Any thoughts about this...?

I was wondering if anyone could relate to my experience and give me any advice on this situation. What it is: there's this little 6 year old girl "Haley" that has recently started coming to the Sunday meetings (religious service) that I attend. She comes with her stepdad Aaron and and mom Molly. They are also raising her 5 year old cousin "Kendra" who also comes with them. Now Kendra is an extrovert and LOVES attention! She loves hugs and seems to be crazy about Aaron. However, Haley is the exact opposite. She is very introverted. She mostly keeps her head down or keeps her eyes looking at the ground. She likes me because I've made a point to speak to her every meeting, telling her that I'm her friend, and asking her if she will be my friend. She always nods "yes". I give her and Kendra little gifts and drawings occassionally. She never speaks to anyone, but a few weeks ago, I asked her if she could say my name for me if she'd whisper it in my ear. She nodded and whispered my name when I bent down. I have gotten her to smile for me by joking around and such. She seldoms smiles otherwise. Her mom is impressed that Haley has opened up to me so quickly (at least it is quick where Haley is concerned! It took Aaron's sister 1 1/2 years to get Haley to start talking to her!) Haley doesn't actually talk to me as of yet, but I'm working on it. I am not familiar enough with Molly to ask her personal questions about Haley. I do feel that Haley has anxiety. Molly told me that Haley hasn't ever spoken to her school teacher and school lets out in two days!

What little I know about Haley has been told to me in bits and pieces, here and there.

I am going to continue to try to make this sweet child feel comfortable around me. I feel so sorry for her! My aunt thinks that she's an abused child...I don't know. I hope not. My aunt and mom were abused growing up, so they tend to be suspicious of everyone...however, I am not dismissive of their feelings when they get "vibes" and such. It is strange, but as it is, I only know what I've shared here now. Has anyone here had any dealings with a similar child or maybe was one themselves'? I'd love to hear your feedback everybody!

Thanks!

janet

Yes, I will do what I can for this dear little girl. She is so excessively shy! I feel for her very much. She'll look around as if she's looking for me but never lets her eyes rest on me but for a second, then she looks away. I'm determined to get her comfy enough with me to actually talk a little bit! :)
Thanks for your info and kind words Kitt! You're just that type of lady!
Hugs!
jl

Hi, Lyn!
Thanks for your input! I have no idea what kind of background this child has. Hopefully in time, I'll learn more about her. I just want to think that somehhhow, I can make a positive difference in her life!
hugs,
janet

Hi All,</DIV>
I thought I'd add to this older post again because of what happened today.

As usual, I saw little Haley today. I'd bought her and little Kendra a few toys and asked to give them to them after the meeting. Aaron and Molly said that the girls couldn't come out to the parking lot to get their toys because Haley needed to go to the bathroom. That if I could wait a bit, it would be okay then. So I decided to go on out and get the stuff for them as I needed to hurry. Well, as I was heading back to the entrance, Aaron and Molly were leaving, having already exited the building. Molly saw me and apologized, but said they needed to hurry as Haley had urinated on herself and was very wet...remember, this child is 6 years old. I said that I understood and so followed her so as to give the girls their presents (Kendra was especially excited about getting a toy). As we rouond the corner, Aaron is kneeling down, talking to Haley about wetting herself. She stood mutely, looking down at the ground....I felt really bad and uncomfortable. I apologized for being there at an unopprtune time. Aaron said it was okay. He made sure that Kendra said "thank you" and I quickly bent down and asked Haley to tell me "thank you" in my ear. I was so relieved when she did so! I assured Aaron that she had said "thanks" as well. I didn't want her to get into more trouble because of me!!! [img]/community/emoticons/shakehead.gif[/img] Anyhow, Aaron's sister Olivia came over there and gave the two girls a hug (she loves kids and works with Haley's mother Molly at a doctor's office). As we walked away, I told Olivia that I didn't want to give aaron or Molly the idea that I was trying to get into their business, but I really don't know what's up with Haley. Olivia said that Haley does have "problems" and is seeing a psychologist. She said that Haley will wet herself often and does so even when standing by a toilet and that Aaron thinks that Haley does it sometimes as a way to show rebellion against him (he and Molly have been married less than a year). She said also that she and Molly try to tell him that she probably just can't help it. I told her that men often are less understanding about such things and she totally agreed. I said I was glad she was keeping an eye on Haley's interests. So I left feeling blue over this little girl. I don't think that Aaron is trying to be mean to her, but just is so clueless about mental stuff. I have to be ultra careful in what I say and how I act around him. He's a young man, probably under 30. And I would never accuse him or anyone of abuse or such without having seen it or see strong indications. I just am glad she's seeing someone to hopefully help her. I wish Aaron wouldn't be so judgmental. But my hands are completely tied.

jl

Thanks so much Kitt.
My mom and her sister were abused by my grandma, both physically and emotionally. And my grandma was very very mean. I'm not talking about someone who just spanked a little too hard either. My grandma would bite them, pinch them, beat them with broom handles, electric iron cords, big thick switches...she once even beat my mom and uncle with three peach tree switches braided together and whipped them all over. They were bleeding all over their little bodies. Mom was about 4 and my uncle was 3. My aunt was locked in a cold dark closet, naked, because she'd urinated on herself one night. My mom was sexually abused by an uncle and my aunt by one of her brothers! Sick!!! So I am very upset that people can be so mean to others, especially little ones. My aunt believes Haley is abused. My mom is just wary. My aunt is more paranoid than mom, but mom tries to be more careful in her judgments. Mom and I are both aware that mental and/or emotional abuse can be as bad as physical in some ways. I worry that Aaron may be emotionally abusing Haley w/o even knowing he's doing so. I've never seen him raise a hand to her (not that this means anything in itself), but I sometimes feel like he's wary of me trying to get close to Haley...maybe I'm being paranoid! I don't know!!! Sigh....
I'll keep you tuned in!
Love you lots!
jl