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Posted 11/19/2010 6:28 PM (GMT 0)
Would love a lot of comments.....

 My name is Mike. I was 24 years old. Living in Chicago. Drinking, partying, and living the wreckless lifestyle. They were great times. All of a sudden, I started getting nervous on the bus. Nervous at home. Only alcohol had helped me. Well, I was going to a Chicago Blackhawks game and became very nervous before I even left the house. My girlfriend gave me a pill and said she takes it for anxiety. I foolishly took the pill. It was 10mg of lexapro. I completely freaked out!!! Went runnning from the front to the back of the house trying to throw up until I passed out. I thought I had a heart attack and the slow image of my hand and my girlfriends face was the last thing I was going to see on this earth. The ambulance had come. Laughing telling me to stop "overreacting" and that it was just a panic attack. I spent 2 weeks on a couch. Afraid to move even an inch. Couldnt use the bathroom. Couldnt eat. I was at 150lbs. I went back home eventually to the suburbs to my moms house.

After seeing a doctor, I was prescribed xanax. I was deathly afraid to take the pill, but had helped me until February. I then saw a therapist who prescribed a bunch of different anti-depressant medications. After realizing that she didnt care that I was there and barely talked to me, I went to see a CBT. She is great and wonderful. I'm mildy agoraphobic. Still cant go 30 min away from the house, but I'm able to go outside and am trying to seek help. Its been a year, when does this all go away? Should I go back on medications? Just want to feel normal again. I have so many plans for my life and everyday I wonder if I'll have a panic attack again or my girlfriend will leave me or I'll go crazy. Everyday seems like a constant battle. Nonstop thinking of death. Fear. No direction.

The only good thing that came out of my anxiety is my g/f and I have stopped doing drugs and I am now 1 year sober since I'm afraid of alcohol.  Is it normal to have anxiety everyday? I have xanax I could take, but I'm afraid I wont be in control and I cant remember how I felt when I first took it 10 months ago.

I'm Mike. I'm now 25. I weigh 125lbs. I dont drink and I want to go out into the world and enjoy life again. Without fearing fear.

Posted 11/19/2010 6:54 PM (GMT 0)
A very warm welcome to you Midnight.

I can't really answer your whole post at the moment, BUT, I wanted to say, I am really really proud of you for facing this sober. Both you and your girlfriend have done really well, a year is wicked, and I celebrate this with you.

Long term, I am unsure how long this will take for you, with the assitance you are getting combined, BUT, I do this, you are speeding up the process by doing it clean.

Well done Midnight
Posted 11/19/2010 7:14 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mike, and welcome. I have to ditto Awty's response by saying GOOD JOB on getting and staying sober. Being dependent/using only makes the anxiety and panic worse in the long run, so you were wise to stop!
If I understand you correctly, you had an adverse reaction to an anti-anxiety medication, and now you are worried about taking any more? It is understandable, but know that with a Dr's help, you could find the right prescription for you, to help you get a handle on this anxiety.
That said, if you really want to go med-free, it is possible. I have had a great recovery without medication. It took a long time, and I had to work really hard through two CBT courses to get there, but it can be done.
Everyone is different in what works for them, and how long recovery will take. You will have to go through some trial and error to find YOUR 'cure'.
Getting educated about A/P by reading a ton of books, helped me tremendously. I checked out just about every book at my library, and even puchased a few. CBT workbooks are worth the investment! (Barnes & Noble, or Amazon)
I hope that you will continue to work on your therapy. It does take time, try to be patient. I hope that you will also stick with us here. It is a great place for information, support and talking to people who can relate to you!
Wishing you well,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 11/19/2010 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mike,

Welcome to HealingWell.  I am glad you found us.  Congratulations on being sober for over a year now. 

If I understand you correctly,  you were drinking and using drugs, then your gf gave you a Lexapro 10 mg just the one time.  Alcohol and drugs can be a lethal combination.  Wondering if your girlfriend is on Lexapro per her Dr. on a regular basis ? Please don't take anyone else's medication again.  I know you proably don't need me to tell you that but I just wanted to bring it up.  :)

CBT is great to help you learn how to deal with your Anxiety.  I suspect your Dr. prescribed Xanax to help you deal with withdrawal from alcohol and it also is used for anxiety.  How about AA, did you ever go to meetings ?

