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Can't breathe

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Posted 4/10/2011 10:38 PM (GMT 0)
It's head between knees time and deep breaths I think. But it hurts to breathe. My chest is so tight. I can't write. My whole life has been gearing up to this, all my education, my hobbies, everything. I'm 26 next month. I'm doing nothing with my life. I feel like everything's passing me by. My job is going to take me nowhere. But I'm so, so glad I have it, especially in Ireland right now [we're really screwed]. But I can't write. I've been sitting at my laptop every day staring at it. It makes my head hurt, trying to think of words, scenarios, people. I can't stop comparing myself to people I know. 3 of my close friends I went to school with - one is in politics and works for the America Foreign Office here in Dublin, one is a doctor and one is a lawyer. They have lots of money and seem to be getting somewhere. I know I chose this path knowing that there will be no money in it, but they're making things of themselves.

A family member works for the premier poetry magazine in the country, and knows everyone who's anyone and has a book deal. Another school friend is now a chef on the rise to celebrity, and has a 2 book deal with harper collins. His newest book: http://ow.ly/4x9GU

I feel like I'm wasting everything but I can't seem to make myself work. I'd work really hard if I could but I can't, and it's making me shake and sweat and not sleep and my chest hurt so goddarn much.

Ahhhhh! Let's run away.
Posted 4/11/2011 1:12 AM (GMT 0)
Yeah Lets run away! I always wanted to run away to some foreign place where no one knows my name, and I can be totally free and the stresses of life do not matter! yea! like a little Heaven on earth!

haha if only:)
Posted 4/11/2011 2:46 AM (GMT 0)
Aww, C.W. I'm sorry that you are feeling down right now. I am also sorry to hear that you have the tight chest and trouble breathing, as I know how that feels. Have you had the chance to take a look at the breathing and relaxation exercises that are posted in our resources. If you can, spend ten minutes (or more) 2X a day devoted to practicing these, and your symptoms should improve.

As far as feeling down about this stage in your life...I think that if you asked your friends, they'd say the same thing about their situations. I think it's about perception. You perceive them as having some great accomplishments, but you are just seeing things from the outside. They may not see it as so, they may see you as being the lucky one, the one with the creativity to be earning a living doing something he/she likes.

It is easy to get into a pattern of negative thinking and feel trapped by our choices. Remeber though that it is never too late to reinvent yourself. If indeed you think you need a change, set some goals and start making plans. Maybe just thinking about these things will get your creative momentum going again:)

Try to think positive and be thankful for the good things that are there in your life. I constantly have to remember this advice for myself, as I can easily focus on one or two negative things and let them start to bog me down!

I hope that you will start to feel better about things soon, let us know how it's going later:)
Scaredy Cat
Posted 4/12/2011 10:31 AM (GMT 0)
Goals are a good idea :) Although I always seem to be setting them and never sticking to them! Perhaps this time will be different. I'm still feeling that crushing in my chest throughout the day. I sent my bf articles on GAD though because he never seems to be able to understand how I can be afraid of nothing. I think he's starting to get it now.

I've been doing the breathing exercises and stuff but last night it knocked me clear into feeling that I wasn't real at all, that I wasn't here.

I realise that perspective probably does have an awful lot to do with everything, and also that most people don't really think about other people's lives that often.
Posted 4/12/2011 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Here's an idea, if you post your goals...we'll keep you accountable! Okay, maybe you don't want that stress in your life:P

I am glad that you are trying to do the breathing, and it was a great idea to give your BF some enlightening reading! Remember these are just the beginning steps to healing. Be patient with yourself and your progress!

Continue to work on managing your anxiety levels. Keep posting here with us. It is really helpful, not only to you, but to those who read your posts and can relate!

You are doing really well, and are going to be fine. Keep up the fight!

Take care,
S.C.
Posted 4/13/2011 9:58 PM (GMT 0)

Scaredy Cat said...
Here's an idea, if you post your goals...we'll keep you accountable!

Actually that sounds like a good idea. I always get the feeling I'm trying to do too much too soon.

I've been trying to control the anxiety with sleeping pills. I used to kind of need them when I wouldn't sleep for days over the period of about 2 months, but now I still have them and take them occasionally. The hangover from the pills lasts well into half of the next day, so it numbs things, really. But then you get that odd feeling where you're hazy but also have the chest pains, general breathing issues etc.

When I start to think of everyday things, things I need to get done or sorted out or whatever, my mind just blanks. It's like hitting a wall, and then that all-too-familiar rising panic feeling happens. Either way it's rubbish. I demand a permanent prescription to Valium.
Posted 4/14/2011 3:17 AM (GMT 0)
Demand away, Lol! Kidding aside, are you on any Rx? If you think that you could benefit, make an appointment with your g.p.

Also there are presciption sleeping pills that are short-acting and won't give you a hang-over. My mom takes one, and never has morning problems. I can't remember the name, but maybe someone else will:)

Keep doing those breathing/relaxation exercises. For me, these and CBT have been my lifesavers! Everyone finds different levels of comfort in different things, but these are free, easy and good for anybody's mental and physical health.

Keep posting,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 4/14/2011 11:15 AM (GMT 0)
I have an analytical psychotherapist but I missed some appointments and I thinks she's angry so I haven't heard from her :s

But no! I have no Rx :( All I have is lamictal and effexor and they don't do nothin. I've told my pdoc twice about not sleeping and she was like ...watch a movie you like, it'll help you sleep. WHAT THE HELL WOMAN. I really don't think there's anything the doctors will do to help me anymore. I'm on the public health system [which in Ireland means 'screwed'] and I can't change doctors or anything.

I used to live in Galway, on the West coast of Ireland, and the level of care was so amazing and different there. I guess because there were fewer people to treat? Whereas in Dublin there's everyone? Pretty much everyone in Ireland lives in Dublin. I miss Galway. Here, an appointment is like the assembly line. The appointment's at 11. By half 1 you get to see a doctor. You spend 5-8 minutes in there with them. They ask how your mood is, if you hear voices or see things others don't see. They give you your usual prescription and make an appointment for 2 months' time. Score.
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