First me and now my son

I have suffered with GAD and panic disorder for about 12 years. I pretty much have it under control, except for dizziness and a tendency to be a worrier and isolate myself a bit. But on the whole i am in a good state nowadays, and I'm proud of how far i've come.

The problem i have currently is my son. He is 9, and suffers from a swallowing problem, which is not caused by any physical problem - yep, its psychological.

He first had problems when he was just five - he had a small choking incident (no heimlich manouvre or anything, just a french fry going downt he wrong way) at school, and overnight he went from eating a normal varied diet to only managing liquids.

My partner and I visited his GP who said he had had a fright and it would probably right itself soon enough.
Well, 5 years later and he still has the problem. Of course he recovered a fair bit (we initially followed a great ormond street hospital eating plan that i found online as our doctor was useless) and he generally nowadays eats a range of 'safe' food - jacket potato and tuna mayo, bread and butter, croissants, soft fish sometimes, well cooked carrots.. BUT, always in small amounts, and taking 1 hour to eat a very small plateful.

We have tried various different methods of help over the years - introducing new foods slowly ( a bite a night, this was successful when he was younger), star charts (he's too old now they don't work), letting him choose his own foods (which we are trying now), a feeding clinic at our local hospital (who were great but really only experienced with children with physical problems), a NLP practitioner (she was also lovely but my son was too active to sit still and talk and visualize!), an NHS child psychologist referral (a nurse interviewed him, and as his eating was moderately ok at the the time and so they discharged him), a homeopath (did nothing), plus endless googling, different tactics.. etc etc.

Right now he is VERY bad, and it has hit us hard as he had a period of about 6 weeks where he was eating and swallowing normally - actually had school dinners and even ate rice and pasta. I thought he had finally grown out of it. Now, he is very bad, we dont know why, and he can barely swallow his own saliva, and ate 4 mouthfuls of potato on 40 minutes.

I know this is an anxiety type symptom, but its a standalone one, and its become the worst kind of vicious circle for him. I also worry about how he will be in the future if he doesn't learn to cope with it - he may well have it for life. im so depressed, i dont know what to do, and it's bringing back my own anxiety symptoms. its so hard to be patient - to always be positive, though i know i must try to not pass on my worries and stress him out even more.

Can anyone relate to this swallowing thing? To hear an adults description of how it feels may help me understand. Also how many of you suffered with anxiety or panic as children? And how can you treat a child with his trouble? i just dont know what to do, i thought he was getting better, but it seems like the problem will just keep on returning...

Also, Hazed, I noticed on your post that you say to read Claire Weekes. I've got 2 of her books. Anyway, if you recall, she states in her book that we need not worry about swallowing. If we take small bites and just chew, the food will go down on its own. Suggest to your son that he try that.

Corrie_1 said...
Wow... I can relate to this.

When I was a kid I had chronic problems with swallowing, my parents were very strict and made me eat even though just to swallow caused me great pain (And yes... even my own saliva, I'd swallow but my throat would felt like it was trying to force it back up instead of helping it go down).

Corrie - wow this is excactly what he describes. he chew and chews unil he has a mass of saliva and liquified food in his mouth. which he sits and holds in his cheeks (looking like a hamster) then after a few minutes will painfully swallow, or sometimes he has to spit it out.
Were there any techniques that you used to make you feel better? Any situations or places that were better? Did you have periods where it got better or worse? Like, phases of it? And if so do you think they co-incided with any particular life events? I wish I could sit and chat with you about it - youre the first person ive met who has actually experienced this firsthand! Anything you can remember abuout how it eventually went away would be so ineteresting to know.

Aries8 said...
Also, Hazed, I noticed on your post that you say to read Claire Weekes. I've got 2 of her books. Anyway, if you recall, she states in her book that we need not worry about swallowing. If we take small bites and just chew, the food will go down on its own. Suggest to your son that he try that.

Unfortunately, this tip is not actually true for him - he tried this a long time ago, and he is able to chew and chew and some learnt reflex prevents ANY food going down. I find it hard to understand myself, but there it is..

I don't remember why it finally went away, but I do remember it being effected by how intense things were around me. When I was more stressed (or when my anxiety was up) it was harder to eat, maybe relaxation techniques might help? He might be getting stressed about eating now that he knows that it's difficult, which might just be compounding the problem? I don't know I'm not a doc. But I know as soon as there was pressure on me to eat, it became more difficult. He might just need to learn to relax around eating, at 10 years old this would be a very difficult thing to handle.

I had times when things were easier - usually parallel to less stress and anxiety in my life. I found when I wasn't worrying about eating it was easier to eat.

