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SEVERE anxiety!!!

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 10/1/2010 2:51 PM (GMT 0)
Since being diagnosed with a heart condition that came close to taking my life on 2 occasions now, I have developed severe anxiety.  To some anxiety may not sound all that bad, but it can be very crippling to a person's way of life.  The closest I can get to being at ease is when I am at home.  I used to love going out and doing things, but now anytime I go outside of my home it is a chore.  I worry about having a panic attack which could lead to me going into V-Tach (ventricular tachycardia) again.  I am on meds for my heart, anxiety, and a severe form of arthritis.  Sometimes it just gets to be more than I can handle.  I was diagnosed with the arthritis at the young age of 25 and the heart condition at 31.  I am now 42 and feel like my life has just turned into existing.  It is a very empty feeling and I would not wish this on anyone.
Posted 10/1/2010 3:06 PM (GMT 0)
G88 - Wow, you have alot going on, my heart really goes out to you.

That would be scary, as I imagine when an attack comes on, you are probably trying to work out if it is an attack, or the heart again.

With leaving the house, can you do this during a 'well' period, and go not far from home, so if anything happens, you can come home quickly? And if you manage it ok, you can try a little further the next time, and keep building on it.

Being out and about, is one of those things that does make a difference to the way you feel about life, so I encourage you to try and brake through that one.

I can understand that feeling of it being more than you can handle sometimes. I hope those moments are fleeting thoughts.

I also understand the feeling of just existing. I doubt you really are, if you look closer, you will find that you probably contribute in ways but you forget to acknowledge them.

Stick around here for awhile, and we can share the journey with you, and you with us.

And lastly, I am sorry G88, I wish you didn't have to go through this, this isn't fair, you don't deserve this lot.
Posted 10/1/2010 5:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi G88, I am so glad that you have posted here. You will find so much support, and there are others here with health issues at the root of their anxiety that I'm sure you can relate to. I am sorry to hear that you are suffering. I can certainly see where taching and pa's in combination would be frightening. Have you talked to your gen.practioner and/or cardiologist re: your anxiety? Perhaps there is something more that they can suggest to ease your symptoms. (therapy, biofeedback) I hope that you are planning on sticking around here, and also check in w/ the cardio forum as well if you haven't already. We have great people all around here, ready to support and be there for each other.
Wishing you well,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 10/1/2010 11:26 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you, awty and Scaredy for your replies.  Getting out would not be so bad if I had a wheelchair van.  Then my trips out could be done more easily and with less stress.  But it is ridiculous how much they cost.  As long as this implant (defibrillator / pacemaker) is inside me... which will be for the rest of my life, I believe I will always have these fears.  The defibrillator has shocked my heart more times than I care to count since I got it and each time I feel it, the panic and fear escalates.

Do you have issues with anxiety?  If so, what brought them on?  How are you dealing with it?  It takes 2 prescriptions just to get me through each day.

Posted 10/2/2010 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
G88. Try not to let your anxiety consume you. I'm young, only 26, and I've dealt with bouts of very intense anxiety since I was 18. It comes and goes. I'm fine for a few years and then something sets me off- be it trivial or significant. I look around this world of ours and all I see is how stressful it is. The expectations to be the best and to be a certain ways that people may or may not be-not all of us can deal. I take two prescriptions, lexapro and klonopin. The fact that I have to take these things to regulate myself is also a source of anxiety. I ask myself, is this really what my entire will be? I couldn't even go to work today because I had to try and collect myself. I wish desperately to be free of what this is, as it can consume every waking hour.
My best advice to you is to keep moving forward and try to embrace it. You are not alone. Although we all have our own reasons for feeling and being what we are, your feelings of anxiety are shared by so many others. I'm going through an episode as we speak, I feel for you and wish you the very best.
Posted 10/2/2010 2:39 AM (GMT 0)
MJB, I appreciate your reply.  I hope that you will feel better tomorrow.
Posted 10/2/2010 5:24 AM (GMT 0)
G88 and mjb2010:

I'm also a sufferer of anxiety--I always think I'm dying of something, and it's absolutely maddening. Now, as far as I've been told I'm actually in decent health. I started to think that as long as I convinced myself that this was true, then I'd get over my anxiety. I held onto that for quite a while, and then I thought to myself: "what happens when I age, or if I actually do develop a disorder that is life-threatening. I don't want to live like this! It might just be worse than the hypothetical disease itself!".

