Anyone here suffer from borderline personality disorder?

I am multi diagnosed. One doc said bipolar II which I tried meds and made me worse (lamictal) and another doc said I suffer from BPD. I've read online and in some books about BPD and have heard there isn't any meds for that except trying anti anxiety meds or an anti depressant. I'm on xanax right now but scared to try any mood stabilizers or anti depressants again because of the horrible side effects I had before. I'm currently searching for a psych doc for meds on my insurance but because I'm on a medicare supp insurance it's hard to find one.

Since 2002 I have tried prozac, effexor, and wellbutrin for depression that I can remember. When i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2005 I was put on Lamictal 200mg, cymbalta 60mg, neurontin 300mg, restoril 30mg and klonipin 2mg. That was my daily regimin for about 2 years but I wasn't feeling better and was in and out of the hospital for atleast 3 or 4 times before I finally said enough. I stopped taking all the meds and within about 6 months I was actually starting to feel a lil more stable. I still had my ups and downs and without having insurance for a few years I just dealt with it but I have had so many triggers since last May. A car accident, so I couldn't do my yoga 3 times a week like a needed, then shoulder surgery in feb this year, my daughter moving in last summer which only lasted about 6 months because we fought so darn much and my ex husband and youngest sons dads not taking my problems serious and calling me a drama queen and throw in financial struggles and I finally broke this past week. I finally found a therapist but am afraid to get on any other meds other than xanax because I felt so much worse on all the other pills before. I realize that maybe I wasn't on the right ones, right combo or right dosage but with my anxiety so bad now and my depression so severe I don't know if I can put myself through being a guinea pig with the pills. If I could pause my life (kids and bills) then I would probably check myself in to the hospital indefinately until they could get the right meds and I feel a lil more stable. I just don't know what to do. I know I need to make this decision on my own and take my mental state into my hands but I guess I just feel like I don't have a support system.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 6/10/2011 8:19:20 PM (GMT-6)

what type of mood stabilizer and anti anxiety meds are you on? I'm trying to be patient and probably would be able to handle it better if I didn't have an 18 yr old daughter baggering me about living with me and going to college by me. She hasn't lived with me full time in like 5 years except the 6 months we tried last summer/fall. I think that is what is tiggering so much of my anxiety right now.

I have found that if you contact the manufacturers of the drugs you can get your meds free. When I was on Lamictal I couldn't afford it even though I had good insurance the co pay was like $75 so I applied and got it free. I am doing the same with my Lyrica for my fibromyalgia. So if my docs give me something that isn't covered I hope I can get that covered for free too. I mean, they want you to take that stuff and they make so much money off of people it's not like they will lose any money paying for it for a few people.

Lynn, I am on abilify and the mood stabilizer is called" "Trileptal", although I take the generic. I know if you go through manufacture it should be covered. Also the anxiety meds are xanex 1mg. All very cheap, except the abilify. You may even will want to go through a psych doctor, through the state, to get them covered.
I relate with your daughter also, mine is eleven and back and forth between her father and I and it is stressful, can not imagine her at 18!
Have you tried to go on chat yet? We all go on in the evenings. I am sure someone could give you more advice about how you would get help, plus it is nice to vent to people that understand. I hope to see you there, Lynn, take care..
Leslie

hi new comer, i pretty new to this site also. but it was really ironic to read about your condition, since my son is dating a girl who i think has borderline persoality. First we didn't know she was a , also has RA since childhood. a mom that is bi-polar, and she is just miserable all the time. only time she's happy when doing retail therapy. a friend of mine gave me a book called "i hate you-dont leave me(understanding the borderline personality. written by jerold j. kreisman,m.d. i haven't read it yet just got it today. but she is extremely hostile, nothing makes her happy very depressed, moody and physicallly abusive to my son....so i don't think he''s going to be with her much longer. he himself is struggling with being a recovering  addict, and stress like this could and may trigger a relapse. not healthy all the around. well good luck to you, maybe u can find the book at the library. have a nice day, sue

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 6/12/2011 4:13:59 PM (GMT-6)

HI Mazel Tov and Lynn71,

I had to edit a little bit out of your posts as we aren't allowed to discuss self harm, suicide or illegal drugs. Sorry, but I have to follor the rules. I am sure that you both will understand. Life's situations can be so difficult at times. And I hope that you both can find happiness and inner peace, free of the anxiety that we all experience. I hope that you both are having a wonderful day.

