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It feels like the end, no appreciation for life

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Posted 10/18/2008 8:33 PM (GMT 0)
I am not even sure why I am writing my personal business for everyone to see.  I guess when depression hits people arround you do not feel they are with you. I feel unappreciated, my marriage has been failure, I own a small business that has just began to roll like its supposed to but still needs time.  I have been under a tremendous level of stress that I began to develop a very large belly, it did not feel like fat but rather like an inflamation. My wife just told me that she does not love me but does not want to loose me because she wants our kids to have a father.  Her conffession felt like a big punch on the nose and it hurt all the way to my heart.  I am heavily taking Alprazolam and Citalopram, I am sedated the whole time.  It is the only way I can survive this crisis.  The only reason for me to live is to look for the wellfare of my kids.

Any friends outhere that are going through something similar?  Lets exchange some thoughts.

Thanks

Dave072004

Posted 10/18/2008 9:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Dave,

I am not going what you are going through, but I would like to welcome you to HealingWell. I am sure there are people in similar situations as you and I am sure that they will reply to your post.

I am glad that you are thinking of your children's welfare. If I were you, I would take this situation one day at a time and see what happens.

Try not to stay too sedated, you want to be able to appreciate what remains of your relationship. I don't mean not to take your meds, but only take them as prescribed.

Have you two checked into marraige counseling? This had to have been a huge blow to you, you could probably use some support right now, I would recommend counseling, even if she doesn't go with you.

I sure hope that things do work out for you and that you are feeling better soon.

Best wishes,
Sincerely,
Karen
Posted 10/19/2008 2:02 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Dave,

Welcome to HW, I'm really sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. It's wonderful and admirable that you are looking out for your kids, but don't forget to look after yourself too. In order to have happy healthy children you too need to be healthy. There is absolutley no shame in needing some time to yourself and it sounds to me like you could use that. The black pit of depression is not a place you want to be in.

As Karen mentioned, it's probably best to take your meds only as prescibed, I understand that it makes tough things easier to deal with when they are fuzzier at the edges, but it may not work in your favour in the long run. I split from my husband...5? years ago..my memory isn't that crash hot and it was awful, just awful. I had a drinking problem at the time (and the beer gut to match!!) and my husband would call me obscene names....I had to get out.

IMHO it's not worth staying with someone who doesn't love you. Even for the sake of your children. But that is just my opinion. I would suggest some therapy for both of you. No one deserves to live with depression and you sound like a really sweet guy. Take care, and please stay with us. We are here to support and listen.

Meg

Posted 10/20/2008 1:17 AM (GMT 0)
dave,
I am also sorry to hear about your situation, but meg is right, its not fair to be in a relationship when the feelings arent mutual. Every single person in this world deserves to be cared about including YOU. Hang in there, if you dont mind, tell us a little bit about yourself...what kind of business do you have?? keep us posted on how you are doing.
((HUGS))

Kate
Posted 10/20/2008 1:52 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Dave,

Just checking in..how are you doing? Stick with us okay, we understand anxiety and depression here.

Meg

Posted 10/20/2008 2:33 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Dave

Sorry things are so rough for you right now.  I'm not going through what you're going through right now but all of us have been through some sort of rough time of it or are going through a rough time now. 

You obviously love your children very much and care for your wife.  If she wants to stay with you, for whatever reason,  I'd say there's hope that you and she can recover the love.  I thought at one time I didn't love my husband and when I told him I wanted a separation and didn't love him, he knocked himself out to get us to counseling and we got back on track.  That was 24 years ago and we've now been married for 32 years. 

You probably need to be on medication, so I am glad you are, but you shouldn't feel overmedicated.  Celexa shouldn't make you feel "doped up" but the other medication might.  You should talk to your doctor about other medications that will help but won't be as sedating.

Take care of yourself and check in here often.  People will be checking to see how you're doing.

Georgie Girl

Posted 10/20/2008 3:42 AM (GMT 0)

Yep,

You are right Georgie Girl, we will keep checking!

Meg

Posted 10/20/2008 3:03 PM (GMT 0)

Hi locomia

Welcome to HealingWell and the anxiety forum.  This is Kitt.  I am sorry you are in a bad place right now.  I gathered from your post that your wife has depression and you sound like you are depressed too.

We do have a Depression forum that might help you more and please don't be afraid to vent or share as it is sometimes good to just write it all down and receive some feedback with lots of support from the members of HW.

We do have a new members thread, I will pop it to the top for you.

Again a warm welcome.

Kitt

Posted 10/20/2008 3:12 PM (GMT 0)
Welcome Locomia :P
Posted 10/20/2008 3:19 PM (GMT 0)

Hey Dave -

At this moment, I'm not feeling the same way as you are....However, I've had those days!

What really has helped me is to get out...get out of the house, do something even whey you don't feel like doing it!  No, you probably won't get the same satisfaction as you normally would have, but just getting out for a walk helped me.

My husband was supportive during my hard time at first, but slowly it got old for him and fast.

I began therapy and it too took some time but has helped.  A really great workbook that has also helped me is called MIND OVER MOOD.  Changing the way you feel by changing the way you think. 

I agree w/others, I would not over medicate!!

I know it can be hard waking up w/all of those feelings and wondering how your going to get through the ENTIRE day w/out them.  Trust me!! It's not easy, but as you can see, what you're doing now isn't working - right?

I really really recommend that workbook! Also getting out of the house and do more w/your wife.  Again, it will all seem very forced at first and maybe not very enjoyable - but what you need is change!  You and your wife!

My husband hated the fact that I constanly was "on" something just to get through the day...

I knew I needed to change my ways, not just for him - but because I didn't like the way my life was turning out.

I wanted to go back to the way I was living yrs before.  The workbook was not only great for me, but my husband as well.

I still am on an antidepressant, however I only take Ativan on really bad days.  And on those days, I don't allow myself to just hang out and think - I'm just going to let the pills do the job for me.  Take your meds yes, but cut back, either get into therapy or find some othe way to get out of your head, so you can find relief!

Hope to hear from you!

Jennifer

Posted 10/20/2008 4:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Dave,

We all understand what your going through. And, like everyone that has said before me, "hang in there". and YOU do derserve to be loved and cared for. We can't stay in an relationship for just the kids, because they will pick up on the unloved part and they will think that is how its suppose to be, But, its not. You got to think about yourself too and get yourself back to where you want to be in life.

Please come back and let us know how you are doing. We all do care and want the best for you.

God bless you my friend,

Velvet
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