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Can't stop thinking....killing myself slowly

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Posted 12/9/2008 5:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hello,


My name is Dave and I have had a severe anxiety disorder for the past 20 years.  This includes Hypochondria and fear of flying.

I am now worried that I have killed myself through this anxiety by eating (my drug is food) and becoming obese 4 years ago and giving myself cirrhosis from Fatty Liver Disease which is a complication of Obesity.

I am 37 and am now completely worried I am going to die any minute from this Cirrhosis as I have several of the symptoms and had a CT that came back positive for NAFLD (fatty liver).  Additionally, I take Paxil and am scared to take it anymore as I hear it is bad for the liver.My therapist is nice, but over the past 3 years hasn't made a dent in my problem.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop thinking, or how they deal with anxiety of health issues, dying, death etc.? 

Posted 12/9/2008 8:17 AM (GMT 0)

Hi there, i believe you need to see a better physician and to maybe try Cognitive behavioural Therapy, which helps you control the negative self talk and helps you focus on positives in your life. can you try some gentle excercise? i think its normal to be concerned or anxious when you are experiencing bad health problems, but maybe its not as bad as it seems- what are you doing to correct your liver function?

please feel welcome here and keep us posted,

Maz :-)

Posted 12/9/2008 10:46 AM (GMT 0)

hi maz,

Thank you for your quick reply.  In answer to your question, I have not excercised in a while, but I just had the scariest dream (My wife and I gone and my daughter by herself as she is only 18 mos) and i am goind to get on the treadmill this morning.

As far as my liver, I have been scared into eating better, which makes things harder for me of course as I can't even eat what I want anymore and I am trying to lose weight.

And that is one of the things scaring me.  I have lost 8 lbs in 5 days w/out working out.  This is a symptom of cirrhosis.  I also have others that I won't go into (you can read on Hepatitis Forum if you want) and I am terrified.   More for my daughter now, than for myself.

I have tried cognative behavior therapy a bit, but it hasn't really helped much.

What do you do?

Dave

Posted 12/9/2008 1:51 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Dave

Welcome to HW.  You have come to the right place to talk with others who share similar mental health challenges.  I myself am bipolar and sometimes suffer from severe anxiety (have been hospitalized).

I also eat too much.  Wanted lap band surgery but husband put his foot down and said "no".  He rarely says no to me so he's serious. 

I don't have any really good advice for you - there are others here who will be more help than I.  Just wanted to welcome you and tell you that I am sorry for your situation.

Georgie Girl (Krista)


Posted 12/9/2008 2:37 PM (GMT 0)

scared37

Welcome to HealingWell.  You are not dying and I am glad to see you have recognized your own issues.

A change in your diet is excellent.  The first week you cut back on your eating and start eating the right foods and drinking water you can easily lose 8 lbs.  One time on Weight Watchers I lost 12 pounds the first week.  I was so excited but then the loss slows down.

I agree with Maz and the others, please consider counseling for your anxiety regard your health and your thoughts thay your dying.

CBT therapy is an excellent therapy.  There is a free online program but I would feel more comfortable if you talk with your physician first and the two of you work out what is best for you.

Welcome to the HW Family.

Kitt

Posted 12/9/2008 3:09 PM (GMT 0)

Thank you Krista and Stkitt, it is really nice to see people like myself that I can talk with.

Everyone in my personal and professional life thinks I am nuts.  And I think the people here know what I am going through.

I would really like to hear more about the CBT free website.  I think one of the reasons I fear a major health issue so much is how I would deal with it.  At least now I know I have no choice to grin and bear it for my daughter (especially after a frightening dream I had last night).  She deserves a father and the more I let this effect me, the less of a father I become.

I really hope I haven't damaged my liver to the point it is too late.  I don't drink (just in college) and I don't smoke, and the ironic thing is that people have been telling me my whole life, don't drink b/c you will get cirrhosis.  Now I come to find out just recently that being Obese and overeating is just as bad and a person does the same thing to their liver as drinking.  How upsetting is that?

I had been focusing on my Heart and Veins (which are normal), come to find out that Liver Disease is the 3rd killer, behind cancer and heart in obese people.

Well, I am officially scared straight and just hope it isn't too late for me.

I really appreciate your feedback and have open ears to any other suggestions on what has worked for others.  Especially people who have had a potentially fatal illness (cancer etc) and how they handled it as I have felt like I have had a fatal illness for the past 4 years.

My wife even says, "It doesn't even matter if you really have something....you live your life like you do anyway so there really would be no difference"  Very depressing.

Posted 12/9/2008 3:16 PM (GMT 0)

Dave,

I am glad to give you the info.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations.

Here is the link:

CBT

The MoodGym Training Program

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/

Just click on the link.

MoodGym has a new online therapy and you can actually start with the problem you consider your biggest challenge.

The new self help is :

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

I am working on this one myself right now.  :)

Take care

Kitt

Posted 12/9/2008 3:54 PM (GMT 0)
Nikki, you are awesome, I am going to listen to every word you say as you seem to have the same problem I have, but now you sound so positive.  That's what I want to become!  I haven't really been living a life these past 5 years, just waiting for the killer C, or Heart Attack, or now Cirrhosis and Liver Failure and that is the ironic part. 

I am not living b/c of my fear of dying.

 

Nikki, I would really like to stay in touch with you as you seem so positive now.

Stkitt, thank you, thank you, thank you.  I am going to try it right away as this is effecting my life to the point that I cannot work, sleep, interact with my family etc.  I am basically not living and just waiting to die.

These are excellent suggestions and you may have just saved a life today (as long as I don't have Cirrhosis)

Dave 

 

 

 

Posted 12/9/2008 4:03 PM (GMT 0)
DAVE
Just recently I had to have surgury as the chemo was not working and yes I had faced my own mortality but with the help of Kitt( lil sis to me ) and talking to her I knew I would be okay...
Plus I have a great doc and I believe you DO need another one that will listen and help you on your way to recovery
Health anxiety is not a good thing BUT it can be lessened greatly by you and your doc as well as the CBT
I do the one posted and for me it helps

O had the lobe lower taken out of my lung and I feel great .........I am a survivor
SO ARE YOU....Cancer is gone..........I am HERE
Stay with us and we will help you out as much as possible
Diet changes as Kitt put are a good thing too

YOU cannot let this take over your life
Nothing like Health anxiety to make Anxiety Happy...........

WE are a great group of ppl

Welcome to the "Family"

Stay with us
God Bless
LYN

Posted 12/9/2008 4:36 PM (GMT 0)
Great input Nikki and
I really love the way you have FEAR explained

Great Job.............
Posted 12/9/2008 5:45 PM (GMT 0)

Wow you guys are amazing!  This place is amazing!

I wish I had found this place 5 years ago, I probably wouldn't be in this situation if I had.

Lyn, you give me strength!  If you can go through all of that and still have this attitude, then I can too! cool

Nikki, you make and excellent point, I just have to ingrain it into my brain, the F.E.A.R thing.

You guys are great!  If anyone else would like to share a story of strength like Lyn's and Nikki's, that would be great as it is really helpful to us Newbies!

Dave

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