HI I am .........I Suffer With ?? For New Members and Vets as Well

Thats fine my friend
You could have posted here as well

Glad you are with us

PLZ stay with us

LYN

Hi all :)

I've posted a couple times, but thought I'd make it formal here!

I'd rather not give out my real name so you can just call me S.  I am 20 years old and have suffered from anxiety and depression for 5 years. My anxieties are mostly about being out of control, my health (I always think there's something physically wrong), death, and not being needed.  I am also codependent.

I have only used anti-depressants once (Zoloft), as I rather prefer therapy.  I now am beginning Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) which I feel might just be the ticket!

I recently moved from a 60,000 pop. town in Kentucky to a 580,000+ population city to attend school and expose myself to greater opportunities in life (I want to be an actress).  I left behind close friends, my family, and ended a 4 1/2 year codependent relationship.  3 weeks after I moved, our family dog, whom I'd had since I was 6, died. 

Feeling like I've had no closure from his death on top of losing lots of relationships and support as well as dealing with all the stresses and anxieties from living in a major metropolitan area, has been the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life. That is why I'm here--to vent, to learn, to support and be supported, so that I may begin to know true happiness without fear and worry.  I believe in the beauty of life but instead of just knowing its there, I want to be able to feel it and experience it everyday, and I know you all do too.  That's why we're here; the bigger picture!

I wish you all luck and look forward to being a member here!

Love and Peace,

S

I guess I overlooked introducing myself... Just read all the posts in this thread and was amazed at the incredible amount of challenges so many of you deal with. Humbled me.

I am 43, divorced mom of a 16 yr old boy. I am a writer and so my posts are always too long, as this one will be, I am sure. I do edit them, but I like to write, so you may end up just skipping my posts!

I've been told, all my life, that I am "too sensitive" and "think too much." I always felt defective and wrong, but my emotions have always been huge and difficult. I felt ( and still feel ) like a freak!

It wasn't until I was in my late teens that I realized (was told) that I had depression. It wasn't until after 12 years on and off with the same therapist (and probably 25 attempts to find a good therapist before her) that she casually mentioned I had anxiety and panic attacks, but I've never been diagnosed or treated for this exactly.

Had a suicidal gesture episode in my early 20s, and a short period of cutting. Since then, I have had only one or two bouts of serious depression, but much of my life has been clouded by what I called shyness or low self esteem, by sometimes being filled with unbearably uncomfortable feelings of being uneasy, worried, feeling like something very bad was going to happen. I didn't know that was anxiety, but now I think it is. Prevents me from interacting socially, quite often, and going to family events, and sometimes even makes me shut down from whatever boyfriend I'm with.

Probably the most difficult problem I have is my extreme reactions to break ups, which invariably evoke emotional outbursts, self-destructive behavior, deep depression and a long recovery period. I've never really understood what this is all about, and am still trying to figure it out. All the therapists I've seen have never really been able to pin it down for me. That one long-term therapist I mentioned did tell me that I get anxiety or panic, and then I want to make the feeling go away, and my thoughts become obsessive, and then I act compulsively to try to relieve the cycle. As best as I can tell, a fear of rejection/abandonment triggers the panic.

I also read a lot recently about Borderline Personality Disorder. I have much in common with the symptoms of BPD, but to a much lesser degree. For example, until a few months ago, I've had a steady and successful professional career, which is supposed to be difficult for BPD sufferers. In the past I've asked therapists if I have BPD or Bipolar, but am always told I do not fit the diagnostic criteria.

I have had some of the most ridiculous experiences with therapists and psychiatrists. Someday I want to write an article about it. My first attempt at getting medicine was a great example. Went to a clinic in a small city in upstate NY. As I sat in the waiting room, waiting for the psychiatrist to return from lunch, the two nurses were chatting about how crazy he was. Suddenly they noticed me and asked why I was there. When I told them, they seemed embarrassed and went into the back quickly. The doctor turned out to be an elderly man with a thick German accent. Here is all he said to me:
Do you haff trupple sleepink?
Do you haff trupples with eatink?
Do you haff seckshewal trupples?
How lonk haff you had this depression?

And then he wrote me a prescription for some old style MAO Inhibitor. It made me unable to stand up. Every time I took it I had to lie down and pass out. So I stopped. That was over 20 years ago. 9 years ago I went on an SSRI, and have been on one or another since. I felt a great relief from these drugs. A big part of the heavy burden I'd been pushing around all my life was lifted when I went on the SSRIs. I still got down, but it would last a day or two, rather than 3 weeks. I could get out of bed and do things during the down periods, rather than be in bed. I couldn't believe the relief. It never fixed the anxiety, though.

I finally found a good psychiatric nurse practitioner 3 years ago, and he finally started helping me with the panic and anxiety. Buspar, tiny amounts of valium, and ambien for sleep problems (always had insomnia, my whole life). Wellbutrin and an SSRi rounded out the recipe, and I was finally feeling pretty good, exercising even, and doing all right. Since then, I got into yet another bad relationship, and my life was hijacked - I let my life be hijacked. That relationship has ended and I'm now desperately trying to avoid the long depression and the intense panic attacks.

Lovely
Thank for sharing with us
So much has and is gong on as Kitt said we can and will help you thru this
Stay with us plz
I am so sorry about your baby ..........LYN

Hi. I am Zyn
I am 36 years old. Never married and no kids.
I suffer from panic attacks.

