Question for members who have (or have had) young children.

Hi Treester!

Oh my goodness - "I don't want to ruin him!" - you sound like a very loving, concerned and involved parent - how could that do anything but benefit a child?!

I have three small children ages 1, 2 & 5 years old. Since my anxiety/panic reared its ugly head in late childhood, I am probably hypersensitive like you with regards to watching my children, analyzing their behavior and so forth. It was worse with my first...once I had three and realized how completely different each child could be, I relaxed. Every child is so different with their own personalities. Also seeing other children at preschool has reinforced how wide the range is...odds are, your child's behavior falls right in line with the big bell curve of shyness and other personality traits for a normal 4-5 year old.

With that said, I have to be honest with myself when I know that I have a strong hereditary basis for my panic and 3 children - odds are that one or more of them with inherit some similar traits. The 2 year old is almost 3 and has raised so many "red flags" for me since he was born. But he's adorable and a handful and I'm not going to worry about it unless I see it really affecting his little life. Right now, he seems happy, so I'm happy. One blessing of having dealt with this and having had parents who didn't respond for so long is that I will be right there to step in and help my child if a similar issue arises.

If you struggle with having to talk to other parents, why not arrange playdates at your own home with just the other child? I do it all the time - I just take the other child home from school and the drop him off at his/her house later. It gives my child playtime with a friend and helps her build friendships while I don't have to sit and try to strike up chatty conversation with another mom or worry about having a panic attack in front of her.

We also go to the park a lot where my kids can play with other kids and I can sit on a bench and read or hang with the baby - if I get anxious or nervous, I pop up and "It's time to go home!". We also take lots of trips to the library and similar places. Your son can interact and see other children without you feeling the pressure of making conversation or interacting with other parents. I also started going to the preschool playground after school - it forces me to talk to other moms, but I'm glad to get to know the other children's parents and since we are outside and have my car close by, I can pop them in if I start to feel too uncomfy.

If your son is happy and not struggling, then try to go with the flow and not worry (I know, so much easier said than done!). We worriers project so much on ourselves and our children - we have to battle to stop that projection and let them develop how they will, for better or worse. If you are creating issues, most likely you are creating them for yourself and causing yourself worry...it probably is not affecting him. It's only affecting you!

HUGS - being a mom is tough...and being a mom with anxiety is even tougher! I'm right there with you :)

I can tell by your writing that you are a wonderful mom. Why? Because you care deeply about your children!

Did you know that one of the top concerns that parents have is that other parents are judging them? I guess that makes you and I pretty normal huh? =)

I decided a long time ago that I would stop worrying about whether or not my children "caught" my anxiety issues, because I realized that ALL parents feel anxiety. Anxiety and uncertainty are a part of everyone's lives... we just tend to overreact to it as anxiety disorder people. I decided that if I was successful in one thing as far as my little ones were concerned, it would be that they know that they are loved and will always be loved. Of course, I try and teach them responsibility, accountability, etc., but if they grow up knowing that their father loves them for who they are no matter what, well then, I count that as an ultimate goal.

Love and cherish your children, and know that when you are around other parents, they are more than likely worried about the same things you are. If your children develop issues, then deal with them... but don't try and anticipate them in advance or you'll just be wasting your energy.

Most of all, have fun with them as often as you can. They grow up WAY too fast!!!

Hey guys, I'm so glad you posted this Treester!  I have a 4 year old son (almost 5) and I constantly worry about him and if he will be anxious like me.  So far he seems ok other than being a little shy and clingy.  It's funny cause I usually avoid the crowded parks with lots of parents and go for the empty parks if i can find one.     I recently enrolled him in karate class in hopes that he will build up his confidence and self esteem and hey maybe i'll build up mine by talking to some of the parents.  I'm a single parent so he has to leave me to go to his dads every other weekend and this makes me anxious even more cause I miss him so much.  I think maybe I have more seperation anxiety than he does.  LOL  Anyways, I'm relieved i'm not the only one, I was starting to think I was. 

Mel