I've been through 16 medications in 5 months....
Buspar, Lexapro, Ativan, Xanax, Klonodine, Propranolol, Nortriptyline, Oleptro, Trazadone, Paxil, Visteral, Seroquel (took one tablet and freaked, didn't take it again), Lamictal, and now the currents meds are;
Neurontin (anticonvulsant, 1800 mgs/day), Celexa (30 mgs/day), and Klonopin (1-2 mgs/day)
I didn't sleep through the night for two months. I would wake up five times a night with panic attacks on trazadone and would wake up every morning panicking.
I went to the psych ward twice. I went to a house that was like a psych ward except you could smoke. I went through a Partial Hospital Program where you go 6 hours a day, 5 days a week for 3 weeks.
This has been the worst six months of my life.
I developed a fear of being alone and for two straight months couldn't be alone for even five minutes. That has since passed. Some anxiety comes in, but not always.
I am afraid to be alone with my daughter because I fear of panicking with her, and I can only travel 5 miles from my house if I'm driving alone. I just started going into stores alone. Although I didn't leave my house at all for many months, let alone drive more than a mile. I feel like I've come pretty far.
I didn't work for six months and now I'm back to work and enjoying it too. I'm there sometimes 6 days a week.
I fell so far, and suffered from terrible intrusive thoughts (still do) after a shrink told me to quit Lexapro cold turkey back in November. That's when this nightmare started.
Psych wards are also not what you think depending on where you go. We were separated by severity of illness into three units. I was in the lowest security unit and could go on walks once a day down to the coffee shop.
I was so bad at the psych ward that I was having 15 panic attacks a day. And I mean SEVERE panic attacks. I kept wondering when I would ever enjoy the day, and wanted to give up so that's why I went to the psych ward twice and the house.
I thank God for me getting to where I am now. My life is so much better. I prayed and prayed everyday to God to help me and now I think I can start helping other people.
Final Diagnosis: Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Intrusive Thoughts, and Depression
Thought I would just tell my story and if you ever feel like you need to go to the hospital because you don't feel safe, it's not a bad thing. It's scary when you first get into the hospital but remember that you just need to get better. After a day the hospital isn't so bad, it's just something to help you.
I'm now starting an Anxiety/Depression support group in my county. The closest one is a half hour away and I'm sure there are plenty of people in my county who need a support group like that. I emailed NAMI about being under their "umbrella" for the support group and I finally got an email back today saying they would love to have me! I just have to do a two day training program and commit to it for a year. I just feel like I can help people after doing the partial program, being in the psych ward, and doing a program I now do two hours a day/one day a week.
Sincerely,
Twiggygal
Post Edited (Twiggygal) : 4/29/2011 11:43:26 PM (GMT-6)