OCD about HIV

Dearest Nitro,

I really feel with you and know what you must be going through. I am 10 years or so older and than you and i tell you that i applaud your bravery and courage to keep going and not give up.

Let me start by saying that there is a striking resemblance between the symptoms you have described and mine.
During my HIV window period the stress has killed my soul. I felt everyday that something was wrong. Waking up in the morning was dreadful because the first thing i would do is get to the mirror in the bathroom each morning and start checking myself for symptoms and abnormalities.
I used to get red veiny eyes in the morning and wonder if that was from the computer although i always wore glasses for the monitor glare. I wrestled for weeks with the crust at the corners of my eyes that used to take a while to clear even with hot water.
My shoulders were aching all the time and they hurt to the point where i had to buy a special pillow to sleep at night so much it hurt. My neck also was very stiff and i remember taking muscle relaxant and painkillers to be able to have few hours of sleep.

Although i did not have the hair problem, i can assure you that there has not been one day for 3.5 months now that i did not have a canker sore in my mouth. Each day i notice a canker sore growing on my inner lip somewhere whilst the other one starts to fade. I have seen 3 doctors for the white coat on my tongue and had no proper treatment yet. Also i have had for 2 months 2 white patches on the back sides of my tongue that still remain a mystery since my GP claims no organic reason for them and no treatment except maybe an attempt to improve my diet and include more fruits and vegetables. This is still experimental and i will wait for the results.

NOW i know that All these symptoms and more that i have forgotten to mention were caused solely by ANXIETY and stress.
The reason this has become so clear to me is because i am still taking regularly my lexapro and trying to stay positive although at times it gets so hard and i feel like giving up.

Trust me, this forum made me feel NORMAL again, the support of everyone here gave me the strength to do it and if i could do it, I am 100% sure YOU can too!

Have FAITH in yourself, remember you are NOT alone in this and that this can happen to anyone.
Start by loving yourself and liking who you see in the mirror every morning at the start of your day. This is particularly essential!

I can offer you humbly one advice: do NOT confuse "I don't like it" with "I cannot deal with it".
You will reach a time soon where you will be able to say although you do not like what is going on with you or do not like the situation at the moment but you" CAN DEAL WITH IT".

Nitro, hang in there and be patient, you will shortly feel so much better, I promise you.

StKitt, I will never forget the support you gave me, along with all the rest. Thank you for being here for me.
My life's quality has been improving. I will go back to work soon and i am very excited.
Moreover i now take my Ipod with me when i go for my afternoon walks!

HUGS AND KISSES to all

Good Afternoon nitro,

You are having in my opinion anticipatory anxiety as well as general anxiety. Do you have access to mental health counciling.

You have been cleared re the HIV scare and now it is time for you to let go of the guilt and the fears and trust that you are ok.  I think you are on a merry-go-round and finding it difficult as your stuck in the "what ifs" ?

Common Anticipatory Anxiety Reactions include :

Feelings: anxious, fearful, angry, confused, hopeless, losing control, numb, sad, moody, irritable, guilty.

Behaviors: withdrawal from others or activities, disrupted routines, startle reactions, easily crying

Cognitions: preoccupation with possibility of trauma, concentration difficulties, self-doubt, worry, indecisiveness, memory difficulties

Physical complaints: muscle tension, headaches, gastric distress, sleep and appetite changes, fatigue

Talking usually helps. Share your feelings with friends, family, on here are all good ways to work through the anxiety.

Relaxation techniques: Try deep breathing, muscle relaxation, visualization (imagining peaceful scenes), and/or listening to soothing music.

Realistic self-talk: While we can't always control what happens to us, we can always control what we say to ourselves. It's important to keep things in perspective. Talk to yourself in reasonable ways. Ask yourself "how likely is my fear?" Remind yourself that you have coped before during other challenging times. Don't just dwell on the negative but consciously look for things you can appreciate every day.

I hope this helps you.  Please remember We are not healthcare professionals. Do look into finding a therapist or Healthcare professional.

Sorry it took me time to answer this. I have a sister that is critically ill in the hospital at the University Hospital.

Take care
Kitt

Update

I still haven't been able to see a counselor at my university, it's terribly difficult to book one. Just wondering, can stress and anxiety from this cause neck strains? My neck hurts, and recently it has been causing me to crack my neck a lot. Does stress and anxiety do this?

Nitro,

Hey there. I too tend to hold my shoulders up and have to remind myself to drop my shoulders and shake out my arms.  I will get knots in my upper back and neck. I have to put the whole package together to lower the anxiety. Deep slow breaths, talking to myself that I am OK and relaxing my body muscles.

I hope you can get your appointment soon.

