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Posted 7/31/2008 10:05 PM (GMT 0)
My husband and I are planning a trip in the next few weeks to the east coast.

We will be married for forty years soon.


For as long as I can remember I have worried everytime we are about to leave on

a vacation.  I guess I am afraid that something will happen that we won't be able

to go.  We both need a break from the work schedule we both keep.  He is a

"workaholic" and I am just tired of the same routine day after day.

I don't know how to stop worrying. 

Help me, please!

Posted 8/1/2008 12:35 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Janiel

 

Welcome to HW, I hope we can help you out here. Are you worried about not being able to go on the trip or are you worried about everything surrounding the trip?

 

I often get into a panic when I have to go on a trip, will I get sick? Will I panic? Will I be a pain in the backside?! I find what helps for me is to write down a list of everything that could go wrong (and I mean everything!) and then write a list about how likely it is to happen.

 

Often when we get things down on paper it gives us a better perspective of the reality of the situation. Try and focus on the fun you will have, not the fear of anything going wrong. You deserve a break.

 

I hope you and your husband have a wonderful trip away. Please let us know how you are going and ask any questions you need. We are here to support.

 

Meg

Posted 8/1/2008 1:11 AM (GMT 0)
Dear Janiel, You sound about my age group. My husband died 8 years ago and I married again after 2 years, it did not work out and I lost my home and some money. Try and imagine how that feels, dear one. I have no home and have to work at 67 years of age, I board with a lovely lady, but am Oh so lonely, and depression and panic are hanging around all the time. Try to focus on the fact that you have a husband, a home, etc. When you leave it you will be coming back to it, and although I see it as your good fortune, the reality is no matter what we have in life the problem seems to rear it's head when it comes to decision time. I'd just like to say that you will be OK, it is the going that is the hardest, as someone has suggested, write things down and then weigh them up. I would ask you to read my letter in "depression" and let me know what I should do with my future. Being alone in this world is NO fun.  Amani.
Posted 8/1/2008 1:34 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Fayre,

I don't think I have said my welcome to you yet. It's lovely to have you on the boards, and thank you for sharing your story and your hope. If you like please start a thread introducing yourself if you haven't yet - I have swiss cheese brain!)

Welcome again

Meg

Posted 8/1/2008 3:33 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome, Janiel and Fayre! I hope you'll both find the support you need here.

Janiel, does the packing and preparing make you nervous, or is it only the "what if" we can't go ideas? If the first, I finally learned to deal with the overwhelm of prepping by reminding myself that there are a few key items I must pack/do (pack meds, pack id, arrange cat-sitters) and that anything not on the list will be a pain to forget, but can be fixed by a phone call or trip to the store. That helps some.

If the second - the "what if"s - worry you, I'm a bad role model. :) Aniticipatory anxiety is one I don't know how to dodge. Well, YET.

percycat
Posted 8/1/2008 3:50 AM (GMT 0)
It is the "what-if's" that really bug me. I have been doing this for the past 40 plus years.

I guess I don't want to be disappointed in not being able to go on a vacation.
Posted 8/2/2008 4:12 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there Janiel and Welcome to HW

'Worrying' and 'What ifs'...aaaargh...my best subject...something I am really good at eyes especially before we go on vacation..but you know what..it's never as bad as I anticipate..and what's more I usually end up having a great time away :-) which sounds like something you and your husband both deserve and need just now..Do you have meds for anxiety? Even 'natural' remedies can  help take the edge off things and help you relax and rest up while you are away.

Sista J.

Posted 8/2/2008 4:13 AM (GMT 0)

The dreaded "what if's"...

If I had a cure I would share it with you. Try and stay rational (hard I know)..but the worst rarely happens, don't let your negative thinking ruin what should be a wonderful time for you and your husband. Have you ever talked to a doctor about this? There is help with this kind of "stinkin thinkin" as we call it. Let us know how you are going.

