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Posted 12/29/2008 8:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All

As some of you know i have spent the last few weeks in Chamonix France were i am spending the winter on a extended holiday. I have been having a good time but i have started drinking again, i managed 8 weeks without drinking before i came out and i feel i have let myself down. I was under orders from my doctor not to drink as it does not mix with the medication i am taking and makes me depressed. My problem is i am staying with people who all drink and there is a big apres ski scene in Chamonix, i have been going out with my friends with the intension of not drinking but my anxiety has been getting the better of me and i have started drinking to try and stop the anxiety. My problem is i cant just have one drink and once i start i keep going not only is this draining my finances but i am also not doing myself any good in regards to my mental health. I got some bad news the other day which is still sinking in and is causing me a lot of distress and my sleep has got bad due to this so i have also been drinking to help me sleep.

I know i should not be drinking as drink and medication do not mix and i am worried that i am heading in the wrong direction.

Any advice welcome.

Ben
Posted 12/29/2008 9:14 PM (GMT 0)
I totally know how you feel. Drinking seemed to help temporarily with anxiety and sleep, only to come back worse the next day. Also, I am one of those people who was surrounded by people who drank and god only knows I could not just drink one or two. Once I had one, I kept going and going.

Almost 7 years ago, the booze stopped working for me. The anxiety would not stop - even when I drank. After a lot of mental turmoil, I finally had my last drink and started attending a twelve step program. It was the best thing I ever did. I have found soooooo much relief in sobriety. Of course, the anxiety still comes and goes, but I now have tools to deal with it. Between the program and some good docs and medication, I have found that life is wonderful and full of gifts.

I just married the most wonderful man in the world in October and we are looking to start a family. Before I quit drinking, I dated jerks and hated myself. Today, I live life. While I am currently struggling with some anxiety issues, I KNOW that "this too shall pass" and I do not have to suffer.

Please do not give up on sobriety. Please consider a twelve step program. There are so many wonderful people at meetings who can help and relate.

Good luck and I will be praying for you :-)
Posted 12/30/2008 1:36 AM (GMT 0)
It doesn't matter if your friends drink. You need to stay away from alcohol. There are other drinks you can have instead. Also, when the anxiety happens try the deep breathing or remove yourself from the situation. Maybe your body is telling you not to be in such situations. Stay true to yourself. Your health is more important than anything else. Lastly, I sure hope the bad news you got wasn't anything terrible!
Posted 12/30/2008 2:40 AM (GMT 0)
I agree. I am a recovering acoholic and it is hard. I don't know what to say except if you want to really recover and don't have the strength, go find a good group to stand behind you and have a sponsor. I hope you start enjoying your vacation more Ben, and don't let your friends dictate what you do :) Tell them you would rather be sober to laugh at them acting crazy.

Good luck my friend!
Posted 12/30/2008 4:06 AM (GMT 0)

Ben you already know that using something like alcohol to take the edge off your anxiety is a short term fix, which leads to a deeper problem in the end. I dont drink, but most of my friends do. I manage to have fun without alcohol and im sure you can too. what you need to work out is the root cause of the anxiety and ways in which you can better manage it. do you see a therapist or counsellor?

Good luck Ben, keep us posted,

love Maz XX

Posted 12/30/2008 8:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

Thanks for your replies guys i will take note of your advice and try my best not to drink, my social anxiety is a real problem for me and i need to beat it as it is ruining my life and stopping me from leading a normal life. I am tired of feeling anxious and depressed all the time some days i feel i have it under control and others i don't. I am enjoying my trip and i will try my best not to drink if i go out. When i get back from my trip i will be started on a CBT course.

Ben
Posted 12/30/2008 9:24 AM (GMT 0)

I totally believe you can get through this Ben. just avoid situations that tempt you to drink, and remember that alcohol is a depressant, so its certainly not going to boost your mood. So glad you are looking into CBT when you get back- i hope you can enjoy the rest of your trip and that your anxiety eases- its unfair to feel so bad, so often isnt it?

take care and hang in there,

Maz XX

Posted 12/30/2008 9:47 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Maz

It means a lot to have your support, i just feel that i am trying my best to sort out my anxiety using techniques i have learned through CAT but i keep finding myself back in the grip of anxiety and depression which is a constant battle and very tiring, i find that my anxiety get me down as i get really frustrated that i cant seem to control it. I keep thinking one step at a time but its tough i have had these feelings for so long know that it is going to take a while to sort out but i will get there.

