XANAX AND COFFEE.... PLEASE HELP

So.... Since about last thursday my anxiety has been in OVERLOAD. i have been feeling out of it, feeling like i totally lost sense of reality and i was so afraid that i was losing it that I convinced myself that everything I am used to is fake and in a fantasty land (obviously not true.)

Yesterday I had a severe panic attack, i lost control of my mind because i thought that the world i knew was a fantasy. I made myself believe that the people I loved and knew were all figments of my imagination, and that I sincerely lost my mind. I know that people who go crazy or lose sense of reality dont know they are doing it- so I wrapped my brain around the idea that I already did lose my mind and that the "real world" was something I couldn't see.

Here is my question. How can you ever really be sure that you are not going crazy when those who "go crazy" are not AWARE of what crazy is? What IS crazy? And this ridiculous thought has made me think that I am actually crazy lol. It is ridiculous! So my panic attack was so bad I took TWO of the lowest dosage forms of xanax to cope. And I did, but even when I was calm, I couldn't stop thinking of this theory. It was truly mind boggling.

I woke up today not feeling great. I waited until I got to work when I felt another attack coming on so I took ANOTHER xanax 9only one) and drank 2 cups of coffee and now I feel seriously... just WONDERFUL lol. It has really opened up my eyes a little. I know that this all sounds crazy... but my deep fear of losing my mind has made me create this theory in my head.

I read online the side effects of taking xanax. I am afraid to become addicted now. But it really brings me back down to earth. I've been taking it on rare occassions for the last month. But recently, the panic attacks have been so much more frequent and on going that I feel like I can't manage them on my own. I will stop taking xanax for a while- but what should I do if I lose control again? I am too afraid to take other drugs also....

I am about to graduate college and the past few months have been seriously one hit after another. But finally after I thought I found a solution... every forum tells me not to take it and now I feel anxious because I feel like I am getting addicted. It's like NEVER ENDING! Now what? Is there any solely anti-anxiety medication? I do not think I am depressed. I love myself (I really do) but the only time I feel bad about myself is when I feel anxious. I get so deep into my own head that I feel like I'm in a fantasy land (which I know deep down I'm not) because otherwise I would be at peace with my craziness. BLAHH this all makes no sense. I wanna feel alive again. I don't want to take medications because I am afraid to become numb. I want to feel. I want to be free. I want to feel at peace. But I just... don't know.... how. :(  

How Do I know I am not imagining all of this for sure? Is there even an answer to that question? GAHHHHH! 

first thing you should do is stop drinking coffee and try to cut out all stimulants from your diet, it sucks i know but it really helps.

As far as meds for anxiety i know a lot of people have good experiences with Lexapro for anxiety control, i am on 20mg and it with wellbutrin has done wondering for my anxiety/depression.

As far as your question, if you really where schizophrenic this theory wouldn't even enter your head, you wouldn't be questioning if these things were real or not, they just would be. So you are not going crazy, but panic attacks do feel like it sometimes.

I used to have similar symptoms as you with the dissociative aspect of anxiety, i would be living in my own head and not out in life and it feels like you are in a dream world. Try to live in the moment more, it sounds like a simiple thing but its hard to do. It took therapy to help me cope with the anxiety. Have you thought about going to therapy? It really does wonders.

A,

Gem here.  Sounds like your mind is a runaway locomotive.  First, Chill!  Also, when I used to get really anxious and panicky, my mind was all over the place.  The above post is correct, caffeine is an absolute no-no for anxiety or anyone who cares about their health.  I reduced anxiety by 50% or more by eliminating caffeine.  If you need the Xanax, take the Xanax, that is what it is for!  It does have a highly addictive profile at really high doses.  I think using as needed at low doses, you will probably be OK.  If you want to be med free you have to work very hard on your diet, exercise routine and retraining your brain, this is great but it takes time and does not happen over night.  Keep on with counseling, get rid of the caffeine, clean up your diet, use Xanax when you need it and see if you feel a bit better.

Now take a deep ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........

Keep working on yourself, nothing is impossible, you will find your path to wellness.

Gem

Have you talked with your DOc about your worries about becoming addicted?  There are other Benzo's you can try to are less addictive i think, i'm sure they all are to a point but maybe there is one you can feel more comfortable about.  I take ativan when needed, its long lasting so you don't need as many pills, just a thought