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Posted 3/13/2011 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
It's been quite a while since I've been here, though I realize now I should have come back sooner. It's been a tough couple of years for me. I became depressed and very sad and was completely isolating from everyone. The depression is still there, though I'd say not as bad as it has been, but there are still days that I find it hard to do anything.

For the most part, I haven't had much anxiety, a bit here and there, but nothing that I couldn't handle...until the last few weeks. I've been having back problems, which causes pain in my side, and I guess I've become obsessed with there being something wrong with me, even though rationally, I know there is not! Now I'm having anxiety, racing heart and those darned missed heartbeats that always, always get to me. I'm frustrated at allowing myself to go back to obsessing about physical symptoms, especially when I can sit here and rationalize it all, and for letting the missed heart beats scare me again. I've had the back/side issue on and off for about 10 years, and the missed heartbeat, again on and off, for about 15 years, so why is it still scaring me?

Where does the rational thinking go when the anxiety kicks in? Why is it that I will so easily believe that there is something terribly wrong with me, but can't convince myself that nothing serious is wrong, especially when I have years of experience telling me that that is the truth?

I'd really appreciate any support, especially with the missed heart beats, those are making me crazy right now. Thanks.
Posted 3/13/2011 3:36 AM (GMT 0)
Hi JB and welcome back! I also started here in '06, left for awhile and came back, and am so glad that I did!

I am sorry to hear that your A/D is peaking again. I know of many people who have anxiety triggers as a result of physical pain. There are also tons of posts regarding pac's, pvc's, irregular heartbeat/ectopic heartbearts ect... It doesn't seem to matter what kind of 'head knowledge' you have about these, they are always disturbing!

If it helps, do a search here on these two things, and you will find that you are far from alone! The things that you are struggling with are the mind and body's natural reaction to pain and stress.

Try to do the things that brought you relief from the anxiety before. breathing/relaxation exercises, meditation, exercise, distracting activities, ect.

I think (and hope) that you will find coming back a good choice. Post anytime, it is helpful:)

Take care,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 3/13/2011 2:34 PM (GMT 0)
Junebug05

Hi, glad to see you back with us. I have missed you.

I am glad to see you have been doing well but also it is good to know you come and talk with us when things get tough.

Your pain may be all caused by anxiety as many of us suffer the same type of pain and anxiety. Many people with anxiety disorders do not seek treatment for their symptoms. They don't think their symptoms can be treated. In addition, they may fear what others might think of them if they seek treatment. As a result, many will suffer with a physical disorder, and the symptoms that come with it, when they don't have to. This can go untreated for long periods of time

In many theories of stress related back pain, the pain cycle continues and is exacerbated as the pain leads to the patient becoming timid and anxious about daily activities.

Do you have any history of a back injury ? If tihis continues do see your Dr. and if all checks out fine I would suggest you work on lowering the stress and hopefully the back pain will become less of a problem.

Gentle Hugs to you,

Kitt
Posted 3/13/2011 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Scaredy Cat and Kitt!

SC, I did look up some of the posts about pac/pav's and it does help to know that so many others are experiencing the same thing. I had a huge bout of them last night, about two hours of fairly constant "skipped beats", and managed to just tell myself that they can't hurt me and just went about my business until they were done. Hopefully that is something I can hang on to every time they start.

Kitt, I have had this back issue for about 10 years, I did injure my back about 5 years ago, but this issue isn't related to that. about a month ago I saw a chiropractor for the first time. He, of course, found nothing wrong with the x-rays and told me that it was probably just muscle/soft tissue problems. I wasn't too surprised by this, but was a bit disappointed, as it would have been nice to actually have something treatable show up. I know from experience that when I massage that area in my back, not only does the back pain go away, but so does the pain in my side and front, which lead the chiropractor and myself to believe that it is muscular...like I said, I can rationalize all of it. You are absolutely right about my being timid and anxious about doing daily activities, mainly because I'm so tired of hurting and don't want to make it worse, which I believe is actually doing me more harm than good. I know what needs to be done, mentally and physically, but for some reason the rational side just flips off when the anxiety starts, which I know so many of us here can relate too!