Meg

Posted 8/2/2008 2:22 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome to you both

I believe that writing all things down is the very thing to do
I just know that you will be okay
YOU have us with you in spirit now and we will be here for you
It sounds like you definitely need to have time away ''
The what ifs can be fixed at least mine were with CBT and therapy
As well as meds......
Have a great time and plz let us know how you make out
.......LYN

I do know how you feel I have lost 2 hubby's to death and no it is not easy but with will power and strength you can carry on and get thru it all
YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS
I will read your post in depression .....Welcome to HW.......LYN
Posted 8/2/2008 4:16 PM (GMT 0)
I used to write down every possible thing that I thought of that "might" go wrong and on another list write down if that thing did go wrong what would be the fix.  Will I get sick - I would write down a list of all medicines and such to pack just "in case" I did get sick so I would be prepared for it.  Being organized and prepared decreased the worry for me.  My anxiety would go sky high as I was anticipating all the "what ifs" of what could go wrong (three times a year I flew to Europe to see my twin sister and her family).  Up to the point that I got to the airport and the gate for the flight, I had such high anxiety and it was horrible all the thoughts and symptoms.  For some reason, once my vacation started with being at the gate at the airport, the anxiety decreased and I was able to enjoy vacation (now, some vacations were less anxiety filled than others but the "what ifs" were the killers for me).  So, make lists, do whatever you have to do to make sure you are well prepared in advance of the trip and just try to go with the flow.  I hope and pray you have a wonderful time.

Posted 8/3/2008 3:28 AM (GMT 0)
I do something similar to Diane, except that I don't write it down. However, my suitcases are usually packed with three times what I need because I'm packing for every contingency: illness, lost car keys, lost money, need to pay forgotten bills, need to make or break forgotten appointments, good weather, bad weather, period starting, period stopping, lost glasses. You name it. I don't pack the kitchen sink because why would I need that, but I might pack the ankle brace I never need any other time because I might "suddenly" need while out of town.

Sometimes while I'm organizing all my contingency stuff to pack it, I'll be able to look at something and say, "Don't pack that; you're not going to need it, really." That's a nice reminder to me that I'm not anxious about that problem any more.

percycat
Posted 8/3/2008 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
My husband is almost totally not understanding any of my misgivings. He is always telling me "be
real". But I still worry. I don't want to be disappointed and miss vacation.
Posted 8/3/2008 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
I am so sorry your hubby doesnt seem to get it

Try to do some of the things posted and look at the GOOD in this vacation not all the what if's

WE have anxiety and panic
Panic and Anxiety DO NOT have us ....IMHO
Posted 8/4/2008 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone for your good advice. My one daughter just came back from a vacation
to South Dakota. Another daughter and her family just left today. Hopefully, soon it will be our turn to leave. Keep praying for us. God bless each and everyone of you.
Posted 8/4/2008 3:58 AM (GMT 0)

Janiel,

Many prayers for you, try and keep away from those negative thoughts. I'm just crossing all my fingers and toes that you have a wonderful vacation.

Meg

Posted 8/4/2008 4:25 AM (GMT 0)

Welcome Janiel and Fayre,

This is Kitt and I have just returned from vacation.........I made it and I know you will too.  I got a bit anxious today, just getting all organized but I practiced staying in the moment and try to kick the stinkin thinkin to the curb so I can have a good time.......I set may expectations at medium so I don't come home feeling like I should have had more................I had a good time. yeah I pray you will too.

Again welcome to both of you,

Hugs

Kitt

Posted 8/4/2008 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
I'm still very edgy about this trip. I hope everything goes well enough so that we can go.
My friends have told me to keep busy. And I am trying to do just that. Any other ideas.
I could sure use some good ideas and some strong prayer.
Posted 8/5/2008 2:16 AM (GMT 0)

Keeping busy is a great way to keep the negative thoughts at bay. I write so many lists (maybe a few too many!) but it feels so good to cross things off and bin them. Phew! I hope you have a wonderful time..let us know how it all goes now k?!

Meg

Posted 8/25/2008 1:46 AM (GMT 0)
We have returned home safely from our vacation. We both had a wonderful time. Sorry to see it end so quickly however.

Thanks everyone for your help in getting me through this episode.
Posted 8/25/2008 2:12 PM (GMT 0)
Janiel,

I'm so glad it went well for you. What great news!

percycat
Posted 8/25/2008 2:23 PM (GMT 0)
It's never as scary as you think it will be. Most of my anxiety and panic are of the anticipatory kind. I think that people won't like me, will think I look weird, that something will go wrong, that the hotel is terrible, that the car will break down in the middle of nowhere or the middle of the night, that my rabbits won't be cared for well enough, that people get mad at me for something I should have done, etc, etc. Never ever has it been as bad as I thought. That information hasn't helped me yet, as that's cognitive and my fears are on another level. My hasband has a hard time understanding as well. He just doesn't want these things happening to me, but that's no cure.

Anyhow, glad that you've returned home safely and that you had a wonderful time!
Posted 8/27/2008 2:09 AM (GMT 0)
Janiel,

Glad you had a good vacation and may you have many more. Just remember how well you did this time around.

Kitt

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