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Posted 8/6/2011 7:54 PM (GMT 0)
So it's another day of laying on the couch worrying and staring at the computer. I am constantly scared I am about to die and this is it. I have that feeling of impending death really really bad, never been like this. What makes it worse is a little over a year ago a friend of mine predicted her own death. She would make comments about what she wanted at her funeral and how she felt she was going to die. A couple of days later she died in a car wreck. Is this how she felt? I see know future, everything is the same and bores me every day. I am so anxious all the time I don't leave the house. I take my medications- Zoloft and Wellbutrin, but they don't seem to work anymore. I have Ativan I am not suppose to take every day. I feel better when I take it, but I will run out soon because I have been taking it everyday and the doctor won't up it because he fears I will get dependent on it. He doesn't understand how bad my anxiety is. I start college in a couple of weeks and I don't really seem to care about it. I haven't seen my therapist in 2 months because he had surgery and has been out of the office. I see him this week again. Sorta looking forward to that because I usually feel more optimistic when I talk to him about things. I am so scared to die but so scared to live. I am not sure I can snap out of this. I don't want to die but it just seems like a black cloud over me. Has anyone felt this way? Please any advice or comments?
Posted 8/6/2011 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
Aww... *hugs* hope you feel better soon...  You have a lot going on in your life right now; you already have a known history of anxiety and I suspect life is causing your anxiety to spike.

The fact is regardless of  lifestyle  anyone of us could get hit by a bus or a rouge meteorite at any moment.  For this very reason it is good to practice living in the moment and letting go of the "what ifs?". 

I think you will feel much better when your therapist returns so you can work through your feelings and make some plans to help you get through this tough spell.  As life starts to take on a more regular rhythm and your anxiety continues to improve, your thoughts about death will drift away into the past.

Believe in yourself and know you are going to be OK.

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 8/6/2011 9:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hi sweet and welcome, you sound like your in a real funk at the moment, I'm glad your going back to seeing your therapist next week, you might need your meds adjusted or just upped for a little while till you start to get on top of things...

I'm sorry about your friends death...things like that tend to up our anxiety and make us focus on our own mortality..I don't believe That you are predicting your own death, feeling gloomy and thinking about death is all part of anxiety and depression....I think starting back at college will be a good thing it will get you off the couch and out amongst the real world again.....keep strong and good luck with the therapist....best wishes to you shannon
Posted 8/7/2011 12:29 AM (GMT 0)
Hi and welcome! I am so sorry that you are suffering with so much anxiety at the moment. It also sounds as if you have some depression that is getting you down as well. Anxiety and depression often go together, and are fortunately treatable with therapy...so I am so glad to hear that you are able to resume with your therapist soon!

May I also suggest visiting our Anxiety Resource Guide? It is on the main page of the forum, 3rd post down. It is full of links to all sorts of helpful sites that teach breathing and relaxation exercises that are very helpful. It also has a link to an on-line CBT therapy site called Moodgym. This is a great site for recognizing and changing the negative and fearful thinking that we can all get caught up in. Give these a try, so you can start to feel better soon.

I hope the best for you, and the rest of your summer break. Post anytime, and let us know how you are doing soon:)
Scaredy Cat
Posted 8/7/2011 3:15 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you guys for the responses and good thoughts. I will check out the depression links on this site- thank you. I believe I am feeling this way for another reason I haven't admitted to myself. I am unhappy with my life- I am 25 and in a relationship a real relationship for the first time in my life and we live together. I love him, but I feel smothered and like this is it, this is my life. I feel so trapped and cannot talk to anyone about this because I do not want people to know I am second guessing my relationship. Wow that actually felt better to say out loud. Does this mean I want out of this relationship? Wow I cannot even think right right now. At least the impending death has eased just a little I believe. I am a mess!
Posted 8/7/2011 6:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hi sweet, ok so we have got you off thinking of impending doom that's good...your far to young to die anyway and we need you to stick around here to get to know you better... :-)

Ok relationship issues, I have been married twice so I'm not sure if I'm the best person to give any advice to anyone...lol...I think when you talk to your therapist tell him/her about how you feel about your relationship, and that at times you feel smothered in this relationship....and don't bottle up your feelings, you see you felt better once you said what was really bugging you..it's not healthy to keep everything inside it makes us anxious and feel like we want to explode...

Your not a mess, I absolutely will not hear that... nono You are a person struggling with anxiety, depression and these things are hard...but if you get some help they will become easier....and if you need to talk, vent , scream or just have a shoulder to cry on or someone to have a laugh with we are all here for you....hugs to you shannon
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