Heartbroken

I dont know how much more heartbreak I can take. Ever since my divorce, I have gotten my heart broken twice , this last one I am still dealing with. The pain brings so much anxiety.

I am so tired of pain :( I cant catch a break. I keep coming up for air, then get knocked down..
I have the love of my family, and friends, and am so blessed with 2 wonderful children.
The heartbreak I experience over my sons Autism has become a fact of life, but one that brings joys as well, he is my angel.

I have so much love to give, I long for a partner to share this life with, for someone to understand me and me understand them, but I am losing faith that this will happen for me.
I dont go looking for the heartbreak, it just falls into my lap.

I cant take the pain anymore, I want to be numb.

Bubbles, I am sorry to hear that you are hurting. Sometimes there is no way but straight through the fire. Please don't ever think that being numb is better...for it is through the pain that we learn, and are purified and made stronger. It will hurt for awhile, but then you will find the blessing that may have been hidden by the suffering.

Just as you are not looking for heartbreak, neither will necessarily find that special guy when you are looking. There is no rushing these things (sound like a familiar song?) and while it is impossible not to anticipate it, it will happen in it's own time and be so worth the wait.

In the meantime, focus on your family and yourself. Develop and nuture your friendships. Explore your talents and favorite hobbies. In other words, work on the things that are important to you and make you happy.:)

You will find love again, with someone deserving of all of your awesomeness, with much to give in return...keep the faith!

Hugs to you,
Scaredy Cat

@ Gamer thank you for your wonderful 2 cents worth :) Your mom is so right, one has to be whole and on a very concious level I know that one has to be just content with oneself without depending on someone else to make us happy or whole. Thank you for your thoughtful and sweet thoughts.

@Scaredy, I do hope that I can eventually see the blessings in this suffering.. I must admit I have seen it before but you are right, I just have to go through it and persevere. I guess I am just battle weary. The anxiety that I experience with pain makes it a double whammy. I am actually ok with being alone, I also dont really want to get married again. I just would like these destructive men to stay away from me. 2 in a row is tough. I am so tired of being vulnerable, I need to be stronger, and more resilient. I think you are right I need to focus on something for me to do and actually I think I need to find a way of serving others. Take the focus off myself. I am sick of myself.
Thank you so much for all the support you give everyone, God bless :)


@melodee, you may be right I dont know, I just find these men walking into my life, I never seek them and they come through like a tornado. But you are right, I am absolutely blessed, I thank god everyday for the love that I have in my life from friends and family, although I must tell you I live a continent away from them all and only see them once a year. I moved to get help for my son. But nevertheless, I am blessed. I am just in pain and have a hard time because I am so anxious when I am hurt.
I would be happy to be alone, I prefer that to the risk of being subjected to this again. I just need to get over this and then I will make sure to not touch another man with a 10 foot pole lol.
Thank you for your input.

Shanny Big big hug and kiss. :)