I just need to vent...I guess

Hello A/P family...Ive been having a rough time...again...so I thought I would come and talk to my support group. I really thought I was able to handle things but I guess I was wrong. I really thought that I had MY anxiety figured out and that I was past those "random" PAs. I woke up in the middle of the night last weekend with my heart racing, and it scared the crap out of me. I havent had this happen in 5 years. I almost thought I was going to have to take a trip to the ER. I couldnt calm down and I had to wake my fiancee up to help me. After about an hour and a half I was able to calm down and go back to sleep. The next morning I was still a little "shaky" because I was so worried about the night before. Later on we went to my cousins for dinner I was sitting down with my daughter about to eat then out of nowhere I got that "pre PA" feeling again. I didnt want to embarrass myself in front of my family even though my cousin suffers from anxiety also (she can function a lot better with it though) and the rest of my family knows my issues. So I sat my daughter down and ran down to the basement with my fiancee and told him what was going on and I stared feeling a little better but not completely. I was able to get through the next hour and then we went home and I was fine.
Now Fast forward to this weekend and I think I caught myself a cold I got up this morning to do some cleaning for the holidays then took a nap. After i got up from my nap I just felt worse I felt hot and light headed and started getting panicky. I think its the health anxiety telling me I might have a flu bug and Im worrying. I had a "mild' panic attack and now Im sorta down in the dumps. I always get depressed after a panic attack because they make me feel like I have lost the fight. Not to mention I cant see my therapist anymore. And to make matters worse last weekend has made me more aware of my heart rate and I always worry that its more than my anxiety causing it to beat so fast. I just dont know what to do. At least I feel a little better after coming here I dont know what I would do sometimes without this site and everyone here.

Hi Nellebutter. Its nice to meet you. I have the same thing happen to me all the time too. Ive had anxiety/panic for about 20 years on and off. Depends on whats going on it my life a lot of times as to how often I get it, or how badly. Its hard when you go for awhile without having one and then out of nowhere it happens, especially when it happens at night and wakes you out of a sound sleep. I mentioned that this happens to me often to my therapist and also my husband. They both seem to think I have dreams that i dont necessairly remember when I wake up and those dreams bring back bad memories into my subconscious.

I went through a really bad divorce and even though it happened back in 1999, and i dont think about it much anymore, but still sometimes I have dreams about it, for whatever reason, and I wake up in the middle of the night and my pulse is racing and im short of breath and i have no idea why.. then later on in the day ill remember something about the dream and it'll bring it back and then the lightbulb goes off.

our subconscious can set off panic. Thets why sometimes panic seems to come from put of nowhere.

Im glad you have your fiancee for support. thats a wonderful thing. My new husband is tremendously supportive too. it really does help. And im glad that your family knows that you have it too. the more support the better..

Health anxiety stinks too. I know I currently have a cold, and every little thing sets me off. I just have to keep reminding myself that people get sick. headaches and muscle aches are common in colds. and the one other thing im learning is that you have to go easy on yourself. Anxiety, even if it goes away for awhile can pop back up when you least expect it. But its not your fault, and chances are everythings going to be ok. Take care...

nell,

Holiday perfectionism is one of the main causes of holiday stress.  Just remember to be yourself as you are quite wonderful just the way you are.   You have anxiety, anxiety does not have you. 

Don't overburden yourself with holiday preparations.  I have found that God created bakeries and delis to help me out with the cooking. 

Enjoy being with your daughter as your are making memories together.

Hugs,

Kitt

Hey NB so sorry to hear that you have been suffering the P/A's again. Try not to get discouraged, setbacks happen. Healing is not a linear process, but a journey that may take us on some twists and turns in the road. It doesn't mean that you have lost any ground. It doesn't mean that you are back where you started. It simply means that A/P is a chronic condition, that sometimes rears it's ulgy head when we least expect it. You have the tools to deal with it by now though, and it sounds as if you are doing well. It will soon go running back from where it came. Keep up your relaxation, breathing, meditation/prayer, and positive mantras. Keep on posting too, we are here for you!
Take care,
Scaredy Cat