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Am I just crazy?

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Posted 4/15/2011 2:06 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all,
I'm new to this forum and I'm not really sure where to start. I'm Bp2 and having a hard time with it. That aside, the way I handle stress had changed. When I was younger I self-mutilated. All I realize now to have some control in my life. Something to numb the pain I was in from all the sexual-abuse, from all the parent abandonment. All the crap a if shouldn't have to deal with. Now.....within this last year being diagnosed Bp I've been trying to limit my stress because it sends me into an episode. I CRY, I SHAKE, I feel this urge for violent outbursts I try my best to contain. Even the most mild things sometimes find my hands shaking. Why now? I don't really get it?

***Not2L8, I slightly edited your post, omitting some details.  These can be a trigger for some who are also recovering from these habits.  Thanks for your understanding

S.C.

 

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 4/14/2011 11:19:15 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/15/2011 5:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Not2L8. First off let me say that I am sorry and saddened to hear of all that you have been through. Second let me commend you for recovering from your self-harming coping mechanisms, and seeking more healthy outlets for your anxiety and pain.

May I ask if you are currently attending therapy, or seeing a dr. to help you in this process? These things can be really difficult to deal with, without professional assistance. Event then, as you go deeper into the roots of your troubles, things may get harder before they get better.

Also, consider that you have given up an incredibly numbing behavior(s) and it will take awhile to adjust to your healthier practices...but please keep up the good work!

Post anytime here when you need support and a good cheering on. I for one am very proud of you, and I know our other members here would also give you Big Double High Fives:)

Take care and let us know how you are doing soon,
Scaredy Cat
Posted 4/15/2011 12:54 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Not,

Are you on meds that are offering you any relief?  I am sure in your situation counseling would be benefical.  Also remember to take good care of yourself physically, so important.  I hope you can find a path to wellness soon.  Overcoming traumatic life events is difficult but not impossible.  I have faith that if you want to really get over all things bad from the past, that you realize that you do have the strength to do it.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

Gem

Posted 4/15/2011 2:07 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there,
To try and answer some of your questions...yes I am on medication, though I believe they are more mood stablizers than something for anxiety. I have asked my Dr about it
but have not had any luck. I do go to talk therapy and psychiatric and have.consistently for the 1 1/2-2 years. My meds have changed a number of times which really sucks. I'm still trying to find a cocktail that works. The goal is to make the pain I'm in more tolerable. To control the urges to make it go away thru physical harm. That part I must admit has subsided for the last few months. I often feel like my past has caught up with me and that everything I had in me to block out the pain is gone. Now all that's left are the pieces of me,
Scotch taped together. Let me tell you, it doesn't hold very well. Lol...anyways that's me. Are there any anxiety issues that are real in there or is it just the Bp?
Posted 4/15/2011 2:22 PM (GMT 0)
Of course your anxiety is real.  It feels real to you doesn't it?  I used to self medicate to numb the pain of the past.  I finally figured out this approach was not working for me, so I quit numbing myself and just let those feelings flow right through me, and out the door!  The way I look at it now, the past is gone, the future is yet to be, all I have is this moment right now.  I refuse to let past experiences that do not bring me happiness or peace rule my life, I took away the power we give these events when we continue to invite them into our lives every waking moment.

Gem

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