I Am Having Panic Attacks And My Mom Is Pushing At Me To Be

 To classify things, I have been in a cognitive behavior therapy group since November 22, 2010.  Yesterday they decided that they couldn't do anything more for me (I wasn't progressing positively like they wanted me to) with my panic attacks, depression and PTSD and I was "graduated" from the group.  Last night I had severe panic attacks that sent me to bed because I was so scared.  I have been appointed a therapist to see in town, but that won't be until the 14th of February.  My mom wants me out of bed and behaving normally and being "social" while I'm having these panic attacks and PTSD.

She's pestering me to act normal when I am severely mentally ill.  I think she just thinks that everything will be 'normal' now that I am no longer in that group.  Wrong.  And all the medications they have me on----the clonazepam, seroquel, hydroxyzene, and the citalopram don't seem to be working at all.  The seroquel helps me sleep at night, but other than that I don't see any improvement in my illnesses.  Today I am supposed to meet a Union representative with the Postal Service to give him FMLA paperwork to review because tomorrow, Friday, I will have to appear before management for an arbitration case at 9:00 AM.  All this, being so scared, and my mother prodding at me to behave normally instead of hiding in bed is really, really hard on me.  She doesn't understand the mechanics of the illnesses I suffer from and she has enrolled in a NAMI course for parents and relatives of people who suffer various mental illnesses; hopefully this will shed some light for her to see what I'm going through.  I'm still waiting for my disability with the Postal Service and with Social Security to come through, and this is stressful enough having to wait such a long time.  I was going to try and see if I could work part-time, but I am so scared I don't think I can even get past the door.  This is all too much for me; God help me, I am about ready to fall apart.  If things continue the way they are, I just might have another nervous breakdown, and this will be the fourth.  Please remember me in your prayers, I am really suffering.

Cameron

Hi Camy and welcome back. We have missed you, and I am sorry to hear that you are having a rough time right now. I think that Debaser put it very well, there is hope for recovery, you just need to work very hard at finding the right method(s) for you!

I am glad to hear that you will be seeing a therapist soon. I think that one on one CBT is a very good tool in fighting the A/P. You will need to go in with a positive attitude that says "I can and will do everything I can to recover and start feeling strong and well again!"

Please try hard not to anticipate 'another nervous breakdown' This is only setting yourself up. You can help yourself so much more by turning your circumsances into positive mantras such as 'Things need to change, but I have the power to overcome this!' I know that you are stronger than you think you are, and that you can fight and win Camy!

I know that you have been through so much these past few months. The anxiety and panic are oppurtunistic and want to strike when we feel weak. Don't let them. There have been times when I feel too low to fight. That's when I know however, it's is the most important time to do just that, FIGHT! Get a little mad at the A/P and back it down. Push yourself a little bit everyday to do one more thing to beat it down. You may not be able to conquer the world today, but you can kick some anxiety butt right?

I am sorry that it is hard living with family that don't quite understand what you are going through. The more you are making an effort in your healing process, the more they will hopefully come to understand the condition, and your steps to overcome it will be respected. May I ask if you and your husband are in contact? I hope and pray that there is healing in all of your relationships!

Again, welcome back, I am glad that you are posting again, and hope that you will keep us updated on your progress. Let us know how it goes with your new theapist, and remember to stay positive! You can do this my friend!!!

hugs
Scaredy Cat

Camy,

Hello and I am so happy to read that your husband and you seem to have ironed out your issues and he is now standing by you.  Belonging to this  online community where people share daily life stories that provoke deep thought and inspire positive change is a good thing for each of us. 

There is a spiritual book, Why Me? A Spiritual Guide to Growing Through Tests by Justice St. Rain that you might find comforting.  You can find it on Amanzon.com or probably your local library.  It is in paperpack and I think your best bet would be order it from the library.  :)

 

I believe in you and you will make it through this tough time.  Keep us posted.

 

Kindly,

Kitt