I will need to work on relaxation and my good old cbt again. I haven't had too much anxiety, so haven't needed to use it much, but I'm seeing that anxiety can pop back up at any time, so maybe the relaxation and cbt should be a part of my daily life no matter how I feel!

I really appreciate both of you responding. It's so good to be back!
Posted 3/13/2011 6:31 PM (GMT 0)
It is good to have you back as you are a valued member here in the forum. Pull up a rocking chair and sit down for a visit any time you would like too.

Hugs,
Kitt
Posted 3/13/2011 7:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Junebug,

When it comes to getting freaked out with irregular heartbeats I know exactly what you're talking about. I have had those for over 24 years and I still go crazy when they start. I have been really bothered by them since last summer. I think I let myself get overly stressed and they began like I've never had them before. I was so overwhelmed by them. I would literally feel several every minute. I had the holter test ran again and everything came back fine...I have had all kinds of tests throughout the years. After a few months of this I finally became used to them continuing on and on. Now, I still get them but I don't get as freaked. It took this for me to get to the point of knowing that I'm not going to die from them and I have finally learned to live with them. If I get to the point of not having them for many months again, I don't know what my reaction would be to them...probably go crazy about them all over again. Just want to let you know that just relaxing and I also gave up caffeine has helped. I hope knowing you're not alone has helped and let me know what helps you when these start.
Posted 3/13/2011 8:00 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much for sharing, Carly! As much as I hate to hear that anyone else is dealing with these, it is a comfort to know I'm not alone. I know that this will not hurt me or kill me, or I'd have been gone a very long time ago :-)! I know that I will get used to having them again, if I just accept them and be patient, it's just tough to readjust after so long. I've been having them now for about 2 hours and have just been going about my business, so maybe I'm on the road to acceptance already...we'll see. I know that sometimes I can handle these things better than others. Thanks again, Carly!
Posted 3/15/2011 1:38 PM (GMT 0)

Junebug,

I know what you're saying about living fine without them and then they start again. Mine come at a time of stress and then adds to the stress. It seems like when my stress level starts to go down that triggers them too. Have you tried to take magnesium? I am not very good at taking pills but I do take that when I have a lot of palpitations that go on for days and cut out caffeine.

Posted 3/15/2011 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
Mine come when I'm more stressed too, and sometimes with hormonal fluctuations. I haven't tried magnesium, but have read that a lot of people do use that for their palpitations, so I'm thinking about trying it. I gave up caffeine years ago, so that isn't an issue. It's strange this time as I had them really, really bad for three days straight, like one every couple of beats, and now they are gone. Not complaining, believe me, just seems odd. I'm wondering if it's a hormonal change...ovulation perhaps that caused them. That's happened before, but it's usually just a couple here and there, nothing like three days straight! I guess the stress I'm dealing with may have made them worse. I guess all I can do is enjoy my time without them and deal with them the best I can when they return. Thanks again, Carly!
Posted 3/15/2011 7:35 PM (GMT 0)
I have noticed lately, since mine have calmed down from where they were a few months ago, that I get them after eating. They will begin and not last long. We both know if they leave, they will come back again some time. I had a doctor tell me several years ago, they will go away and maybe stay away for months even years but they will return. I know everyone has them just some of us feel them, but when mine really get going I don't know how anyone can have what I have and not feel them. It's great to be able to communicate with someone who understands what this feels like. People I tell look at me like I'm crazy or they think I should go to the ER. My husband doesn't react at all anymore, sometimes it would be good if he at least would ask how I felt but then he doesn't understand how these can make you crazy.
Posted 3/15/2011 8:09 PM (GMT 0)
Oh, I know they will return, they always do. This time it's been years since I've had such a long attack, and so many at a time, usually it's just a few here and there and I'm okay with that. I've had them for over 15 years, and they have always come and gone, but I seem to never get used to them completely, they are the number one thing that can make me lose it. I know what you mean about those who have them and don't notice them...how can that be possible??!!