This was about a week ago. This brought on what, I believe, may have been a life-changing epiphany that seems clear as day in retrospect and is definitely much easier said that done in practice. I came to the conclusion that I just can't worry about the future. Even if I am sick, if I will die, I have to just enjoy the "now" and be thankful for every single moment I have on this planet with the people I love. Death is horribly scary, but life is beautiful. What we cling to is our decision (although our biology may fight us a bit, haha). I figured I should grab on to the now and simply accept my mortality and the eventuality of death. I've desperately tried with all of my mental might to hold to this philosophy for the past week after having the worst bout of anxiety I've ever had (it was very intense 24/7, non-stop to the point where I finally cracked and broke down crying, felt horribly depressed, and other sad/embarrassing thoughts.) All I can say about how it's worked out for me is, I've had a few minor bumps in the road, but so far so good. Being miserable 24/7, making the people who love me endlessly saddened and frustrated, etc. is just no way to life our one and only life.

I don't know what it would be like to have actually been diagnosed with a life threatening condition, or to have been at deaths doorstep, so I won't pretend I can relate. However, I just don't see any other way to deal with it. I know it's much easier said that done, but if you haven't done so already, maybe give it a shot? Love every moment you have with the people you hold dearest, accept that one day will be your last, and realize it's a waste not to enjoy every last moment between now and our eventual passing.

Again, easier said that done, but most of us have lived anxiety-free lives before and because the brain can change (neuroplasticity) we can live anxiety-free lives again--I'm confident of that :-)
Posted 10/2/2010 1:47 PM (GMT 0)
Looking death square in the face was definitely life changing... some for the good, and some for the bad.  I learned real quick not to take anything or anyone for granted.  We are not promised a tomorrow, so we should live for today and not worry about it.... but like you said, easier said than done.  When you are laying on a hospital bed with an internal defibrillator shocking your heart over and over again, the grip of fear can be very strong.  The last bad episode I had was a few years ago and my heart was shocked 16 times over the course of 10 hours.  Now considering each one feels like a kick to the chest from a horse, it is not something you want to experience at all.

This week has been a good one for me though, I must say.  I am determined to do what I have to do to take back my life.  I have always used the saying, I may have _____, but _____ does not have me.  Well, it is time to start living that way.... no more excuses, no more depressing thoughts... meet each day with the attitude that life is worth living even if you have to live it a little differently than others. 

There is a silver lining to every dark cloud.  We should consider ourselves blessed that we are able to appreciate things more because of our difficulties, where most take everything for granted.

Hope this makes a little sense!!!

Posted 10/2/2010 3:49 PM (GMT 0)
G88,

Glad to see you here in the A &P Forum.  The folks here are awesome and so supportive.  I think it is good to be able to write down your fears and anxiety and talk with others who go through the very same things as you do. 

Thanks for letting me know your on Amiodarone -  great medication so you are well protected for your heart condition. 

Considering your dx I feel you have a right to feel some anxiety but as you said you have anxiety, anxiety does not have you.

A few hints to help you when your anxiety starts to climb.

Spending to much time worrying about your heart condition , and thinking about what might happen someday will cause you to have much more health anxiety than you should have. One of the best ways to make sure that you don't have anxiety is to stop worrying about all of the little symptoms that might or might not add up to anything.

Remember staying in the moment and not worrying about yesterday or tomorrow is a good way to avoid anxiety. 

What sometimes works for me - when I feel my anxiety climbing - I just get mad and kick it to the curb.  I want to feel good and be happy.

I wish you the very best.

Kindly,

Kitt

 

Posted 10/2/2010 10:28 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the advice, Kitt.  I am glad I came across this site.  It is nice to have people to talk to that actually know what you are going through.

 

Posted 10/3/2010 9:29 AM (GMT 0)
G88 - you have fantastic insight and attitude. I think you have learn't many lessons when you faced death, and it's great to see you recognise them.

I am so pleased you are here, (on earth and on this forum). As we share with you, you have much you can teach us too.

Take very good care
Posted 10/3/2010 12:20 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks again, awty.  It really is nice to have people to talk to that know what anxiety really feels like and what it does to you.  People that have never felt it in its severity have no clue what we deal with.  All of you are definitely helping me and I sure do hope I can help you and others too.

Hope you have a good day.

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