I am three years sober.
I stumbled on this site while googling a doctor I saw on an anxiety commercial.

I was 15 the first time I witnessed my mom have a panic attack. She stopped at the base of a bridge and threw her truck in reverse to avoid it. I thought it was silly. Fast forward 17 years. I found myself on a bridge getting ready to go through a tunnel and I it took every ounce of strength I had not to turn the wheel around to avoid it. I remember thinking how "silly" I was being. I had been over the same bridge HUNDREDS of times. Well, it feeling silly didn't make my heart stop racing. It didn't stop the penny taste in my mouth or the ringing in my ears. It didn't stop the fog creeping into my vision or my knuckles from turning white as I clung to the steering wheel.

I told my told my mom what had happened and she nodded knowingly. The only thing I could say to her was that I was sorry for all the times she was driving and I thought "Get over it" or "It is JUST a bridge" when I saw her go pale or begin sweating in the dead of winter. I finally knew what she was going through.

My mom's panic attacks have stopped her from driving more than 20 miles from the house. I can still drive but I know every route to avoid the bridges in the area. Unfortunately, my job forces me to drive about a month out of the year. I have been able to "trick" myself into driving over some familiar bridges so far. I am scared that these attacks will eventually cause me to lose my job. I have told my employer, family, and boyfriend about my attacks and they give me "that" look. I know "that" look. It is the same look I use to give my mom.

My comfort zone is collapsing. My boyfriend is getting annoyed that I don't want to go anywhere. I HATE leaving the house. I drive as little as possible because I am in constant fear of an accident. Most of my attacks are triggered by bridges but I do have them while driving with no known trigger. My panic morphs into anger after each episode. I wish I could control it.   

I haven't gone to a doctor about the attacks. I have seen my mom labeled crazy by society, insurance companies, and friends after she started taking medicine. She is now on disability because of it and she is living with me. I registered to this board in the hopes that I can learn ways to help my mom and I cope with the anxiety beyond the walls of our home.

Post Edited (Zyn) : 7/18/2008 9:47:45 AM (GMT-6)

THanks for posting about yourself and Welcome to HW
You will find so many wonderful and caring ppl here as I ahve in the past yrs..........

Stay with us and keep posting

LYN

hello all,
I am 56 yrs old, married to a wonderful little man for 38 yrs. I have two beautiful chidren a son 35 and daughter 32. I have three beautiful grands, the oldest granddaughter is almost 13, next granddaughter is almost 12 and my little grandson is almost 7. I live on a farm in ga.
I grew up with 8 brothers and sis. I had a wonderful life growing up, a loving family and I have a wonderful family of my own.
I have and have had panic attacks for the 40 yrs. I have been on all the good meds that are suppose to help, haven't found one that helps, so I take xynax when I have to. i don't understand why I have panic attacks because there is really nothing bad in my life to stress me.
I have had two neck sugury's and have battled breast cancer three different times. I lost my mom to cancer in 1996 and yes that was pretty stressful.
I am in constant pain from my neck and the pain is in more parts of my body than my neck. I am on pain meds. I had been panic free for almost three years, but around father's day out of the blue they were back, no warning just back big time. everyday panic attack, nights are worse, when I have them I can't stay inside the house, I have to go outside and I walk and walk until I feel as though I can't take another step. I have been outside all night, and this is numerous nights, I hate to go anywhere in the car, because I am afraid i will have a panic attack, if i have one while traveling, i am comming out of the car, doesn't matter where i am at, on the free-way i am comming out of the car and then all the passing folks can say just look at that crazed lady. I have had to get out and sit on store porchs and let hubby go get med. and bring back to me, before he could get me home. I am so embarrased after the fact, but it is something i can't help. I hate nights because i am always in dread of panic.
I am so dreading going back to work when school starts back, so please pray that my panic attack will be better by then, because i drive and monitor a school bus. I have driven bus for fifteen years, and been very blessed not to have panic attack while with my bus babies.
I have found if i have someone to talk to at the time of panic attack it calms me. I have had two friends over the years that would sit and talk to me all night or however long it would take for a calm for me. they both have passed away and left me. i have 1 other friend that is a true friend that now will sit and talk to me all night or however long it takes for the panic to cease or get better. I really thank God for such wonderful friends.
I came across your site today, and this is really what I need, is someone that can relate to my feelings. I have read all the get to know you post and each and everyone has touched my heart, and it is so nice to know there are people that can talk to me and understand what I am feeling.
yes i do realize that panic don't kill you and I know that i am not dying, but when you are having a panic attack i don't know about you, but sometimes i wish i would die to get away from it. and then after the calm i am thankful to be alive because i have so much to live for, and hope that maybe something i say or do will help someone else
i guess none of this made sense, but that is it.
have a blessed day or night which ever it is where you live
hugs
blossombud

P-fit,Welcome!

You've found a safe, caring , and reliable support community for people battling Anxiety and Panic.. We have many members here who will be glad to lend an ear, offer information, and provide support for people who need it.

thank you r for sharing your story with us.  I look forward to getting to know you better.

Kitt

See your new thread I made for you as this one is old and will be locked today.

Thanks,

Kitt

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/21/2010 3:32:48 PM (GMT-6)

This thread is locked ~ No Further posts

 

LOCKED   LOCKED   LOCKED

 

Thank you,

Lyn and Kitt