Really bad anxiety - how to make it through the day?

Hello,
Is anybody out there? i have been having a full blown anxiety attack for about 3 weeks now. i have never had one last this long. i went to my med doctor to get evaluated to see if i am bipolar. she said that i was borderline but if i wanted i could try lamictal. i started out on the 25mg dose for 3 weeks. it was horrible. i felt nothing but numbness. my husband liked me that way because i didn't have all the anger anymore. the problem is i didn't have any feelings at all. i called my doctor and told her that lamictal was not for me and she told me to just stop taking it. i was also having a lot of weird thoughts like when we were stopped at a stop light i just wanted to jump out of the car and run around in the intersection. another day i was lying next to my husband and i started wondering how it would feel to just start stabbing him. these are not normal thoughts for me and they scared me to death. since i have stopped taking the lamictal (2day now) i have felt better as far as i am starting to feel some emotion again but i am highly anxious. if i take xanax then i feel calmer but i don't want to get hooked on that drug either. i also have some valium at home but that makes me feel drugged and disconnected. can anyone please post back to me quickly. i'm losing it over here and i have no one to call to talk to.
thanks

Hi Rehab
Welcome to HealingWell and the A & P Forum.

I am so glad you found us. It sounds to me like you and your physician need to sit down and work out a plan to get you to a Pdoc. How did your regular Doc decide your were borderline Bipolar? There is Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar which may over lap but what is he treating you for and what are your sx.?

"Bipolar disorder is thought of as a spectrum disorder in that there are extreme forms and mild forms and everything in between." Perhaps he meant you had a mild form of Bipolar?

You have come to the right place to find kind and caring members who will support you and care about your.

Keep posting and know we are here for you.

You did the right thing in calling your physician and getting off the med.
Again a warm welcome
Kitt

Wow atleast I know now that I'm not the only feeling like I practically lost it! But really I have been on xanax for years and have never gained an addiction from it. Maybe you shouldn't take a whole one, talk to your doctor about that. Plus, I am bipolar and have been diagnosed since the age of 9. I'm not a professional but given all the diagnosis I have it sort of sounds like bipolar to me. Maybe you should try seeing another doctor and getting a second opinion. I gotta go but I hope we get to talk some more...I'll be back on Mon. Take care...

Thanks to the people who replied. it helps just knowing that there are people out there who have been thru this and understand that just because some of us have emotional problems doesn't make us lunatics. i'll tell you all a little background. i'm 56 years old. my first husband drowned in the bathtub at the age of 40. he was an alcoholic and addicted to meds. my daughter (who was 16 at the time) found her father dead. that really screwed her up. it has also had a lasting effect on me and my other daughter as well. the thing is i had suffered from anxiety and panic attacks from as far back as i can remember. both my daughters (32 & 28) also have anxiety and panic. my oldest daughter has been diagnosed as bipolar and takes 250 mg of lamictal a day. she says it has helped her a lot. i go to a med doc at a mental health institute. she is the one who gave me the questionaire about being bipolar. when she was finished she said that she thought i could be borderline bipolar but not really any more than that. i have been on 10 mgs of paxil a day for about 10 years. she suggested that i up the paxil to 20mgs. a day and stop taking the lamictal. i also am on several other meds for different health problems. i take levothyroxine for my low thyroid, requip for restless leg, hydrochlorothyazide and potassium for meniere's disease (inner ear dysfunction causing dizziness) , repliva for very low iron. i have been in and out of therapy since i was 19 years old. i am now seeing a therapist again at the mental health institute where my med doc is. i have just started working with this new therapist because we moved from NC to AZ about 4 months ago. i am married to a man that i really love but it is difficult for him to work and be able to hold my hand constantly. i am retired and have no friends so i am at home most of the time alone. this is something that i have not been able to get used to. i have always been social and been able to make friends easily. but when i am having high anxiety it is too difficult to take a shower much less leave the house. i absolutely hate this feeling. i don't feel connected to anything or anybody. my biggest fear is that i'll end up in a mental ward and ruin us financially. i went on ling earlier today and ordered an herbal supplement called seredyn. has anyone used this before? if so let me know how it worked for you.

ok. i'm going to go now. if anyone wants to reply to me, i'll be home the rest of the day.

I'd like to extend a warm welcome to you on your first visit to Healing Well! To help you get the most out of the Anxiety and Panic Forum please take the time to browse our threads.

You have already received great advice and I hope you stick with us. You have found a warm and caring group of members that will soon feel like family to you.

Again a warm welcome

Kitt