checking in

I gorged out over Easter on chocolate, and now that it's all gone I'm going back on the straight and narrow. I'm not going to touch coffee but I need tea to live (Ireland will do that to you). I've started noticing that small things like that really do make me more nervous. I'd always thought that things like 'avoiding caffeine' etc were just codswallop.

I keep saying I'm never drinking again, and have been for years. Staying away from the drink is hard. It makes you feel so relaxed and normal! And then the next day it's horrendous and you swear you're never doing that again...until you do it again.

It's 2.18 pm here now. I didn't sleep last night but finally fell asleep about 9am-1pm. Which is good going, I think. On my week off, at least I had the luxury of being able to stay in bed.

My chest hurts like hell. Breathing is hard. I used to get so, so anxious that I'd go for days without being able to keep any food down. Luckily that hasn't happened for this good while.

It's sunny outside. I want to stay here in bed and curl up under the covers with the curtains closed and not move until my bf comes home from work. Obviously that's not the answer to anything. I'm going to have a shower and take my meds. Then I'm going to go walk. With giant headphones and sunglasses...because they make you safe :)

Hope everyone's OK. Do something you want to do today.

Hi C.W. Oh no! I know exactly how you feel in regards to the e-mail mishap. It has happened to everyone. Whereas the average person might be upset, but able to shrug it off, the anxious person gets into a tailspin of panic and swirling emotions!

Here's a game plan if you don't already have one. Proceed with your healthy plan no matter how awful you feel. Eat well, lots of water, exercise, breathing/relaxation techniques, stay away from the bad stuff...

When you are feeling a little better. Call/e-mail and ask to take the test anyway. If you completely trash it now, you have no chance. If you call and ask to return it late, you still have some chance. None against some is at least something:)

Try not to dwell on the things that have happened and can't be changed. Just keep moving forward, and give yourself some slack. You are going through a lot. Do what you can of course, but be kind and gentle with yourself during your recovery.

One more thing. I am proud of yourself for seeing that alchohol is not the answer. Stay strong, please. I lost my father to alcholhoism, and I suspect that he started drinking to 'medicate' his anxiety. It may be a balm initially, but it will turn on you and could eventually be disasterous. You are wise to recognize this now.

Remember the chest discomfort, nausea, dizzyness can all be relieved with the progressive muscle relaxation and breathing exercises. Practice them daily:)

Take care and let us know how you are doing soon,
Scaredy Cat