My therapist

I feel like I've gotten too close to my therapist.  She is very ethical and sets clear boundaries.  But because I've had a 5 year relationship with her - every week - I've felt like she is a very close friend.  But in reality I know that being friends is not possible.   We are very like minded... or so I think... Recencently it occurred to me that this relationship will come to an end and thinking about that is very painful for me.  I don't want to be in therapy just to talk to her because I like her as I do a good friend.  But I don't want to lose what feels like a friendship to me.  I'm actually embarassed to tell my therapist this. How do I handle this loss?  It really feels like I've lost a friend or a loved one.

Hi Karen,

Thanks for your post.... I feel like I've accomplished everything that I needed to do in therapy. But I'm afraid to let it go and I think its because I have this strong connection to her. What's interesting is that we cross paths fairly often because our children ended up in the same class at school this year. When I first started seeing her I didn't even know who she was, never mind that we live in the same community. When we see each other we wave and that is it - respecting each others boundaries. She has mentioned a couple of times over the past few years that 'she wished we could be friends' and 'we would be friends if we met under different circumstances'. So I know she cares and feels close to me as well. But we both know that ethically it is not possible. I would like to share my feelings with her but I already know the outcome and hearing it out loud would be even more painful - I think.

Also, I feel like I'm ready to terminate my therapy but she said that I am not ready. When I asked her why, she said "you still have more work to do", but wasn't specific. Objectivity out the window, huh? That's very interesting. Can you give me a high level example of how you were able to recognize that your previous therapist was not being objective any longer?

Thanks,

hmmm123

Hello and welcome to HealingWell and the A & P forum. 

It feels to me like you both are losing the Doctor/client relationship and perhaps you should just tell her after every week for 5 years you would like to quit therapy at this time.

I would tread lightly here as she is in a difficult spot and could be cited for getting involved with you while you are a patient.

I know your wondering what reason you can give her..........perhaps " for personal reasons or that you are beginning to feel attached to her and you want to stop your Doctor/Patient relationship.

I am sure some wiser then I will have some better advice for you.

Keep talking to us and know we care.

Kitt

 

From where I sit, it seems like if you have this many concerns and have to think this much about whether or not your relationship is appropriate, is heading in the right or wrong direction, if you are sharing as much as you could,  etc, it's time to move on to a new therapist - if indeed you need to continue therapy.   As a professional, she should understand your concerns, maybe even give you some names of other therapists.  Or maybe just tell her you've decided to stop therapy and then search for a new therapist on your own.  Maybe even take a few months off and see how you do since you think you may have reached maximum benefit anyway. 

Just my two cents.

Georgie Girl 

hmmm123

Thank you for the clarification regarding how you feel about your therapist.

I agree with Navy and I know I felt like my first therapist was my friend and when I quit therapy I missed him but then I realized that I was the patient and he was the therapist and that was our relationship.

The think we had in common was my therapy and outside of that we did not have a friendship relation, not to say he was not kind and friendly in person during therapy.

AS Navy said, you have several and I hope talking here has help you put the right spin for you on this situation.

Bless you

Kitt