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How do I move forward past irrational issues?

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Posted 10/11/2010 5:49 AM (GMT 0)
Hello, im back with my re posting, it accidently got deleted but thats ok. ok basically and breifly, heres what my mind is doing this time.. so ive been through alot of stuf, really stupid issues as a result of things i misunderstood in the past etc.. anyway ive gotten myself back on track alot.. i dont know if ill make sense explaining this as it seems a tricky thing, but ill try my best.. i was thinking of something from my silly issues before that i have not yet experianced to get over it? but anyway i dont care about it because ive got some common sense thankfully.. but anyway i was just wondering about it one day and now as the time is comming nearer to go into this i dont care about the issue but am worried what my mind will do.. i had a really bad experiance before with some panic attacks that i couldnt really explain, and im lucky that i was by myself that time to deal with it.. but im just worried what tricks my mind might play and how to not appear like a complete weirdo.. anyway then i started thinking of ways to react to every single reaction i could have which is doing my head in and i think now.. im realising what to do but now ive done so much obsessing that its really turned this thing into much bigger than it couldve been through my ways of trying to give myself less anxiety for the future i shouldnt have borrowed anxiety in from the future. anyway.. ive made it into a thing and i dunno.. as ive said before im just so over stupid issues ruining my life, a real issue fine but stupid ones ive just had enough.. to top it off, i thought i was ready to date, so i went on one i guess it was my way of showing myself i could do it, and now i met the guy i didnt expect to like him which sucks because now its so difficult to run away as i usually do... but now i think im not ready because of issues, and he likes me and hes everything ive wanted and i just feel like such an idiot.. i dont know what to do.. im no good at pretending things are ok and hiding things, im terrible at it but at the same time i cant open up about silly things to ppl this is just so annoying.. i dont want to have panic attacks infront of this guy i just dont want to deal with this. how do i move foward past my issues.. with faith? courage? telling myself it was past and today is a new day? to feel the fear and do things anyway? maybe.. and maybe thats all i can do but geez its not fun, and meeting this guy is not helping.. what should i tell him, how do i run away? i just want to sort myself out first before going into this, if i didnt have my issues i could see myself with this person, he likes me alot but he has no idea what i go through lol i should save himself the trouble for someone better. but how do i tell him.. he keeps calling and i just ignore the phone, arrrghh.
Posted 10/11/2010 2:23 PM (GMT 0)
Oldsoul, this guy that you met saw something in you that he likes. In YOU, not your anxiety-he didn't even see that! I think you would be doing him, and you a favor by telling him your concerns and letting him decide what the next step is. You stated that you don't like to pretend everything is all right, so you shouldn't. I think that A/P kind of thrives in the dark. I hid it from my family and it only grew. That's not to say that you should blurt it out to everyone, but trusting people who have earned it and can help and/or understand.
Having A/P is not a life sentence to solitary confinement. It is like any other illness that people have to deal with. My husband recently found he has type I diabetes If I had known this before we were married would I still have married him? YES! I'm willing to bet that this young man will be alright with what you have to say to him...pick up the phone;)
Take care,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 10/11/2010 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
oldsoul,
I am so glad you reposted smile I will freely admit that I was the world's greatest actress as I hid my anxiety and depression from my peers at work for years. I was ashamed that I had problems and thought for sure they would turn away from me. When it all came crashing down around me 5 years ago I went to my staff and told them that I had depression and anxiety - they laughed and thought I was pulling their leg blush . Once they realized I was serious as I was resigning my position they were very kind but never asked about my depression or anxiety. Perhaps if I would have shared with them sooner they would have understood better what I was going through. I hid my secret for 26 years

I bog down in the stinkin thinkin and I know now this has always been a problem for me as I let the thoughts run away with my mind. I think this is probably an issue for you too.

Stinkin' Thinkin', otherwise known as thinking negative thoughts, is a common but unhelpful pastime. Imagine all the extra energy and creativity we could muster if we weren't bogged down by thoughts of doom and gloom.

Mind reading is a favortie for those of us that dwell on the "what ifs?". Mind reading involves assuming that people are reacting or will react in a negative way about you without any evidence to back it up.

Believe in yourself, oldsoul, and take a chance on this man. Be true to yourself and know you don't have to hide your dx. I don't hide anymore ! Life is to short to pretend your happy all the time when inside your hurting . Try not to over think an issue, let it go and know you will be OK with faith.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt
Posted 10/11/2010 11:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi oldsoul. First off, congratulations on taking a chance on dating again. You put yourself out there and took a chance on something. Give yourself credit for that!

