Back from my hiatus

Hey everyone! I haven't been on here in a few months, but thought I'd touch base since so many of you had such wonderful support for me previously.

To date, I've been in talk therapy, once weekly. It has proven to be tremendously enlightening and I am working through all sorts of issues pertaining to my anxiety. I began going because I had horrid anxiety related to my IBS. As we delved further, I soon realized a lot of my anxiety (which in turn exacerbated my IBS) stems from the fact that I am very unhappy with my current occupation as a lawyer. I just don't much personal satisfaction out of my job and I think that leaves me feeling overwhelmingly bored, stressed, and desparate.

After that realization, I began to ponder what else there is I can do. I unfortunately engaged in a lot of silly negative talk with myself...basically relegating myself to the idea that I wasn't good at anything but being a lawyer, that no one outside of a law firm would want me, and that I couldn't stand to take a paycut. All rubbish.

So, now I'm focusing on really taking action to find something else. I'm networking, reaching out to former professors, professional contacts, friends...starting to overcome my fear. I'm not there yet, but I'm close!

I also realized that my constant obsessive worrying and anxiety was wreaking havoc with my mental and physical health. I was a mess. My IBS was a constant pain in the you know what..literally...and my relationship with my boyfriend was suffering horrifically. Part of that was that my boyfriend has a hard time coping with my IBS. He emotionally detaches when I'm suffering, which caused me to feel isolated and resentful.

So, long story long, I"m still in therapy, starting couples therapy next week and just went back on an anti-d to try to help me through this pit of hell I've been in of late. I"m taking Effexor XR. I took it once before for 2 years and it worked really well for me, but I truly never though I'd go on it again because I had horrid withdrawal. But, it works better for me than others I've tried so I thought what the hell. I have nothing to lose. Also still taking klonopin as needed.

Hope everyone is well. I'll be checking in more often as I could use the support. I need to draw myself out of my cave of despair and share my feelings more. It truly helps.

Bela

So far so good on the Effexor. I have had minimal side effects, if anything, I already am beginning to feel a spike in my energy level, more stable moods and less irritability/agitation. Thank goodness. I do have an increase in diarrhea from the meds, but I get that from just about all anti-d's. I hope that it gets better in a week or two after my body adjusts.

On a good note, other than the sporadic diarrhea, the meds do seem to help calm my gut down quite a bit. I usually dread waking up in the morning because of the pain, but this has seemed to improve somewhat since starting the anti-d.

I will keep you posted on my progress and also my job search :) Thanks again for the encouragement.