Family issues

Big hugs being sent to you Shan!!! Family and relationship issues are a huge trigger for me as well...how could they not be? In fact I never had anxiety issues before I was going through a mess with my oldest and my husband a few years back.

Well your big bro sounds like he needs some setting straight! I suppose you need to do this with the least amount of anxiety fallout for you. Are you your mom's executor? Can you have her/your lawyer talk to him, and get him off your back? How about your husband or another of your siblings?

You need a support system with you to stand up to his bullying. I say that if you are the one who has been caring for your mom, then YOU are the one with her best interests in mind!

Try your best to stay calm, find your support, and you will get this resolved. Then give your mom a big kiss, and yourself a pat on the back!

Let us know how it works out.
S.C.

Shanny,

Well for goodness sake,  just what you need is a nincompoop for a brother right now.  I am wondering the same as SC,  are you assigned as your Mother's legal power of attorney and does anyone have the legal right to just up and sell you Mother's home.  Here, the sale of the home would be counted as your Mother's income and monies would go toward paying for her nursing home care. 

When we’re emotionally charged, we are so much in our heads that we argue out of an impulse to be right, to defend ourselves, for the sake of our egos. Rationality and resolution can rarely arise out of these discussions. If a discussion is necessary, wait until you understand the legal ramifications re what your brother has proposed and then go in with the facts.  Remember your brother is being manipulative and he is looking for something for himself and does not have you or your Mother's best interest at heart. 

I would seek out the council of a Solicitor.  Remember you are stronger then you think and before you react when your brother starts in, simply walk away and tell him you will discuss affairs when he is in a more calm state of mind.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Another threatening phone call...I'm so scared right now....I'm afraid to go to the police because it will make it worse...I'm absolutely shaking with fear, I've just called my husband and begged him to come home..why can't my brother leave me alone?

I don't deserve this, I'm so sick of all of this I truely hate my brother, I'm not going to live my life in fear..I can't I just feel like I'm going to explode at the moment....sorry guys I have to go...I have to try and calm down.....

Hi Shanny

We have not spoken for a while and i'm sorry to read that your anxiety is bad at the moment due to family issues so big hugs sent your way. No need to say sorry for dramatic posts as that is what we are here for to listen and to give support so do carry on posting and tell us how you are getting on.

It sounds to me like you have been of great support to your mum and that your brother is taking his situation out on you and your right it is not your fault he is getting a divorce but you have to think of you and your health so I feel you have made the right decisions.

Keep us informed.

Ben

Wow some friend I am...while all this was playing out for you, I was asleep;o...that's the thing about these darned time zones.

I am so sorry to hear of all of the suffering that you are experiencing, and coming from a family member makes it all the more hurtful:(

I'm glad that you did get the police involved, so that at least it is on record that he is harrassing you, and you are kept safe and sound! I hate that you don't even feel safe going out to walk for fear of a confrontation, but hopefully this will be resolved soon, and you can go back to your normal routine.

Rest assured that you are doing the right thing, and anyone who thinks differently, can let's see...how to put this delicately, hmm there is no way, so use your imagination;p

You are fighting for the right of one who cannot speak for herself, and that is the noblest of all actions. Your mom deserves more than she is getting from your bro, but she is very lucky to have you!

Hang in there. This may be putting your anxiety to the test, but it is one that I know you will pass.

Keep us updated, we are here for you (when awake anyway:P)
S.C.

Oh SC, don't apologize for having to sleep...lol...you have been a great friend to me so never apologize ok...and PT I have kept all the voice mails on my phone and I let the police hear them so they know how nasty he is...

He rang meyesterday on a different phone so I have recorded the two numbers so I won't answer the phone if I see them...I spoke to my ex sister in law and she has been receiving death threats too, so he scaring her as well...

I told her to go to the police too, the more people who complain about him means they might do something if this situation gets completely out of control...

Today I took my mum up to visit my grand baby he is 14 months old and such a darling baby....he made us laugh and smile all day dancing and giving us kisses and hugs..I even got some lovely photos of my mum with her great grandchild...

It was wonderful to get away for the day, my son lives about two hours from where I live...I felt so safe over there..I suppose I will eventually feel safe in my own home again it will just take a little time...

Thank you my friends for your support it means the world to me, even when your asleep and I'm awake I know your still out there...Big hugs to you...your friend shannon

Thank you flash and welcome, yes he is selfish and your right I think his wife finally saying enough is enough has pushed him over the edge, normally he would reach out to me for help but this time he has gone berserk, even though I am the youngest of all my siblings they always seem to lean on me and I tell you it's getting tiring...

I'm not blaming my family for my anxiety but their constant dramas and things are exhausting..i think it is time to distance myself from some members of my family for my own sanity...

And thank you for saying I'm a sweet person I try to help everyone I hate to see or hear about anyone suffering, but I think I have to harden my heart to my family...at least some members of it.....

Hope you are well and again welcome......best wishes to you shannon

Dear Shannon,
You are doing all of the right things to ensure your and your immediate family's happiness. Hang in there!
I received death threats from my husband's ex-wife for about three years. She broke into our home twice. The first time she stole all of my cookbooks. The second time she stole the children's Christmas presents.
I got through it by not taking it personally, informing police, replacing the stolen cookbooks and presents, and installing better locks. I also ran a lot whenever I was freaked out by her behavior. We kept all of this from her children. I didn't want them to be scared of their own mother.
I suspect she would have done it to anyone my husband married. My husband has had full legal and physical custody of their children since they were 18 months and 4-1/2 years old. They had been divorced for quite a while before we became engaged.
Oddly enough, she never threatened him.
Reporting the threats to the police really helped. She left a couple of death threats on the answering machine. The police followed through with collecting all of our information. I did not want to have a restraining order against her because I wanted the children to still have some visitations with her, but I did want a legal record of her behavior.
During the third year, she hired someone to try and kidnap the children from their school. The kidnapper was stopped by the headmaster. He escaped into the woods before the police arrived.
Obviously this woman was in great emotional pain and not thinking straight.
She was convicted and remanded to two years of psychological therapy and probation. After that happened, all of the nastiness slowly stopped and she got on with her life.
It really helped my anxiety level to have a third party (the police and a judge) confront her instead of me or my husband.
I hope your situation improves quickly. You are obviously a warm, generous person who does not deserve such nonsense in your life.
Szm