new to this forum, not to HW, or to panic attacks/anxiety

Hi all. This is one of the few forums I haven't posted in since being a member here. I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for years...over 10, but the last couple of years the panic as been under control for the most part and have only dealt with anxiety. This all changed this past week. Had my first major panic attack in years the other day and boy did I not miss them. I'm not someone who has 5 min panic attacks like some people say...I have them for much longer. Afterwards I am drained for the rest of the day/night. I was so bad I couldn't even get off the couch to get to my klonopin. Finally I did and made it through in one piece. Now last night my severe anxiety started up. Some anxiety some paranoia I guess you could say. Nights have always been the worst for me as a lot of bad stuff happened to me during childhood at night and then in my early 20s had lots of attempted break ins and thefts at night so you can imagine how scary it is for me at night. Last night I could not sleep...kept hearing noises and kept thinking someone was trying to break in. When I would dose off I would have horrible nightmares and wake up even more scared. Finally fell asleep around 7am and stayed asleep. In my early 20s I would stay up all night with the lights on til daybreak. I'm afraid now that I might go back to that. I don't know what brought this on again. I even took an extra klonopin last night and that didn't even help. The only thing I can think of is that they added risperdal to my med cocktail a few weeks ago. I was on it before and never had problems and like I said it was a few weeks ago so I would figure this would've came on sooner. I have therapy with a new therapist on Tues so maybe that will help, but I'm terrified of the next couple of nights. I don't know what to do.

Welcome :p

thanks for the welcome guys. *hugs*

peacesoul...I don't live alone anymore. I did for years though. I'll explain this a little more after I go into what I'm afraid of. For the most part I'm scared of people breaking in and attacking me/killing me/etc. As a child I was exposed to a lot of violence and unsafe situations mostly at night which has lead different therapists to agree that because of how early on the violence started I never truly learned how to feel safe in any situation really, but more at night. I could go on about my fears during the day, but I'll just focus on the night ones now. So on to your other questions...I don't live alone anymore. I did from ages 19-25. My boyfriend moved in with me and it's going on two years soon. Now you would think I would feel safer with someone here...now I fear for BOTH of us. As for safety and locks and stuff...here's where you can really tell how bad my issues are. I have sufficient locks on my doors, I have a security system, AND cameras at each door with sound so I can see who's around the doors and listen for people. I'm afraid to have weapons in the house because I feel like if I went to use them whoever had broken in could easily take them away from me and use them against me.

as for the health issues I'm sure this has played a part in my recent panic/anxiety. my health has just been getting worse and worse and I can't take much more.

badfish...thanks for the welcome.

EmersonDav06...sorry we both have to go through this. It helps knowing I'm not alone, but I hate that we have to go through it at all.

another issue I have...driving. I haven't driven in years. I keep my license valid just in case. I don't own a car, but the boyfriend does so I could use that whenever. my main fear with driving is that I will crash and either hurt someone else or myself. was in therapy for years trying to get over this, but we've officially given up on it for now. we've tried having me drive and hope that if I have a panic attack I would get past it and then feel safer driving, but instead the opposite has happened. I've crashed. Side swipped trees, hit parked cars, ran over curbs, rear ended people. All because I'm in a panic and can't control myself. then we tried benzos while driving and in order for me to be calm enough to drive I have to be pretty drugged up which means I'm in no condition to drive. another fear about driving...the car breaking down and not being able to get help. tried to get over this with a cell phone and AAA, but doesn't make me feel any better. I'm also a terrible passenger. I get worked up very easily if we hit a big bump or they have to hit the brakes real fast...I mean I cry and everything.

gosh I have so many issues. UGH!

Hey Closure,
I think we met on the Bipolar forum a while ago. I start getting panicky when the sun starts to set and I have been that way my whole life. Then I will either go into a full blown panic attack (which lasts for hours) or I will drug myself enough to go to bed. But still. This is no way to live is it? I wish I could give you some good advice but I am in a desperate place myself right now. You are no alone my friend. I am just holding on for dear life. Literally. I think the more that is going on in our lives, the harder it is to deal with the anxiety. I hope you find some peace. If you do, let me know. I am so desperate I'll just about try anything right now. Love to you Rachel

Closure, I think seeing a therapist is going to be the best move. It is very tough to find a therapist that fits.

You mention you may also have celiac disease, you do know when the body is not being fed properly, the brain is not working properly.

Do you have a diet high in sugar? Do you eat a clean diet, with lots of whole foods (no fast food or processed foods)?
Diet is SUPER important to healing

By the way, I have Lupus and Lyme, so I know how hard this is

peacesoul...yeah I've been wondering if my physical conditions have been contributing to my mental issues at the moment. I've been really dehydrated...been in the hospital 3 times for fluids...and I've lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time. Like a pound a day. I'm overweight so any weight loss is good, but not at this rate and not when I'm not actively trying to lose weight. So I have become afraid that I'm not absorbing nutrients properly since I'm sick all the time.

my diet is back and forth really. I try to eat healthy, but at the moment I just try to find what won't make me sicker than I already am. unfortunately I haven't really found a pattern or whatever. pretty much everything makes me sick. :-(

Kitt...hi and thanks for the welcome. when I can I've been reading some of the posts here and you guys seem like one big happy family in this forum. it's nice to find such a supportive place. *hugs*

thanks for skipping the lecture lol. I do my best when it comes to food...I mean I've lowered my cholesterol and triglycerides in the past year, lost some weight before I started getting really sick...the healthy way, so I'm doing my part...some days are just harder than others and we can't all be perfect 100% of the time. before all the stress in my life started adding up my anxiety and panic were in check and so was my eating. with money problems, health problems stacking up for me, my dad being diagnosed with serious health problems, no family support, etc...my panic has just come back stronger than ever. I just have to get through all this...start to process the stress in better ways and hope that when all the testing is done on me for my digestive problems we will have answers and ways to make me better.

while I agree meds aren't always the answer or the cure all I have some serious mental problems that aren't all fixable with therapy. I have hallucinations, severe paranoia, (minor psychosis) and bipolar disorder on top of the panic and PTSD...the last two are able to be treated with mostly therapy and lifestyle changes, but the others are not. so I just try to take it one day at a time, work with my pdocs for my meds and all my new docs, and my therapists.