Take care,

Hugs, Karen

thanx for the reply, i am worried about her, but can not approach the problem. kinda intrusive if you know what i mean, but will call her mom tomorrow, want to get the low down from her. i know for sure her mom is BPD is it genetic??? Im feeling really anxious about all it. I just told my son to be kind and supportive. patient and try not to trigger any fights. I wanted to give him the book but i think i'll read and relate. i hope your present situation will calm down for you. it's so stressful being a mother, i have 3 and grandmother to one 7 1/2 yr. old. my daughter d her son will be visiting me in a few weeks. so exited to see them. hasn't been since november.2010. so excited. but now living with my momsym who is 82 and getting really crankie, and always was controlling and mean. a recovering alcoholic, who i truely think she has some kind of chemical disorder. i just read the list of indications of personality symptoms and she looked at me and said well that basiclly sums me up. well i then said perhaps you could use an antidepressant, but she thinks all i want her to do is take meds. she recently came down with high blood pressure. was on premerine for 25 years. not sure if that was related to or not. but since takes a very low low low dose of xanax she always has a headacke and is very depressed and lonely. my dad died in 92. she's very well off, but money doesn't make you happy. after 18 years in AA still no serenity. she still has a ball of rage in her stomach, since i became sick i now know what my dad had to put up with all his life. unbelievable. he died of liver cancer. they say only the good die young....that may be true.... well, good luck, keep posting, stay strong, and you'll figure out what cocktail will work for you, just go low dose and work up. i'm on the lamictal, i think i'll keep real low for awhile and see if my body responds. use common sense. and really try to find a good doctor i know it's not easy. have some faith, it will get better.

I looked it up because this could be part of my problem too but I don't understand the definition in the dictionary.

I went to the site you said and I don't have borderline personality disoder,I think I have more on the lines of a dissasociated disorder which includes depersonalization in addition to my already diagnosed panic disorder

hi to all..... hope everyone is having so far a good week. I started takin the lamital, and i am getting sores is my mouth, so bad woke me out of a sound sleep. it's going on 3 weeks. now and of course my mouth is pounded, not so much my teethe i feel the most pain on my gums. I read side affects and of course that has to happen tp me/ has anyone else experience this symptom??? if so please let me know. it is very paonful and had to double up on my pain meds. thank god i have. warm water and salt went to CVS and bought a pain reliever for canker sores, what it does is temporarly relieve the pain. I'll call my dr. in the morning. good night to all, and sweet dreams.

 hi all regarding lamictal, i don't know if i ate something that may have rubbed my gums wrong. only on the right side. but today subsided a little bit, but i didn't take the lamictal. i don't know but something is telling me to not go ont this med. usually prescribed for BPD. I just have depression and anxiety. I haven't been on it long, but i'm so affraid of the side affects and just one more drug i have to wean off of.my mouth feels a little better today and tonight. so far i don't feel any side effects from not taking the med, maybe because i haven't been on for too long. well thanx for the advise. getting late. i get on the net and before i know it 2 hours go by. the only time i can use it is when my mom goes to sleep. she doesn't know i have the laptop if she did she'd probably turn off the internet service. now she is truely a candidate for lamicatol.lol but that'l never happen, she'd rather get botox.oh well, gotta go, have a busy day 2mro. be well stay positive, and thanx for the replies. xoxoxox

 well i think your side effect was alot more serious than mine. i havent' felt sucidal since my cpk's have been coming down and it looks like i may go into remission with my polymyositis. but in the beginning i was on 60mg. of perdnisone which kept me up all night long, just thinking about everything imaginable. if it weren't for my children and grandson i don't know if i could've made it. and some how some way i found this website which you have no idea how much it has helped me. i am really worried about my son's girlfriend. she didn't tell me all the mental anguish she has gone through or is still going through, and of course i introduced them. well, she and i are not speaking at present date. and actually it's a load of stress off my back, because she would text me all day with complaints about my son. Good grief i told her she should call her friends and vent  i  didn't need to hear all the negativity and drama. stress is a killer for me. i internalize everything and it's not good for my recovery. well like i said before, i need to call her mother. i should've today, but got caught up with other stuff and forgot. 2mro 4sure. well stay well, stay positive reach out and network with people who have similar problems healing from compassionate warm welcoming people from around the world is amazing to me. xoxoxox