Thanks again Maz

Ben
Posted 12/30/2008 11:59 AM (GMT 0)

unhappy32 said...
Thanks Maz

 I keep thinking one step at a time but its tough i have had these feelings for so long know that it is going to take a while to sort out but i will get there.



Ben

Yes, you will! You will regain control of your life and kick this illness down and you deserve to be happy and anxiety free- hang in there mate and keep us posted, you know you can always come here for anything, you are an important part of our lil family and we believe in you.

Maz XX

Posted 12/30/2008 3:44 PM (GMT 0)
Maz

Thank you for your support it does mean a lot to me. This really is a great family and i thank all of you who have posted for your support.

Ben
Posted 12/30/2008 3:58 PM (GMT 0)

Ben,

I have an addictive nature and I knew I had to quit drinking if I was going to be able to raise my children and not end up a functional alocoholic like my stepmother. I spent a year partying and neglecting my responsibilities but when I had my youngest son I stopped drinking alocohol INXS :)  as well as smoking.

I did do diet pills prescribed by my physician and easily was hooked on them. Again I went cold turkey as I new I was begiinning to fixate on whether the Dr. would keep giving them to me..............so I quit.

I drink diet coke now and I really don't worry about the caffeine as it is certainly less dangerous then the other things I had wanted.

I believe in you and you can enjoy yourself without the alcohol.  Try to go outside and take a walk around when you start to feel anxious.  Stay away from the heavy drinkers.

Let your mind be filled with the beauty and the pleasure of what you see when you look aroud you.

I am sorry you have other problems.

Bless you Ben.

Kitt


Posted 12/30/2008 5:12 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt

Thanks for your post, i know were you are coming from and i have a very addictive nature i will listen to your advice and try not to drink. I am getting angry again because my anxiety is still giving me problems even though i am on holiday doing something i love which is really frustrating, things just seem to be constantly on my mind sometimes i can control these thoughts and other times i cant.

Take Care

Ben
Posted 12/30/2008 5:18 PM (GMT 0)
Sweet Ben just get back on the sobriety horse. Many while trying to stop an addictive behaviour slip up, its okay, but grab the bull by the horns and make a true effort to stop drinking. I agree in joining a 12 step program and getting a sponsor. At least you will have someone to call and get the support in those tough times. My daughter had a problem with prescription medications. She made it about 8 weeks and had a slip up. But she confessed her slip and is making a continued effort to stay med free. I wish you good luck with your fight.

Hugs,
Gail *Nanners*
Posted 12/30/2008 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Ben, you say you'll "try to not drink". It will be easy if you don't go to any places that serve booze. If you want to work on your social anxiety, there are many places you can do this and not have to worry about drinking. I know you're away from home, but there has got to be churches, coffee houses, museums. I honestly would start site seeing. Don't try to make conversation with people. Just be around them. Then you can work slowly into saying "hello" and see how it goes from there. If your friends put peer pressure on you then you have to let them go. They need to understand what you're going through. Take it easy and don't try so hard. Relax and listen to your body quietly.
Posted 12/30/2008 8:26 PM (GMT 0)
Nanners

Thanks for your post i am glad your daughter is making a continued effort to stay med free. I know that i can stop drinking as i have not drank for the last 8 weeks i just get hacked off that i cant seem to go out with friends and not drink as my anxiety gets so high all i want to do is be able to go out and be social with friends and not have the level of anxiety that i go through. I just want to go out and enjoy myself and be able to meet new people. Thanks Nanners for your continued support i really appreciate your advice.

Aries8 what you say does make sense and if i avoided bars i would not drink but then i get all depressed that i am missing out and end up feeling left out. Thank you for your advice i do need to work on my issues and i did learn ways of dealing with anxiety when i had CAT but i find my feelings of anxiety really hard to control, i know i need to practice and i am doing my best daily and as i said i am going to have some CBT when i get back to the UK. I have trouble accepting that i have GAD/Depression and because of this feel i am in a constant battle with my anxiety/depression which have had 25yrs to develop so will take time to sort out and get on top off. Saying that i have made progress over the last year and need to keep that going. I spoke to my therapist before i came away and she said i need to work on accepting that i have GAD/depression and once i have done that then i will find it easier to work on getting better.

