scared

Its hard, but what you have to do is first find out that it is okay for you to be alone. I went thru this after a divorce. Kept getting hurt, so I made the decision to stay single for awhile until I become comfortable in my own skin, and was okay being alone. I really don't think you can really be in a healthy relationship until you are comfortable being on your own. Hope that made some sense. Hugs!

This is my take...
The "rotton, hyperactive" 3 year old needs you to be a tough and decisive parent. It sounds to me that because you are unable to take control, the 3 year old takes control. Everytime I've seen a "rotten" kid I notice that the parent is clueless about how to parent. Like my cousin, his boy is "rotton" but it's his Dad's fault. His dad will sit on the couch and yell "stop that" over and over without getting up and doing anyting. I can't stand it when he says Jordan! you better not touch that" the kid touches it and the dad yells something else. No time out, toys taken away, spank on the botton, nose in the corner...no consequenses. If kids have no boundaries and are allowed to act up they will. Look, your child is three years old and should not be allowed to be rotten; you allow it. Every child pushes limits with their parents and when their parents don't provide consequences for acting bad then the kids do more and more. You can do something about it now.
Make sure he gets attention for doing good things, gets exercise (he needs to be able to run, climb and , eats well balanced meals, gets enough sleep, and suffers consequences for doing wrong.

Now you...you concentrate on that boy you had and the relationship will come. Look for ways to better yourself like taking a martial arts class or something.