Having a rough time

Hi, dixibella.

You sure are dealing with a struggle, not just your own, but concern for your husband. It sounds like you did really well to me last night - doing what you needed to do to take care of yourself when it was needed.

It sounds like you are very worried for your husband, and I'd be the same. Why don't you ask him whether he'd like you to be with him tomorrow? Maybe he would feel supported and safe to feel his grief with you there, or maybe he would prefer to be alone in her house in order to not have to hold himself together for you and others. He may be feeling like he can't fall apart either, because he needs to be strong for the rest of the family. Anyhow, ask him.

I hope you can find a little relief in what will likely be a very hard next few days. If you need to step out for a bit, to get some air, take meds, or just escape, that might help, so please try not to beat yourself up for it.

Sending positive thoughts to you and your hubby and whole family,
percycat

My heart goes out to you! Do what you can handle, and whatever that may be, let your husband know that you love him and care for him. Feel what you need to feel. There is no right or wrong feelings. It sounds like you are doing as well as anyone can expect, and you certainly don't need to be perfect. Just be you and all will be fine.

Sorry to hear about your mother in law my deepest condolances to you and your family we are here to support you.

Take care

Ben

Dixi,

Not sure what your company benefits are, but where I work we have bereavement pay for 5 days. That is for the loss of your immediate family members or your spouses. I think for me, I would stay with my husband. There are so many things to do and it can get very overwhelming.

I am so sorry for your loss, and I will definetly keep you and your family in my prayers. I know how you are feeling, I lost my Mom only 7 weeks ago and I am still dealing with alot of grief.

God Bless,
Gail *Nanners*

Thanks everyone for all the support. Today was a better day anxiety-wise so that was helpful. We had a pretty low key day up until 5 when we got home from running errands. I had gone out to the barn to see my horse and my BIL's horse has been stuck in the barn on stall rest with an injury so I called to him and he's is ALWAYS at his door looking for some attention and I called and called and he didn't come. So I went to check out the situation and he was barely able to stand, he's reinjured his hip and the minute he came to his door he started to shake and sweat all over with pain. I called my husband who called his brother that the vet needed to come. So on top of dealing with funeral arrangements we had to take care of a sick horse. The vet did some checks on him and gave him some pain medication but its not looking good at all. She is pretty sure that there is nothing they can do for this type of injury. :( He hasn't had the horse long but its a horrible thing to have happen, without all the extra crap. So I was doing pretty well till now I've started to let it hit me. Plus my husband has had a ton of calls and wasn't sure if his son was going to be able to fly in for the service this weekend and he was going back and forth...and meanwhile I am holding my tongue trying not to get mad but its his grandmother, I'm sorry if its inconvenient but its family and you just need to be there whether your wife is having a tantrum about it or not! But kept it to myself until my husband brought it up... I mean grow up! Its a funeral not a keg party its not like anyone is excited for it but its those times when you need your family the most! He did call later on to say he was coming but you can just see the strain it put on my husband and he just doesn't need that. Argh. But he's had a bunch of calls today and a friend stopped by to offer condolences so I think that made him feel a bit better. He's just not quite let it hit him yet. We're home tomorrow too so that will be good. Hopefully there will be no more drama but I know he's dreading that his ex might show up at the funeral so we're both stressing about that as well. I just wish there was more I could do.

Thanks Kitt, its an awful enough thing to deal with death without people getting in a funk about how things are handled. I unfortunately have seen way too much of that with families splitting up as a result of messy division of property etc, and I don't think we're out of the woods yet on that account.
The funeral is now behind us, we have to wait for the graveside service but it was a beautiful memorial and many people from work came to support my husband, he was so reassured by the support I was so glad they could be there for him. Neither of us were glad that his ex did show up, she is a terribly unpleasant person and has drug addiction issues as well as a tendency to make a scene! She didn't do anything too terrible besides corner my husband to offer her condolences (flowers would have been better since he made it clear he doesn't want her around at all) but her son did warn me that she likes to throw and elbow and to watch my back. I appreciated the sentiment but it pretty much put me over the edge, I was shaking from head to toe and managed to pull myself together for a while but pretty much fell apart afterwards. We've been fighting, I know I shouldn't be insecure about it but I am having a much harder time being the 2nd Mrs than I thought I would. I told him about it before we got married and I thought just that reassurance from him would help it ease up but the rare times we have to be around her I turn into this angry hateful shrew and I really get disgusted that I feel so angry that she even exists. None of my friends are 2nd wives so they don't really have any advice and I am sort of lost. I think that baggage has been weighing on me as well as some other things. I can't really figure out why it bugs me so much but paired with all the stress of last week with the funeral, the horse, waiting for test results to come back, all the symptoms and getting no sleep I really came undone. I'm feeling better now but I'm so tired its hard to dredge up all those feelings and deal with them now that I get a chance to breathe again.
I did hear back from my doctor, besides one test that came back a tiny bit low everything was "normal" so I cancelled my appt tomorrow. I have no idea what the heck is going on but I start my 3 consecutive weeks of OMT next week so I am hoping maybe that will help ease my symptoms. I'm glad that I don't have hemachromatosis because some of that just scared the heck out of me but I am frustrated to still have no answers. The palps are still there, the Toprol has slowed them down but they are still bothersome and I've been avoiding taking the muscle relaxer but I should just take one and see if it helps. Its good that we don't hvae a ton of plans coming up and I can get some relaxation time in, hopefully settle myself from all the emotional turmoil.

Well, I can't say too much that everyone else had already said. My condolences on the passing of your mother-in-law. It's a shame that things need to happen like this but it sounds like you are holding together just fine. Just try to stay in the moment and just be there for your husband as he needs you now. Remember to take care of yourself.

Sorry to drag this up again but I'm having a rough night, my anxiety is dragging me down today and I am just so tired. My chest hurts so much and I feel tense, I have a headache and I'm on the verge of going to the emergency room. I'm trying to console myself that I have an OMT appt tomorrow so maybe he can help with some of my pain but I'm just so tired of hurting all the time.
Today was a really bad day so I do know that my anxiety is amplified by everything that's happened. My BIL had to put down his horse, he's in our back yard and unfortunately the roads are posted so they h ave to wait till tomorrow before they can bury him. I am glad he's not suffering anymore but it is so hard to even process. I'm emotionally shut down and its starting to rear its ugly head in the form of PAs. Then tonight while we were eating dinner my mom called to say my gram had a stroke today. She is in the hospital and its too early to tell whats going to happen next. I'm so emotionally drained I can't even respond to it. I still haven't processed the funeral last weekend and now all this. I just feel completely sapped. Sorry to whine on but I just need to get it out. I can't even begin to process any of this emotional crap. And that is what it is... crap! Enough already!!!