Posted 12/8/2010 12:08 PM (GMT 0)
I've been dealing with anxiety for over a decade now, and it always seems to change things up on me just as I'm adjusting. This time though the attacks are far less vague to describe and are getting more frequent. For me, anxiety has two forms, mental and physical. Mental is the feeling of dread I know all too well, and it's been the part I've dealt with most of my life. But it's changed much more to physical lately. Out of no where one day my left eye twitched a few times, then my head started to tingle, and then I got very nauseous and disoriented. The next day, at around the same time, it happened again, but was much more prolonged this time, and had me pacing around the house for hours before I could calm down. After that I had a terrible episode of illness, 3 days of nausea and vomiting, followed by 2 days of OTC drug resistant fever and a very phlegmy cough. I couldn't find any information on stomach viruses following that pattern, but maybe it's just my hypochondria. Now it is day 2 of my recuperation from the illness, and the attacks never happened during the illness. But tonight it happened again, stronger than ever. My left eye twitched and my brain felt so weird I was sure I was having a stroke. Afterwards came strong nausea and gagging, and then came a level of nervous tension that I have been unable to find anywhere on the web. My entire body of muscles were tight, and every movement felt like I was fighting against my body. My back was trying it's darndest to bend forwards, as was my neck, and my hands and arms were clasped together like a praying mantis in front of my face. Don't misunderstand, I didn't lose control of my limbs, they didn't go numb, it was nervous tension to paralyzing degree. With enough focus I got small moments of muscles relaxing, then going right back to rigidity. And I was shivering so incredibly violently that my hands in front of my face were in fact hammering into my face like a jackhammer. While it is chilly, it's not even enough to warrant a mild shiver. On top of all of this I got a look at my hands and face that were freakishly pale, as my hands reminded me strongly of a corpse's. It's the tension that got to me, the struggle to control my own limbs was very debilitating, but after an enforced warming via heated blanket I was able to bring it down to a regular shiver and my usual shaking legs.
I am a hypochondriac, but I am very aware of it so I try really hard not to jump to the worst conclusions. All sorts of brain disease jumped to mind, but as I looked through them all, one underlying symptom that joined them together was one I didn't have: a headache. Which has just been fantastic for my composure, if I had a headache I would be ponying up all my savings for an MRI right now. But I'd rather not go to that for something that would probably not show anything anyway, despite how sure I am that something is physically wrong with my brain right now. I once had a car that kept going dead and losing torque, but of all the mechanics I took it too, none could fix the problem, and that's how I've felt about my brain. I've never gotten an answer that just "makes sense" or even comes close to solving the problem. But then again anxiety is very vague to describe and I'm not the best speaker, which is why I've brought it to a medical forum where I can much, much better describe what is happening.
If that was too long, here's a much shorter symptom description:
-eye twitching, followed by head tingling and disorientation/nausea
-intense shivering and debilitating tension in all muscles
-continued milder disorientation. Watching TV and a scene is tilted makes me uneasy after these attacks. Sometimes photosensitive disorientation
-may just be my hypochondria, but I feel certain parts of my body on the left side go just slightly numb
I will also add that I am on a generic form of paroxetine (SSRI) that, while on a regular regimen, has done wonders for all anxiety. But due to the drowsiness and lethargy it brought on, as well as the odd withdrawal symptoms (felt like getting your brain electrocuted, didn't like the thought of what this stuff was doing to my brain) I weened myself off over several months to see if my anxiety was gone without medication. I started a new job, quickly learned my panic attacks were alive and kicking, and restarted my regimen. Readjusting brought mild, appetite reducing nausea and the occasional headache. This was recently, and I'm still not adjusted to the regular regimen (taking half a dosage once a week) and the 5 days of illness kept me off of it for a longer time. The best diagnosis I've been able to give myself is this is just odd neurological effects of my brain readjusting to the increased levels of serotonin. As I continue to get back on the regimen, if these "tension attacks" go away, I'll update you that my hopeful diagnosis was correct. If they remain or worsen, I'll probably bug you more with my updated symptoms.