Need some help, is it Anxiety or something else??

I registered about a week ago but never introduced myself because I just wasn't ready, didn't know what to say. But I really need help *right now*. Here's a bit of history on me... I am a fiery redhead that carries emotional baggage. I have a lot of mental OCD tendencies. For example I dwell on horrible things happening to the people I love. I picture these things in my head and replay them over and over again until I am uncontrollable with tears. It only got worse after I had children... I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old. I worry about them mostly getting hit by cars, being abducted, falling off bridges, especially those covering water or high places. When I cross a bridge even if they're safely locked in the stroller I start to panic... but then once I've experienced that fear... I replay it changing the scenarios until my child falls. My biggest fear is being on a ferry in the winter and my child somehow falling out of my arms off the boat into the icy water. I have always been very extreme with my emotions. When I am happy I shake, my teeth chatter. I get butterflies anticipating things. When I am upset, especially at someone I can't just be sad or down... I have to cry until I am just hyperventilating. I can't stop, I can't calm down. If I need to contact someone and I can't I worry about them and then I panic. I was diagnosed with depression when I was 21. I was bulimic and also have Ulcerative Colitis.  I ended up admitting myself to the ER. I few crappy councelors and medicine that didn't seem to work I decided that the best course of action for me was to move away from the city I lived in, back home. The bulimia followed, silently.

My life is pretty normal. I have a good job, my husband owns his own business, our 2 kids are healty. Back at the beginning of 2010 I kept having these chest, back pains. The first time I went to urgicare and the 2nd time I went to the ER. They sent me away with acid reflux even though I was already taking 40mg of Nexium a day. After multiple f/u I ended up being sent to my GI. He did a pH test insertion and endoscope test. Endo showed some acid reflux and the pH test showed some but not enough to cause the extreme sternum and back pain I have had every day. I was sent for blood work, xrays and then a hIDA scan which showed 13% dumping of my gallbladder. Before that was removed I had a CT scan on my abdomen. And then had the gallbladder surgery. 2 weeks later I had my first "attack" (Dec 2010). It lasted about 5 minutes and was uncomfortable but not crazy. It felt like a band had formed around my chest and was squeezing. The pressure was the most intense behind mys sternum and in my central back... as if there was a rubber band pulling the two together. I was having them once a week for about 3 weeks and then they started to get closer together. One night in January I had a horrible one... it lasted 20 minutes. It felt like I was having a heart attack. I was clawing at my bed crying, sweating, tunnel vision. I could only focus on this pain. I was breathing quickly because it was my only way for dealing with this excrutiating pain. The next day I had another attack so I went to the ER. I was admitted for 24 hours for a full heart/lung panel. I had an xray, countless rounds of blood, 5 EKGs (one DURING an attack), a stress test and an echo. During the EKG from the attack my HR went from 77 to 160 in maybe 4 seconds. They gave me Ativan and it pretty much knocked me down. My heart and lungs are good with no signs of a blood clot. I followed up with my DR... my xrays and blood work to rule out pancreas liver. At this point I was having attacks daily... like clock work... every morning. Before I drink coffee, water, no high stress... just getting ready for work.

I have been on Celexa and Ativan daily for about 2 weeks now. I hadn't had an attacks until today. I was in the car and I started to feel it coming on. It starts like a pain under each rib...it moves to my sternum and back and then forms a band around my chest and squeezes, then it moves down to my stomach.... like horrible gas bubbles stuck somewhere and a heart attack simultaneously. It is negative 1 here... and I was so hot I was driving 75 with the windows down. I couldn't focus (yes I should have pulled over but I had to get to work... the safety of being inside). I drove 10 minutes like this. Walked into work with this attack... legs like jello, like I was going to pass out. When I got in I started hyperventilating for 20 minutes. I felt like I was going to fall, I was so hot, so shaky, my muscles were so tense, my lips were sucked into my mouth and blue... I couldn't not "be" like this. I started crying because no matter how HARD I tried... I couldn't stop. The physical pain was gone but I was just a mess. Now it's over and I am exhausted. When the attack started I hurried up and took an Ativan. I feel like my body is so tense it's ready to spasm again... so I took 2 xanax.

My thing is... there is nothing mental there. They're completely random... although timed to the morning. I am not thinking of anything. I am not having a "I've been here before" moment. I do not feel like I am drowning, or dying or being suffocated. I only feel PHYSICAL PAIN. The crushing squeezing pain is so intense, it's SO painful.

Although I have always been a high anxiety person I've never had an attack until Dec. Until after my surgery. Yes, I have a lot of my plate. My daughter is disabled, my husband wiped out our savings trying to save the business. I admit there's a lot on my plate but I am scared that something else is wrong. I don't understand... when I read anxiety and panic I don't fit the symptoms... I fit the symptoms of angina or soemthing... but I don't have that.

I just need answers. I feel like I am going crazy. I know I can't stay on Ativan or xanax or klonopin my whole life... I am afraid if they take them away I will get these every day and I just can't handle that.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 2/15/2011 2:22:25 PM (GMT-7)

Thank you so much for your response. My doctor is fantastic but wants to make sure it is anxiety and not something unrelated. Her last test would be a CT scan on my chest/stomach... but since I have had so much radiation in the past 3 months and I am only a 30 year old female.. so wants to hold off. After my hyperventilation "scare" after the attack I am sure it's anxiety... although why my meds suddenly stopped working, I don't know. Today I took my normal ativan and celexa dose and on the way to work had to take a second ativan because I felt the pain coming on... and I know once it hits a certain place (the pain)... it's like there's no going back. I've read countless articles on trying to control the pain before it starts... control the attack and that a lot of it is subconscious... I do the deep breathing, the calming of the fight or flight but like I said... once it hits the red zone... I have to ride it out. Yesterday's was by far the very worst. I felt symptoms I never felt before... the extreme hot flashes, the tunnel vision, the sensitivity to light *usually it's just sound* and the feeling of not being "there". I have contacted a psychiatrists office that has come highly recommended from my doctor and a good friend that suffers from seasonal depression. I am waiting for them to call me back.

Thank you for responding. From your experience... have you met a lot of people with just physical anxiety pain, not the "psychological" stuff during an attack? Do you have any idea what kind of anxiety I might have? Is it possible that I have a panic disorder since my attacks and unprovoked? Just all so new. I know you probably hate answering the same questions over again. And I am sorry about that.

Melaina,
If your doctor doesn't want to do a CT scan how about an MRI? I know what you're going through. I had pain that was on the surface of my skin and it would go down deep into the tissues of my arms. It got so bad at times I would just shake as it would continue going through out my body. I know what you're saying about getting to the point of no return with the pain. I would feel it coming on and basically hold on tight for it to finish. I went through all the tests too. And like you, mine always came back fine. I had doctors that suggested it was anxiety but I didn't want to hear that, I knew I had some strange diease. Looking back now, I can see a pattern of anxiety in my life since I was a little girl but I didn't know what it was. It is so important to get checked out and have all the bad things ruled out and then if it is anxiety you know what you're dealing with.

Angie,

Welcome to HealingWell.  I am glad you found us as we do enjoy new members and are here to support you and share our own personal experieinces with you.

Melaina, the original poster of this thread, has not been seen on the forum since 2/2011 so I do not know if she is still around but let's hope she is and that she will respond to your question.

Feel free to start a thread of your own as we would like the opportunity to get to know you better.

Kindly,

Kitt