As far as where to go from here... it sounds cliche but if he likes you for who you are, he won't care about the panic and anxiety. If on the other hand he can't handle it, then he's not the right guy for you.

The people who truly and sincerely care about us love for who we are, knowing full well that we're not perfect. I would suggest that you share with him that you have anxiety. You don't have to go into all the details - just tell him a little bit about how it affects you on a daily basis. For instance, that he might call and if you're having a bad day you might not pick up or that if he wants to go out one day and you cancel at the last minute that he shouldn't immediately take it personally. It may be anxiety. And anxiety is not a "silly thing". It's a legitimate ailment that all of us on here can attest to.

I made a new friend over the summer. I didn't say anything right away about my panic attacks or anxiety. But I was afraid that if we hung out and I started to get an attack that I'd look like a freak and she'd run away. So I decided to say something. We were having tea when I said in a serious, yet sincere tone, "There's something I want to tell you. I want to tell you because I want you to understand what's happening if I start acting weird. [I got a weird look at this point, but I kept going] I have anxiety and I often get panic attacks. I have no control over when or where they'll hit me. When they do come up, I usually..... as a way of getting through them." I explained a little bit about how long I've had them, what it feels like, etc. She had a chance to walk away, but didn't. In fact she's been very supportive. As a result I know that she's a true friend and I felt instantly closer to her. I hope that you can have a similar experience.
Posted 10/12/2010 12:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, and thanks for ur responses, i just dont like the way im feeling right now about trusting in someone and getting closer, i cant think straight, its uncomfortable maybe i just dont have what it takes to get through this at this time, im thinking of writing an email to him and saying maybe its not the right time, i have a few things going on in my life at the moment i thought i was ready but maybe im not etc i have no idea what he will say, id like to just suck this all up and get to the other side but i need alot of encouragement which i dont get in my life so i think ill have to back out for now.. maybe i just need to go out and make new friends is what i need at the moment. oh well i tried at least maybe not enough but at least i went on a date, which i havent done for four years, perhaps baby steps is what i need. he even met my family on the first date and everyone likes him.. i shouldnt have allowed that to happen. arrghh.. im just too scared to deal with this. oh well ill keep u guys posted on what will happen, ill probably send him the email today, sorry to dissapoint im just to chicken right now :(
Posted 10/12/2010 4:06 AM (GMT 0)
You are in no way disappointing anybody-we are just here to support you. Do what feels right to you and know that you are in our thoughts.
S.C.
Posted 10/12/2010 6:55 PM (GMT 0)
I agree - you have to do what you feel is best. But do give yourself credit for putting yourself out there and taking a chance. Who knows even if you don't date him, maybe he can become a new friend. And there's no telling what the future might hold. Besides... true love waits.
Posted 10/14/2010 12:56 AM (GMT 0)
hello.. well the updates, i did send him the email saying perhaps he could do better than me and find someone perhaps less complicated etc.. he responded with things like.. why do u think u are not good enough for me, you are.. please dont give up, ive been waiting to find a girl like u for ages, u are a great person.

isnt that sweet? i thought that was sooo sweet of him, maybe he can handle me after all i dont know, well anyway we chatted last night i havent told him everything but just that u know he has to be patient with me, poor guy hes so confused he thinks i dont like him. i have no idea whats gonna happen... time will only tell. i just wish i had my best friend here, she was my guidance, my rock, i confided in her and trusted her and now she is gone so i feel abit lost.. since meeting her my issues melted away i was getting back on track, i dont have anyone else to talk to, im nearly there, where i want to be, but ive been through so much nonsense and the road to recovery has been bumpy and this just sucks honeslty.. i want to keep moving foward but its hard without anyone there for encouragement or to let things out. i have to keep finding the way forward because i want it so much, maybe i should talk to my ex, he seems to be my only friend these days. i wouldnt go back to him though. oh well.. im just babbling on..
Posted 10/14/2010 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
That IS nice what he said and you're right he might be confused. But one thing you DO know is that he likes you and accepts you. Still, only YOU can decide what you're comfortable sharing or not sharing with him (and when).
Posted 10/14/2010 5:13 PM (GMT 0)
Sounds like a keeper, if you're ready;)
S.C.
Posted 10/14/2010 11:29 PM (GMT 0)
oldsoul84
He likes you and why am I not surprised ? I think you are pretty darn likable. I wish you lived here near me and we could be friends and then you could share your thoughts with me over a cup of coffee or a Diet Coke. smile

My advice, give this guy a chance if you up to taking a chance as that is the only way you will know how things will turn out. Do what feels good for you. I am sending you lots of good vibes.

Remember we are here to support you with whatever choice you make.

Kindly,

Kitt
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