Single and worried about getting close to someone

Well ive been single for 2 yrs now the last guy i was with was extremely abusive in every way. ive dealt with alot and when i was with him it was pure hell, i had depression and everything back then too, recently i feel like i wouldnt mind meeting someone or just getting to know others and the past few guys i have been sort of interested in meeting i have gotten to the point where i start completly freaking out about spending time with anyone bcoz then i think, what if i get feelings for this person and the thought of having feelings for someone scares the hell outta me i dunno if its because, well yeh i know i like to have emotional control and falling for someone u are no longer in control of how you will feel and i think thats a big part of it. But its just i dunno what to do about it. Like the last guy who im talking to now we also started texting and now he wants to meet up and i feel like were getting too close now and have been freaking out the past couple of days and i get so anxious that i cant breathe and i feel sick. i dunno what to do, i met him on the net like u know love sites and im thinking maybe it would ease my anxiety if i just met someone unexpectedly through the normal course of life but in the end its gonna be somewhat the same bcoz if i get feelings i will freak out. What should i do, and its so hard these days becasue i want things to be the old fashioned way where u meet a guy they court u for a while then u decided if u like each other then u start dating then u start having sex then it becomes commited then u get married if it works out lol but where can u find guys like that now because in my generation its all playing games and have sex first and then decide or see where it leads and im not into that, because it just makes everything more complicated and nerve racking because u dont know whats going on i want clean cut no games i just dunno where to find it and even how to get thru this panick problem i have. arggh. help. its starting to frustrate me.

well im not dating right now, i cant even get to that point!! im seeing a therapist but i havent brought this up with her yet but i will in our next session. i feel like im ready though but at the same time im terrified!

EMZ... Like percycat I have been in an abusive relationship... plus my father was abusive...
My children and I have been through hell and back ... but we have been safe for the last 12 years.... do you think that I have had ANY inclination to date. No way.... for 18 years I devoted myself totally to my girls. Didn't want a man around and couldn't trust any man past saying hello... My girls were so traumatized that I really didn't have time to date even if I'd wanted to.
The point is , now my girls are grown... and I find myself thinking about 'maybe' having a male friend again. The problem is once you've been abused, you not only don't trust men... but in my case I don't even trust my own judgement
My sister says I am ready... for a slow and easy , casual friendship. Maybe.
There are signs to watch for in a relationship or in a man that can give you clues about potential abuse. I will try and find a webb site that goes over those signs. Not all men are bad... there are darn good ones out there.... the thing is .. to take our time... keep it casual... have your own life!
If you can't be happy by yourself then you will never be happy with anyone else.
Wishing you luck and courage. Be yourself( easier said than done if you are like me and don't exactly know who or what that is anymore) ... all the more reason to make sure you have your own interests and not rush into anything. I don't think I'd be ready for internet dating though... that scares me to death... just be open with your therapist and I'm sure you will find if not a soul mate... a good friend in the process.
Mary

Hi Emz,
I'm sorry to read you were subjected to Abuse.He's not a Man he is a $&*(%^$#!The last Guy I was involved (engaged) was emotionally Abusive.If I had stayed,I truly believe it would have turned physical.Men have deeply hurt me to the point I decided to stay single.Saying this,I selected a Friend to be the Father of my Baby (s).I simply won't tolerate a Man's Abuse,insensitivity or crap any longer..neither should you or other Women.
Best,
Sydnee

Jilene,
I had a verbally abusive stepmother and I believed what she told me.
She would call me, stupid, fat, my father's "brat". She made me wear clothes I hated and she thought nothing of saying I ate like a pig in front of relatives, on Thanksgiving. She became my stepmother when I was 5. She could not wait until I moved out.
I got married at 17 years old after I graduated from High School. My self esteem was low and I eventually divorced my first husband. I have been through therapy and my therapist said I was like a daughter without a Mother.
I have learned to leave my childhood in the past. It is over and now I live in the present moment. I learned to know I have done good things but I still have trust issues and when something happens I feel like I knew it would end that way.
Trusting your therapist with your inner thoughts is difficult but just do it. The tears came as I cried for the childhood I had missed out on but now I let go and accept each day as it comes.
I will be here to support you and comfort you when you need me.
Hugs
Kitt