You have lots of fears and anxiety that still need to be dealt with.  Is this something you can talk through with your therapist now or rework some of the CBT program that helps you deal with your thoughts and feelings ?

I have used the online program and I find myself going back to exercise when I start falling into old thought patterns.

As far as anxiety remember it is a disorder, not who you are.  I believe you are strong and will learn how to work through your issues.  Give yourself plenty of time and do not beat yourself up for having a mental health issue. 

Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself.

I hope you stick with us as we are here to help and support you.

Kindly,

Kitt

 

Posted 11/19/2010 8:41 PM (GMT 0)
I actually became afraid of drinking alcohol because of my anxiety. I had a beer right before I had my panic attack so since then, as much as I want one, I am too afraid to drink it. It was a little tough at first. I was drinking everyday. My friend and I had a day in the week where we went to the bar for cheap beer night. Didnt know I had a problem until I broke my hand one night. Too many bad things had happen in 1 year and I know that is what cost me my high anxiety levels. Thank you all for helping me through this. Always feel so alone because you dont hear about it until it happens to you. Anybody else take xanax? How does it make you feel? I am prescribed .25, but thinking of taking half of one of those. Just dont want a panic attack from it.
Posted 11/19/2010 8:45 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mike,

I agree with the others before me. Using and then adding someone else's medication is not a wise decision. Your girlfriend was prescribed that particular drug and dosage for a reason. You may be better off on something else - and now being clean I'd imagine even if you took the same Lexapro (not that I'm suggesting that) you might have a better response to it. Congratulations on being clean and sober for a year - that's a significant accomplishment!

Just like becoming sober/clean, overcoming anxiety/panic/agoraphobia will take time and so you need to be patient with yourself. Take small steps. If you can't go 30 minutes from home - then first give yourself credit for being able to go that far. That's a lot further than some other people can comfortably travel.

Slowly and gradually as you feel comfortable you can challenge yourself by going to different places in a 30-minute radius, staying out slightly longer than last time, or traveling 32 minutes from home, then 34 minutes, etc. Don't worry if you backslide and don't push yourself before you're ready. Take it slow and stick with the therapist.

I can't tell you whether to go back on the Xanax or not. That's a decision you'll have to make for yourself. What I can tell you is that it won't change who you are and it won't cause you to lose control. Something like Xanax might knock you out at first and make you want to sleep - but it's not going to make you run around the block in your underwear screaming profanities...
Posted 11/19/2010 9:08 PM (GMT 0)
Before my anxiety, that would have been fun to run around the block in my underwear screaming profanities.
Posted 11/19/2010 10:43 PM (GMT 0)
Ahh, see you've still got your sense of humor! That actually is a great sign and will serve you well. Keep working on the aforementioned things from all the peeps, you are going to do really well-I know it;)
Scaredy Cat
Posted 11/20/2010 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
welcome :) this is a great and helpful place.

I've had anxiety and depression ever since i can remember and attacks since i was about 12. Congrats on being sober. Everything happens for a reason, i believe, and even though your panic is terrible, at lease your sobriety came out of it. I have similar experiences, i lost 70 pounds in 10 months, went totally sober, and now i use all my effort for my recovery. I am taking meds, seeing a therapist, and working really hard and slowly it is definitely paying off. Stay strong and post whenever you need support :) we're all here to help and be helped.

good luck!
Posted 11/20/2010 12:06 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mike,
Your story is very similar to mine, I was extremely active, a performing musician and very spur of the moment until my first panic attack which is what you experienced. I would like to impart some proven advice that will help you. First stay away from alcohol for awhile, it was the trigger to your panic attacks and it will take time for that to go away. Read all that you can on panic attacks as it will explain your symptoms and will make them less fearful. The most important advice I can give you is that this will take time and you need to accept that your life is going to be different, and everyday will be a battle for awhile, and if you accept this it is going to be a lot easier. The CBT therapy is the best thing you can do and it works.
I have been med free for 3 years and no longer does anxiety rule my life but it takes time.
Posted 11/20/2010 5:43 PM (GMT 0)
I do have 1 last good question. Eating. Lately, I haven't been able to eat anything. Last 2 days, I have had less than a full meal and today I feel really weak. Very weak. I know I should eat something, but dont think I could keep it down. I'm gonna go try, but has anyone had a lot of problems with that as well?
Posted 11/20/2010 6:54 PM (GMT 0)
I understand you fear of Xanax as I have had a similar fear of another drug like it. Discussion with you doctor is always important yet it will only be you who decides to take the medication. I recently gave in to my doctors avice on taking a pill that can be habit forming. Habit forming is a small price to pay for peace of mind.