I never contributed this problem to anxiety until I read your post - it was just one of the many unanswered questions I had as a kid, so I never got any treatment. I'd suggest being really understanding, having food that is easy to eat and available... maybe have nutritional snacks out while he's playing something like video games? If he's not concentrating on eating when he eats it might be easier? Try and associate food with something positive that he enjoys doing.

If you have any other questions please ask :)

My anxiety symptoms have changed now that I'm an adult, and I remember very little of my childhood. But I hope that can help.

Hello Hazed and Welcome!

You already received such great advice and I don't have anything to add except that I wish your son and family much blessing for your futures :)

Take care!

Thank you to everyone, it makes me better to have your support. Ive always found this forum to be the best and most supportive - its helped me so many times.. Sorry if i vent a bit here - feeling close to the edge today!

My son seems to be getting worse over the last couple of days. He's now only managing soup and bread and butter, I even found him holding milk in his mouth that he couldnt bring himself to swallow. I have to keep telling myself that we have been here before, and it has passed, but its heartbreaking. He's now started worrying that he will get ill from lack of food, which is only adding to his stress.
I think he may be worrying about our upcoming holiday (thailand) in 3 weeks. His dad (my ex) told him that the country was at war - which is simply not true, they had a small airport protest which is all fine now. Myself i'm worried about a lack of easy to eat foods available - its all very spicy, and rice based dishes. When we booked the trip his eating was very very good, the best its ever been, which i think is why its such a shock to see him like this again. What a shame as we have saved for ages for this trip which is an amazing opportunity..
Strangely it seems harder for him to overcome it now hes older - i guess his thoughts/feeling are more complex - plus he has 4 years of memory of the problem to reinforce it.

Corrie_1 said...
I'd suggest being really understanding, having food that is easy to eat and available... maybe have nutritional snacks out while he's playing something like video games? If he's not concentrating on eating when he eats it might be easier? Try and associate food with something positive that he enjoys doing.

Corrie - thank you for your message back. Your advice is spot on - we do this already but tis good to hear someone else suggest it.. He goes and eats while hes on the computer or in his room and it helps a little, and he says its easier at school where he's distracted.

I was wondering about the possible use of any herbal supplements for anxiety suitable for kids - maybe Rhodiola Rosea? I dont want to put him on meds of course, that would be really wrong i think.
Well, thank you everyone again. i hope no-one minds if i bump this thread every so often.

Garen, nice post! You've been through a lot. I hope things get better. You've got the right attitude and you're helping yourself. Better days and years are ahead for you!

Hazed, let us know how the "blowaway technique" works. Does it help with anxiety? Let us know and best wishes!

I'm sorry that your son is going through this. You need to explain to him and have a therapist do the same, that recovery happens one step at a time. I think that therapy like this is a good thing up to a point, because everyone is different and therapy is a very specialized thing for the induvidual. For example, I use a method called the "One Move Technique" for anxiety which works for me but I have met several people that it has just made it worse.

Has your son's doctor tried him on vitamin shakes like Ensure? If you have to puree away, just do it for his health. . . I have helped do this for patients that needed it and the nurishment did wonders for them. I could not imagine how scary this is for you and the rest of your family. If your son continues in his depression, you need to see another doctor for this. . . Childhood should not be spent in depression, I know from personal experience. I also don't see how backpacking is going to help him when he is going through so much right now and if he gets worse while you all are on holiday. Is there support nearby or is it a remote location? I'm sure the fresh air and scenery would be a spirit lifter, but his condition is fragile right now and might not be a good thing. Just my 2 cents. . . I am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Ah thanks garen, its so strange to hear you describe it..

"Like if I was eating right now and really started to think, "what if this bite in my mouth doesnt make it down"? My throat would close up and I would have to spit out the food.
Its hard bc you have to not think about things like that when you eat and trying NOT to think about it only makes you THINK about it!!"

He is 9 years old by the way.

I reckon that is also how the problem can come back even after he's got over a bad phase. I guess it only take one little thought of "what if this bite in my mouth doesnt make it down" and it will happen a bit, then the next day, he remembers that, and it comes back a bit more, until he's then EXPECTING it, which will guarantee the feeling comes! How to break that cycle is the hard part.
Do you think, the reverse could work.. like, if he has a meal which is a little better and feels easier, then he will be a little less anxious, then the next meal, he remembers that, and it gets easier..? Im kind of thinking out loud here dont mind me! Trouble with that, is that he IS still thinking about it, even if its a thought of yesterday it was easier.

It reminds me so much of the way panic attacks work, the 'fear of the fear'. There has to be a way of using the coping techniques of the scary thoughts in panic attacks, and using them for his problem. but then it doubly hard as he's a kid.

Any ideas anyone