Thanks to you both

Ben
Posted 12/30/2008 8:33 PM (GMT 0)
Hi

I know im relatively new here so i hope im not out of line but ive "self medicated" with alcohol for the last 10 years, since i was around 18, and initially it was great and it helped and i thought i had found the "magic cure".  the last 2 years or so its become so horrific that i find myself waking in the night with panic and the first thing that comes into my head is drink. 

my therapist has told me that ive started to use the alcohol as a "crux" or a magic pill that will take away the feeling initially even though i know that the next day (and even as i type now) that it will come back tomorrow worse, due to the simple fact that ive been using alcohol to mask a psychological problem that i have never felt strong enough to address.

i guess all im saying is that alcohol is such a devil, once it has you its so hard to let go and see that it actually makes EVERYTHING worse. 

im getting there but god its slow and i hope i will be better soon and i hope that you also will be better very soon. 

xx

Posted 12/30/2008 8:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Gem

What you posted is so true and i am in the same situation as you and know were you are coming from on this. I am pleased that you are now addressing your psychological problems which is a huge step to take and a big well done on that one. It took me a long time to admit i had mental health problems but since doing that i have made progress. I to used alcohol to self medicate and agree totally that it makes things worse, i am glad you are starting to beat alcohol and it is a slow process but i know we can both do it. I have had a tough couple of days and maybe that also has something to do with why i have been drinking again.

Thanks for posting Gem good to hear from you i am from the UK also.

Take care

Ben
Posted 12/30/2008 8:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ben

I have also started to "re use" again the last couple of days, mainly because we travelled to see my family for Xmas and i couldnt cope with the car journey and it "hyped" me up for days before and days after. I know its making me ill and the worst bit is that alcohol abuse killed my brother at only 36, im desperate to beat it and i hate the stuff but sometimes it feels like the only "magic pill" in the world.

I guess we both know that we can do it but sometimes to hear another person say that they feel the same and that they understand is very comforting, i know it is for me. We can do it and we will, but when?! SOON!!!

Thanks for answering me

Gem xx
Posted 12/30/2008 9:54 PM (GMT 0)
Ben,
You said that you felt you were "missing out" by NOT going to the bars.
My question for you is "what are you missing out on by going to them"? Sobriety, for one. Feeling less anxious, for two. I'm sure you could add some others. You are putting yourself in a place of enormous temptation, no wonder you feel anxious!

I really am sorry about the bad news you're facing. I just think that you might fare better if you had everything working in your favor. Try to find something that would be relaxing for you & use the time when the others go to the bar to do that activity. You're right that drinking gets expensive pretty quickly so that should give you quite a few alternatives that would cost the same or less than drinking. Maybe something physical like going to a dance club would help burn off some of that nervous energy so you can get some sleep.

prayers & best wishes,
frances
Posted 12/31/2008 6:03 AM (GMT 0)
Ben, the answer is easier than you think. Don't drink. You know it's a problem, so why do it? If you can't stop drinking, then you need more help than you know. Alcohol just adds to your other problems. Practice your relaxation techniques. Don't go with your friends to the bars. Tell them you don't drink any more and would rather not go. It's that simple. You'll be happy that you didn't follow the crowd. Peace is coming...
Posted 12/31/2008 8:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

I wish it was that easy, drink has been a problem for me for years i do know that i should not drink and i will stop. I like to be with my friends and i enjoy their company, i want to get to the stage were i can goto the pub and not drink and i will achieve this goal over time. I hate having anxiety and i do feel that it stops me from leading a normal life, i want to go out with my friends and be social and not feel in the grip of anxiety. I know that drinking is bad for me and i will get back on track.

Thanks guys for your advice.

Take Care

Ben
Posted 12/31/2008 2:50 PM (GMT 0)
Ben
My friend
I can only say I am sorry and that I KNOW you will get thru this you really will
BUT you have to want it totally hun

THere is not a person ( alcoholic) thaa has NOT fallen off that wagon at least once
NO SHAME.......Pick self up and get in the game once more

I have been away from HW dealing with issues but I am here so email me if you would like

Luvs
Your Canuck Lady n friend..............
Posted 12/31/2008 5:18 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Lyn

Great to see you back on Healingwell i have missed you i will drop you an email.

Ben
Posted 12/31/2008 9:30 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ben :)

Glad to hear from you again. You have been in my thoughts and I agree with Lyn. There is no shame in falling off the wagon and all you can do is pick yourself back up. . . I know from experience. I sure hope you have a great New Year despite everything!

Take care Mr. Lucky in France :) Wish I could be there to celebrate with you!
Posted 12/31/2008 11:35 PM (GMT 0)
Sam,

Thank you your support it means a lot to me, I wish you all the best for 2009 and hope you have had a good new years eve. I do feel like i have let myself down by drinking and i really hope i sort it out sharpish and work towards making 2009 a better year for me. Thanks again for your support Sam

Take Care

Ben
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