Hi all x x
Im new to the forum and im looking for some hel and support in my 20 year battle with panic and anxiety disorder
I first started having panic attacks when i was just 9, I had horrifying thoughts about
death and believed every thing i took part in would cause me to die, not a nice thing for a child to deal with, I havent had the best life possible but in no way have i had the worst either but different events throughout my life have triggered the attacks and I have what I call flare ups
I went through a particularly bad flare up at the age of 19 just after my nana who was everything to me passed away, the dark thoughts and the feeling of dread are the bits i findest hardest to deal with :( I psycho analise everything and beleive i have allsorts of things wrong with me which are going to lead to me dieing young, this drives me insane!!
Back in june I lost a very very close uncle who was diagnosed with oral cancer in the october 2008, had extensive surgery, chemo, radio therapy and was on the road to recovery until things went from bad to worse, he was rushed to hospital in may with what we where first told was exhaustion and dehydration, this then turned to pneumonia and then they added pluracy, a week went by and he started to suffer diferent symptoms and on june 8th 09 we where told he had an inoperable brain tumour and had weeks if not days to live, his 50th birthday was june 10th :(
Me, my mum and my younger sister nursed him until he died at home with us on june 22nd 09, the reason i tell you all this is because i think this has had a major part in my recent flare up
I feel ike im going crazy, loosing control and fear of dying and making myself ill, the gut wrenching feeling in dread in my stomach, the sleepless nights, blurred vision, convincing myself i myself must have a brain tumour, its all driving me insane and well i guess i just need to talk to people who know how im feeling and dont just think im some kind of insane hypochondriac
:edited: because I somehow forgot to mention that despite all the horrible things I have been through and still go through with my panic and anxiety disorder I am mum to 3 wonderful children, 1 girl age 7, and 2 boys age 6 and 3, I also have a wonderful partner who is my soul mate but he really struggle to understand my condition and therefore doesnt quite seem to know how to give me the support and reassurance i need x
hugglebunny x
Post Edited (hugglebunny) : 1/6/2010 5:53:07 AM (GMT-7)