Alcohol is not a medicine, this form a person who been an alcoholic at least five times in my life. This time will be the last time.
Posted 11/20/2010 11:35 PM (GMT 0)
hi mike, this is like reading my story. im scared of taking medication-i have to continuosly read the leaflet inside before taking the pill then spend the next hour worrying about the side effects-i cant drink anymore because im to scared to,im constantly fearing death-i have called an ambulance 3 times as i was convinced i was about to die. i really know how you feel-i wouldnt wish it on my worst enemy. in regards to your eating problem ive had the same thing-loss of appetite is a symptom of anxiety. you must try though,its hard i know but it wont do you any good not eating! try and drink plenty of water to,dehydration is not good for our mental fitness. i have learnt a really nice technique that has really helped me when im feeling anxious or having silly thoughts. sit in a comfortable position-close your eyes and count backwards from ten,slowly-breathing slowly in through the nose and out the mouth-visulise the number and only the number,clear everything else from your mind. this is a really hard technique and takes practice as your brain seems like its chattering away and thoughts keep poping into your head but once you master it it really helps. i wish you all the luck in the world xx
Posted 11/21/2010 2:52 AM (GMT 0)
I was fearing death every day of my life. I would lay in bed and cry and cry. I thought something was wrong with my heart and went to see heart doctors and they told me i was fine. One finally put me on Lexapro because he said my heart palpitations were anxiety related. I no longer have them and am feeling well. The medication does help. It takes some time to get into your system correctly but im on a low dose and for the first time in months i feel like myself again.
Posted 11/21/2010 10:28 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Mike,

Im still trying to get a handle on whats going on with me but I do have the fear of eating.  My dose of anxiety pill was doubled yesterday and for the first time I had the munchies ( Thats a huge leap for me) I have lost qiute of bit of weight and cant really afford to lose more so I took the risk and had a salad with black bread ( I was in my own little heaven) I just found out I have anemia so if I need to be dosed up ( I also have a fear of taking meds)to start getting healthy Im doing it. I can totally understand your fears just like so many here dealing with anxiety/panic attacks for whateveer reasons this forum has been a great source of information and comfort. Hope you feel better today:) 

Posted 11/21/2010 2:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mike,

YES YES YES to the food issue,

Be firm with yourself about it, if you eat half a meal, you have to have a milk drink as well. And do to for each meal. The more food you can get into you, the stronger you will be to fight what is going on inside.

You need all this energy, it is really important to get the food in, how else will you do the run round the block, lol

Good luck, be firm with the food issue, but gentle and patient with the other issues, you are a real fighter.
Posted 12/15/2010 3:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hey mike I'm 33 and was a partier my self. I only drank on the weekends because I don'y like doing it during work nights. Long and short of it I had a panic attack, mine was at the gym, and I was/am a smoker. I am trying to quit smoking and everytime I have one I guit trip myself so bad I start to have panic symptoms. I'm sill very new, only been going through this for six weeks but I can relate to your story.
Posted 12/15/2010 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mike

Good to meet you and glad you have found this forum the members here have helped me so much. I could relate to parts of your post, I used to self medicate with alcohol and street drugs to combat my anxiety. In my mind for years this was the only way that I felt normal and anxiety free but I now know that all I was doing was avoiding things and making things worse for myself to sort out. I stopped taking street drugs when I was 27 I am 35 now and drink alcohol very occasionally and if I do only a small amount. A big well done to you for stopping drinking that it is a good stepping stone to getting your anxiety under control, Alcohol is a depressant so all you are doing when you drink alcohol is giving your anxiety more control I used to get very paranoid after drinking. Glad you have done CBT that is a grate way of learning techniques to help you get your anxiety under control so it does not affect your life as much. With regards to the Xanax I would say take it as your Doctor has prescribed he has prescribed this medication to help you and the medication along with the CBT could be what you need for the road to combating your anxiety. Keep in regular contact with your doctor and be honest with them about how you are feeling, Do you have a psychiatrist? I go and see mine on a regular basis and find that to be very beneficial just a suggestion. I wish you all the best and hope things get better for you soon, We are all here to support you and give advise were we can so keep posting.

Take care

Ben
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