My husband can be really supportive at times, but then I think he just gets tired of hearing it and quits asking. I can understand that, as sometimes I get sick of talking about it!! I suppose he's like me in the respect that when I'm doing well and don't have any anxiety or symptoms, I would rather forget it and not talk about it either, but it would be nice when he knows that I'm having difficulty for him to ask how I am a bit more. Oh well, those who don't have it, can't truly understand what it's like and can't be as supportive as those who do know what it's like.

I'm glad that we've talked here too, it has helped so much. It's amazing how much it helps just to speak with someone who really gets it, has been right where I've been and can tell me they made it through. It gives me so much hope! Let's keep in touch now! Thanks Carly!
Posted 3/15/2011 9:29 PM (GMT 0)
It makes me feel better knowing that you understand what I go through too. I know what you mean about getting tired of talking about how you feel. I usually don't talk about it. If I get a bad day where I feel them all the time I will just stay more quiet and try to keep relaxed and calm. I know they won't kill me, I tell myself that. But you know how a mind will go off onto the what if's.

Have you been feeling them today also? I had some right after lunch but now they have gone away for now.
Posted 3/16/2011 1:04 AM (GMT 0)
I used to be the queen of the what if's! I'm better about it now, for the most part, but like I've said, the heartbeat stuff is the one thing that still pushes me over the edge and gets me thinking what if... I get pretty quiet when it's going on too. Usually I'll go and sit in my bedroom with the door closed and just relax and either work on cbt, read a Claire Weekes books or I journal. I don't like the noise and commotion when I get anxious.

I have had just a couple today, really mild ones, not the kind that you feel the big thump, more like the butterfly flutter kind. Those don't get to me as much as those hard thumping ones..those make me crazy! The last few days, I've been getting the really bad ones, right after I eat especially, but today has not been too bad.
Posted 3/16/2011 1:57 PM (GMT 0)
The big thumping ones are the worst. I haven't had any of those for a while either. Most of the time mine are the flutter ones that I can usually just ignore...I know they're happening but I can still function with them. I have other anixety conditions that take their place when they settle down these symptoms start appearing. I think if I just get out and get some exercise that would help alot to get my mind off of me and on to other things. When I'm busy and don't have time to think I realize how good I start to feel. Why do we have these mind games going on within ourselves? I have never thought of myself as paranoid. I am always happy and try to see the good in life. I am lucky to have a good job and healthy family, I know I am extremely blessed. Life is good and then out of the blue I will start to get these feelilngs come over me that I can't stop. A few years ago I was so bad that I thought I was going to die. I had myself convinced of that and was looking at insurance plans in case I couldn't continue to work. I isolated myself from family and friends and layed on the couch after work every evening. I hoped that no one would come over to visit. When the kids would call on the phone it was all I could do to talk with them. I was going from doctor to doctor to get answers as to what was wrong and they couldn't find anything wrong. I didn't realize it was all anixety. I remember when I was at the worst I would think, thank god I'm not getting palpitations on top of everything else. When I started to snap out of my anixety/ depression or whatever it was I went through, then the palpitations began. Now looking back, I would rather have the palpitations, I know how to deal with them even though they scare me.
Posted 3/16/2011 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
Your story sounds very similar to mine and I deal with it in the same way...keep busy. It's been harder for me to do that lately because I've been depressed and have some back issues that limit what I want to do and can do physically, but I try. I'm the same way with one symptom replacing another. It seems that as soon as I accept that one isn't going to kill me and I can handle it, another shows up to throw me off.

Mine has been so bad at times that I've been completely home bound with agoraphobia. The worst time was about 17 years ago, right after my Dad passed away. I had a major panic attack while driving and then didn't leave the house for almost 2 years! I fought my way back then and things were wonderful for quite a while. Little set backs here and there, but nothing that kept me from going out. I was uncomfortable while out, but I went. Then in 2005 the panic hit again and so did the agoraphobia. I didn't leave home for several months, but immediately got help, found a therapist that would come to my home and after about a year was anxiety free and so, so happy! In 2009, my best little friend, my dog Buster, died and the bad depression hit. I've worked really hard to keep the panic/anxiety from rearing it's head, and until the last few weeks have been successful at it. There are a few stresses that have been added to my life in the last few months and I know that is why I'm going through this now.

