I would be looking for a place that may have good therapists and mental health workers
Right now you could let them know you have hardly any monies but DO need
and WANT help asap

The stress of all this is not good at all for your a/p IMHO

I would also quit DX self from the puter
I have seen so many get totally messed up from doing this

WHY not try calling a couple of the places Kitt posted and ask them about docs or therapists as well as explain what is going on and your money situation...........

Crisis line sounds good
Befrienders International...Look it up in telephone book

You can also call your local Church.........

Keep trying to you find the help and info you need with real profesionals hun not the internet plz
Keep us posted as well k

LYN
Posted 7/3/2008 7:48 PM (GMT 0)
For many years, I would google my symptoms and SO much would come up that it would make me so nervous. And I finally quit. I joined HW for the comfort and support not for a dx. And I apologize if I keep doing that. I guess its my nature and I hate that! I was pretty proud of myself that I stopped stressing about what is wrong and stop googling everything, lol. And I guess I'm doing the same thing here. It was not my intentions at all.

I finally got a doctor's appointment for next week. (Certainly isn't cheap though) but it's a start and I'm so excited! For someone who worries so much about their health, I'm actually really looking forward to it.. finally to know what is going on. I hope they can help!

I also got a hold of a few anxiety clinics and churches as well. I'm so scared but so happy at the same time. I have an aunt who had anxiety for 30+ years. And she told me she spent a week in the hospital because they didn't know what was wrong with her. It's just reassuring that NOW there's so many anxiety therapists/clinics/etc out there who can help. I couldn't imagine how my aunt felt for years, having panic attacks, and didn't know what was wrong until recently. We are very lucky..
Posted 7/3/2008 9:22 PM (GMT 0)

Kiyuri

Hello and I am so happy you got an appointment and found clinics and therapists in your area.  You will feel so much better having a good  physician to talk to about all your sx.  I am proud of you for taking action and advocating for yourself.

Keep posting and let us know how your doing.  We are here to support and listen.

Kitt

Posted 7/3/2008 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Kiyuri,

When I lived in a large urban area, there were several counseling aganecies that charged based on my income, which wasn't much at that time. I don't know if you live in an area that has such services. My first therapist was a pastoral counselor, that is, a minister who also had some training in counseling (there are specific credentially criteria for such folks, in case you're curious). My hunch is that if you called the local government agency that deals with low income citizens, they'd have a list of medical and mental health clinics in your area that charge on this or some other inexpensive basis.

Good luck. I know how worried I felt when I was still young and not earning a lot, wondering how I was going to get the help I needed but couldn't afford.

And for those of us with health anxiety, the internet is very much a two-edged sword! Of course, it leads to supportive sites like HW and those of trusted major medical establishments, but it's also chock-full of sites that aren't well-researched or that are so limited in scope that their information leads to bigger scares for us!

Hang in there, and let us know how you're doing.

percycat
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