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Posted 1/22/2009 10:39 PM (GMT 0)
i said in past of me and my husband physical relationship being bad but its hit hit a all time low its been 4 months, and every time i ask its to late, the kids are still up,are another excuse i told him thats what doors are for, i am so depressed there is nothing positive anymore, i told him how its hurting me and he just says that he doesn't what to hurt me, i have my health problems, my oldest child being a nightmare, the world, husbands job is still shaky, marriage is i don't know anymore, i am just so hurting, what did i deserve this life, my parents were abusive, and you always hope you can find someone who cares about you, why can't i find it. cry cry cry cry cry
Posted 1/22/2009 10:50 PM (GMT 0)

Oh Machelle,

It sounds like the sun has gone behind the clouds for you.  Take some deep breaths and don't let your current situation overwhelm you.  If your husband isn't treating you the way you feel you deserve then you need to pick a good time to sit down and talk it through with him. When we feel unloved and under-appreciated then everything becomes so much worse and we feel "unstable" and insecure.

This could be why you feel everything is crashing down upon you right now sweetie. Try and tackle these issues one at a time..as I said, it's easy to get overwhelmed. maybe you could suggest that you and your husband have one night together that's just for you. It doesn't have to mean going out or spending money..it could be a nice home cooked meal..or a DVD on the couch.

You deserve much love and respect. Don't settle for anything less my friend.

((((hugs))))

Meg

Posted 1/22/2009 10:56 PM (GMT 0)
i have tried to talk to him he gets mad about it he says it the same old complaint, hes heard over and over, what am i supposed to think, he makes me feel rejected , ugly. everyday is getting harder and harder, i feel myself pull away from him and you know if you go to far there is no going back. it just seems like i am not worthy of love of any kind.
Posted 1/22/2009 11:40 PM (GMT 0)

Machelle,

You are SO worthy of love. Don't let that insecurity take over okay? You are a beautiful and caring wife and mother and you do not deserve to be treated this way. If you honestly aren't getting any support from him and you are serious about changing this bad situation you may need to consider the option of leaving.

I don't mean to be overly dramatic..and I'm sure it seems overwhelming to even consider leaving with all that is going on, I'm just saying that you may want to think about it if things don't improve. No-one deserves to live with uncertainty or to be made to feel unnattractive and worthless.

You deserve more sweetie. Fight for it.

((((hugs)))))

Meg

Posted 1/22/2009 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
i have thought of me leaving and i am scared but it might be my only option, sometimes it feels like he is driving to leave so he won't be the bad guy in front of the kids, and the kids i hate to hurt them, but i am slowly going down hill. i guess if he sees that i am serious he may straighten up, or maybe not
Posted 1/23/2009 12:58 AM (GMT 0)

Machelle,

I'm glad that you have considered leaving..it means you have some kahoonas and are ready to fight! Maybe your intent to leave may be what he needs to get his act together, but I would expect big changes from him and many apologies. Don't let him beg off.

If you are the one who does the leaving I'm sure your kids won't see you as the bad guy, they are most likely sensitive to the tension and will respect you for making such a brave decision.

Best of luck with whatever happens, Hugs,

Meg

Posted 1/24/2009 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
Machelle,

I'm so sorry that you're facing such a struggle. It is true that sometimes even our loved ones don't hear us crying out for what we need, no matter how clearly we think we're saying it.

Is couples counseling an option for the two of you? Sometimes it's easier to find inexpensive or even free marriage counseling than any other kind. Perhaps through a church or local government agency?

You sound to me as though you feel there's a wall there, that you just can't get through communication-wise, and that's really frustrating, hurtful, and belittling to you. Remember that you truly are a worthwhile person, even though this situation makes you think you're not.

Love and prayers to you, sweetie,
percycat
Posted 1/24/2009 3:15 PM (GMT 0)
machelle, i've gone through the same with with my husband - i can totally relate. we found a really good marriage counsellor (psychologist) and he helped us work through a lot of those little things in the past that we swept under the rug. it really broke down a lot of walls and our counsellor was able to hear what i was saying and relay it to my husband in such a way that he understood what i was feeling. it didn't change much at first, it just made him more affectionate in other ways. it's still not the same as it was but I recommend trying to see a counsellor maybe.
sometimes life just gets in the way and i don't know a whole lot about your history/situation, but (and please don't take this the wrong way) but maybe back off? remember what it was like when you were dating and he pursued you? (if that was the case?) maybe he's going through something that really doesn't have anything to do with you or maybe the stresses of life are really getting to him? even if couples counselling isn't an option, maybe if he gets some personal counselling and is able to work through whatever he needs to work through, things will get better between you. maybe respect whatever boundaries he's put around himself and approach it differently. ((HUGS)) I know how devastating that rejected feeling can be and I feel for you - heck i still feel for me! lol - remember that it takes time to get to where you've gotten in your relationship and it will take time to turn things around.
Posted 1/24/2009 5:17 PM (GMT 0)
Machelle you have every right to be happy and feel loved. I want you to know you have not done anything wrong, and this IS NOT your fault. I agree with the above that maybe counseling is in order for you both. If he won't go, then think of going for yourself and your kids. My daughter is going thru a divorce right now, and her oldest daughter told her sometime before she finally left, to leave him, she was sick of their fighting. And my little granddaughter is only 11. So if that is the decision you make, I want you to understand that your kids will understand. I think they may be more aware of the problems than you think.


I will definetly keep you in my prayers, that God will guide your steps, and help you make the right decisions. Come to us anytime you need, we will always be here for you

God Bless,
Gail *Nanners*
Posted 1/24/2009 11:16 PM (GMT 0)
Machelle
There was plenty of mths go by that my spouse and I did nothing due to him worrying he would cause pain ( have crohns) BUT that was out of love for me
I know that we did cuddle and still love one another
Things were not what I thought

Maybe he is having problems in the dept due to all the stessors such as job and all you mentioned
I AM sure he loves you and I really believe you deserve to be happy and loved
Give it some more thought if you care too and hopefully with all the prayers and wishs as well as support coming your way it will change soon.........

** Can u hire a sitter .....get the house all lite up with scented candles have a nice hot tubby together............
Ya never know where that may lead.............
Posted 1/25/2009 5:50 AM (GMT 0)
i want us to work i still love him and times are hard too with the economy, but we've had troubles for a while i think after a while he started taking me for granted, marriage is something that needs to be nurtured and if you don't it will die. i going to try backing off for a while and see how that goes, and if not marriage counciling , if i see no change maybe we may have to separate, but i so scared to let go, it means alot to me to have you guys to talk to , your the only ones i can talk to about this


love you guys,
machelle
Posted 1/25/2009 8:14 AM (GMT 0)
Machelle,

 

I truly understand your feelings as I am pretty much going through the exact same thing with my siginifacte other. I often wonder what I ever did wrong to deserve my life too. I also question if I will ever be truly loved and I wonder what is so unloveable about me. Whenever I feel or think this way, I remind myself that I didn't choose my depression and anxiety disorders, I didn't do anything to deserve them and that I am worthy of love. I feel like my man kicks me when I am down but I put up with it because I do love him and I want our relationship to work out.  I too have considered leaving him but like I said I love him and at the current moment I don't think that mentally I could handle a break up.

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