I know that once I accept that it's back and start working on relaxation and cbt it will get better. It's just so tough to be doing so well and then have it all come back, and it takes me a little while to get my wits about me again and start doing what I need to do. The memories of all the other times come flooding back as well and it's hard to not be a little worried that it could be that way again.

Where are you at with all of this right now. I know you have the palpitations, but otherwise how are you doing?
Posted 3/16/2011 7:03 PM (GMT 0)
I think a few years ago I could have definitely become homebound if it weren't for my job and that made me get out of the house. I have a half hour drive to work and that is kind of therapy for me. I am able to think, or sing to my radio or back then I spent a lot of time on the road crying and then make myself knock it off in front of people. At this time I found out my son and his wife were going to have a baby and all I could think of was I will be way too sick to enjoy the baby and the baby will never know me healthy and fun. I was really convinced that I was dying and the doctors just couldn't find out what was wrong to help me.

Do you think that since you experienced this before you will be able to get a handle on it? Now you have the tools you didn't have before. You just need to set aside "you time" even it's just 15 minutes here and there. When I say I could have become homebound I mean, no energy, the fear of leaving and being alone in the car and just plain not feeling well. What were your thoughts or symptoms that kept you homebound?

Right now I still have my times when I get flare ups. My anixety is mostly health related. I get palpitations and burning skin sensations. I somtimes have a hard time breathing and swallowing and body aches. I was tested for lupust too. If I keep my mind busy I can keep it all under control it's when I dwell that some of these come back.
Posted 3/16/2011 11:20 PM (GMT 0)
It's still so amazing to me that it's so much easier to convince ourselves of the very worst, like we are dying, than to do the opposite and convince ourselves that this is all anxiety and can't hurt us. I've been that way too, over the years I've been completely sure that I had a brain tumor or cancer, or some other dread disease that was sure to take my life. It's so scary when it's happening!!

At my worst, I had just about all of the panic/anxiety symptoms at one time or another. Like you mentioned earlier, as soon as one would go another would take it's place. It was like starting all over trying to accept that it was just anxiety every single time. I thought that if I left I'd die, pass out or go crazy and run like a lunatic through the store, or freak out and embarrass myself or my family. My thought was that if I was going to do one of those things it was going to be at home, plus I was less anxious when I stayed in the house...some days I couldn't go outside and really bad days, I got panicky leaving my chair! I was a mess.

My anxiety has a lot to do with health related issues too. Even though I know I'm fine, there's always that voice in the back of my head saying, "yeah, but it could be...(fill in any horrible disease here)" I know that I'm so much better off now than I've ever been, and I do have the tools needed to get through it. I don't really think I'll ever go back to where I've been, I've come too far, but like I said, there's always that little voice.

I haven't experienced any burning skin sensations, like you, but have had trouble with tightness in my chest, and trouble breathing before. The trouble swallowing has been with me for years, it's one that doesn't really ever leave me, it upsets me for a second when it happens, but I've had it so long I know that it's no big deal and just move on.

I was just wondering if you'd like to keep in touch through e-mail. If you do, my e-mail is listed in my profile. If you're not comfortable with that I totally understand and will keep in touch with you here.
It truly is nice to find someone who completely understands!
Hope you are having a good day!
Posted 3/17/2011 1:17 PM (GMT 0)
Yes, I think I would like the email idea :-) I will communicate with you there. I will not give up this site but I think we do have so many of the same emotions going on that getting more personal might help both of us and probably nobody wants to read about our deep dark problems anyway..lol.
Posted 3/17/2011 6:26 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so glad that you don't mind e-mailing. I'll be sticking around here too, but like you said I think we have a lot in common and it would be wonderful to get to know each other better without filling up the boards here. Hope to hear from you soon!
Posted 3/17/2011 6:45 PM (GMT 0)
I sent you an email this morning, check and see if you recieved it.
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