what should i do about my parents?

 

Im back.. geez so many obstacles latly, however whoever has read my recent posts in regards to housing anxiety, thats finally over woohoo got a house now right infront of the water, thats it im sticking with it im happy and not moving anymore. i just have to get through this final week and a half living with the parents, its been so tough. but since living here ive seen how ugly and horrible my parents really are, its different when i was a kid growing up i didnt know anything better, but now i see it and i just feel like i want no part of them, they are non affectionate, emotionally suppressed people, my mum constantly negative but i can forgive her because thats the way she is and i dont take her seriously, plus i can be comfortable around my mum, my dad is different i feel totally awkard with him always have.. i just dont get him, not only that i just dont like him as a person, he makes me sick, he has done some horrible things to me, sick things to and i can forgive and i have but when i see hes attitude and see he will never change, i dont know what to do, im thinking of cutting them out or at least my dad, because i feel like he brings me down.. ive tried to be a positive and good person and i belive i am and i dont know how to be around them. what are the boundaries, i now know never to rely on them again geez its just so hard when youve got parents like this, its no wonder ive had so many issues. and if i just wasnt to see and talk to my dad how do i go about it hes been too hurtful and i just dont like the way he is, strange awkard i just want to be done with this part of my life, has anyone had issues with their parents, how have you handled them. I just feel like they are only good to hang around if we are bored but its so hard. and i find it so sad that they dont know who iam, i have a best friend who ive known less than two years and she knows me way better than my parents. something about my dad i just cant stand anymore, he doesnt even have any friends its just so strange, hes a very awkard person, i just want to hang around with good people who will enrich my life. any advice?

I went through a very rough childhood. That in today's world would of landed my parents in prison for a very long time.

In time I learned to understand my parents and how they were raised and where they came from. Found out about my dad's struggles and what he has gone through. It took a long time. I asked my mom a lot of questions. And needed a lot of answers. I even broke down one time and had a yelling match with my dad. Told him just what he had done and how it effected me. How much it hurt me.

I wanted out of the house so bad. I got married at the age of 17. Dropped out of school. I was willing to do whatever it took to get out of my house. My parents treated me like dirt. What make it worse is I watched them treat my younger brother like he was gold. I was restricted from doing things and I watched him have run of the house.

Anyway. The only way I was able to fix my relationship with my parents was because of the questions and the out pour of emotions to my dad. Without that happening I wouldn't be speaking to my parents to this day.

I now have such a close relationship with my parents that I can and do talk with them about anything and everything. My mom is my bestfriend. And even though I had a very hard childhood. I now understand why and I can accept it. Its not easy and sometimes I will even say (mentally) that its not fair.. They treat my kids 100% better than they ever did me. But they have learned from their mistakes also. And are much better people now.

So a way to decide if you should move on without them or with them. Is to talk. Talking is the only way you will get anywhere. That way your what if's and uncertainties can be answered. You don't want to be 60 years old and wishing you had.. take the time and do it after you are settled in. Talk with them. Find out what you really need to know.

Good luck,
Cary

oldsoul84,

I am glad to know you have found a place of your own.  Congratulations !

If you can look ahead and prepare for your move with joy and excitement I believe you will make it through this rough time.  Great advice by the other members.  I am going to post a poem that has helped me when I take the time to really read the words.

Yesterday Is Gone

 

Today, is here and yesterday, is gone!
Now, it's time, you have to move on!
There's no looking back, what was
before, for it just isn't there, anymore!
You have to look, to the future and it
will show you, the way. For it's the
beginning, of a brand new day! Time,
is the best healer, as everybody knows.
And whatever happens, is the way the
wind blows! Don't ever look back, to
what was before, for it's gone and
forgotten and not here, anymore! For
whatever reason, it was meant to be.
You'll come out unscathed and happy
to be free!

~ Audrey Heller ~