Take care and keep posting.

Kitt

Dearest Nitro,

You might need to see a doctor about the hair loss problem especially now that it is happening to your eyebrows.
It can surely be caused by stress and excessive anxiety however it might also be due to a bad diet, lack of vitamins, or something else and therefore it needs to be checked by a GP.
I was also wonderig if you are doing anything about your anxiety. Did your GP prescribe any medication? Did you see a counselor yet?
You need to see someone face to face sweetie to check out your symptoms and give you the adequate treatment you need.
I feel once you address your anxiety issues and work it out with a counselor, most of your symptoms will subside.

I wish you well and keep us posted.

i'm scared now...could it be an std causing this? should i get tested again???

Post Edited (nitro89) : 9/7/2008 1:05:23 PM (GMT-6)

Nitro,

It could be.There are many different cause of telogen effiuvium.  Among the common causes are high fevers, childbirth, severe infections, severe chronic illness, severe psychological stress, major surgery or illnesses, over or under active thyroid gland, crash diets with inadequate protein, and a variety of medications. Most hair loss from medications is this type and causes include retinoids, beta blockers, calcium channel blockers, antidepressants, and NSAIDS.

STD is not mention as a cause of this condition.

I am a great believer in staying in the moment which I learned in therapy. Making ourself miserable is how we tend to spend a lot of time in the past or the future. We spend much time thinking about what was and what could have been. And we spend much time projecting into the future and wondering about what may happen. I like to call this "stinkin thinkin"

This way of thinking is indeed a great way to make much of your life a lot more miserable and limited than necessary. The key to solving this problem is of course to live as much as you can in the only moment that you ever really live in and control. This moment right now. The moment that is all there ever was and - probably - will be.

But how can you step away from the thought loops that whirl back and forth through your memories and fantasies?

How do you actually return to the present moment?

Focus on what’s right in front of you, push all other thoughts out of your mind. You can do this and when you feel your thought drifting to the "what ifs" stop and refocus on what you are doing right now.

Please see your physician if the hair loss i is weighing heavily on your mind.

Take care
Kitt

 

A symptom i forgot to mention was that i get bloodshot eyes. is that stress, depression, and anxiety too?

As well, i got my blood pressure tested and it's a bit high for my age (though below the adult high). It's something like 135 systolic and 82 for the other one. I checked it three times. Is that stress, depression, and anxiety too?

Post Edited (nitro89) : 9/8/2008 8:35:01 PM (GMT-6)

tried to get tested today, but they couldn't find a vein! o_o they poked me twice, it was painful. so it didn't happen.

They said it was because i was so stressed, to a point that it caused my vessels to close. They said i had nothing, that it's a stress/anxiety problem that i need to deal with, and suggested medication so that i can get calm and move on with my life.

so i got home, and i got a call from the university's counseling services.....and they don't have a space open for another two weeks. o_o I'm like whaatttt???? I'm like the Titanic sinking in the middle of the Atlantic, i won't last for two weeks.

Nitro,

I am sorry they do not have an appointment until 2 weeks but that will go by fast.  Remember to stay in the moment and keep yourself busy doing things you like so your anxiety comes down.

Did you physician start you on one of the meds like Lexapro or Celexa or just antianxiety meds?

Take care my friend.

Hugs

Kitt

Nitro,

Sorry you did not get an answer.  IMHO you need to kick the anxiety re all the testing and sx to the curb and just move one with your life.  You have been reassured by the medical profession that you do not have any issues with HIV and you were feeling OCD because of the tests.

Stress can cause all of the symtoms you had.  Get rid of that "stinkin thinkin" and enjoy your life.  Classes are almost always stressful for all but many many people are in the same boat.

May I suggest you find this book and read it, " Pass Through Panic: Freeing Yourself from Anxiety and Fear"
by: Claire Weekes

Many have read the book and I have not seen anyone that did not benefit from reading her book. You could probably check the library for the book.

Take care and go now and feel free.  Enjoy life to the fullest.

Kitt

Nitro,

Browsing the web is usually a pretty bad idea for those of us with health anxiety. It's good to be informed, but so hard to keep the imagination from running out of control.

Try to remind yourself often that you've been tested and all the results are good.

percycat

nitro,

Quit reading the HIV sites.  You have recieved all negative reports. 

To the best of my knowledge there simply are no proved cases of anybody taking 6 months for the test to become positive.  You need to trust your reports and move on. 

Learn to take it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself 

If you need medication to help you with the anxiety, see a physician and get some help.  Your problem seems to be you are in High Anxiety re the HIV testing. 

Do seek out your physician to help you. We are all here supporting you and if you fall we will pick you up my friend.

Bless you

Kitt