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Nervous for doctor appointment

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 1/3/2012 11:23 AM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone, it sure has been a while. Can't say I've been doing very well the last few weeks-- in fact I've hardly left my bedroom. Showering has once again become a frightening thing most times, though on New Years eve I managed to do really well. Wanted to start 2012 off feeling fresh and empowered. Then later on I had a mild panic attack. Ah, well, that's anxiety.

I have decided to see a doctor again and get a little medical help for this. I don't feel that I need to be on an SSRI as I have no plan to be on medication for more than a couple of months, and if that time passes I will switch from benzos and take the appropriate action. Nervous about SSRIs though, as the first and only time I took Lexapro I freaked out completely after half a dose. Not really sure if it was the lexapro or if it was just me, but now I'm scared of most medications. Klonopin is what I would like to try after reading reviews and knowing two people personally that it has worked for without negative side effects.

I really just want to feel normal again, and like my feet are on the ground. I think that with a little help I'll really be able to kick anxiety, but I'm just so tired of the constant struggle with my emotions and thoughts and of course the physical sensations.,


My appointment is Wednesday at 3:30, and luckily my mom is coming with me. When I went about a year ago and got the oeiginal diagnosis I ended up alone in the ER for blood tests, which was the most terrifting experience of my life, as I had no idea what waa going on and why my old doctor sent me to the ER to get blood work. So, of course, I've been apprehensive about going to a doctor ever since. More tests sound awful, but I know that it's just anxiety. I don't wake up from physical symptoms, I wake up and the start to get them. And of course while focused/distracted, I have no real physical symptoms. Regardless, afraid the doc will tell me I have a super rare freaky disease, or that the meds won't work, or that I'll lose my mind on them and have a super rare freaky reaction to them. Guess that's just more anxiety though, scared to take something, scared to not take something, haha.

Any words of advice/encouragement about seeing the doc, or Klonopin as a low-dose "as needed" med would be greatly appreciated. Hope all of you had a joyous holiday and new year =)

All my love,
Em


PS: Sorry for any weird misspellings, I've typed all this from my bed, on my phone, at 3am. Oh, how anxiety keeps us up, huh? Lol
Posted 1/3/2012 12:33 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning EmAeye,

As I read your post I was flooded with memories from back when I was first diagnosed with this disorder. Unfortunately, it tool two years to be diagnosed (it wasn't as well known back then) before I got any sort of relief.

I'm sorry to hear you are not doing well presently, but you sound in fairly good spirits and motivated to get this under control so that is great! Anxiety and panic can be controlled and even expunged without medication. If you work really hard at CBT with or without a therapist, you can get your life back. But when I say you need to work really hard, I mean harder than you have ever worked in your life (at least, that's how it is for me. But I also have some extenuating issues to deal with).

When I was first diagnosed, I was terrified of meds, mainly due to the possibility of becoming addicted to them. I waited seven long and horrible years before finally going on an SSRI. I had taken small doses of Xanax before, but only on an "as needed" basis. Be warned, benzos can be very helpful, but they are highly addictive. As for SSRIs, they can be difficult getting both on and off the drug, due to side effects (once you survive them though, if the drug works it can work really well). When I finally went on Paxil, the first two weeks were sheer torture, but then the beneficial parts of the drug kicked in and allowed me to lead a fairly normal life for eight years or so (then it pooped out on me, but that's another story).

I'm currently on Klonopin which has a long half-life which is great, but I would caution you that it does have addictive properties and there can be withdrawal symptoms. I was taking the drug "as needed" but my doctor, recently discouraged by my lack of progress (I can be difficult;),) told me to take it as prescribed (twice per day, 1mg each time). But everyone is different.

I'm glad you will have a support person with you at the doctor's, that is always helpful. Also, with anxiety, it is normal to assume that you will be diagnosed with something horrible, but remember, those diagnoses are actually quite rare - anxiety, not so much.

I hope this reply has not frightened you further, but taking meds is a big decision and should not be taken lightly. Remember to tell your doctor all of your concerns regarding SSRIs and benzos as well as the anxiety symptoms you have demonstrated (including being afraid of showering at times). I would also seriously consider seeing a therapist or at least look into some self-help workbooks that may help you better understand what you're going through, what your options are, and how to ultimately beat it.

Best of luck and Happy New Year!

DarkWolf
Posted 1/3/2012 5:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Em and welcome back!

Excellent advice given by D.W., so I will just say that you have our support, and we are cheering you on!

I know that you will be able to do very well, no matter what decision that you and your doctor make. I can sense hope and a willingness to recover in your writing:)

It is great that your mom is going to your appointment with you! I am 41 and still have someone accompany me to most of my appointments, Lol! Imagine all of us with you there as well, and you will have too many supporters to fit in the exam room;p

Let us know how it goes okay?

Hugs and high-fives,
S.C.
Posted 1/4/2012 12:37 AM (GMT 0)
DarkWolf, thank you for your input! I know that starting, or even stopping, medication is a serious issue and I have gone back and forth over the issue for several months. I've also done a lot of research on anti-anxiety medications, and really think Klonopin will work for me. I had taken Ativan for a couple of days, however the effects dropped off about 3 or 4 hours after taking one, and they made me really, really tired. I think that because Klonopin is long lasting, but still mild, it will work well for me.

My anxiety is not at all as bad as it used to be, and if anything I feel I'm at the tail end of this whole crazy rollercoaster called anxiety. I am very hopeful and willing to change my thoughts and behaviors, but after a year of working to get where I am now (no longer just sitting around shaking, or having panic attacks for "no reason") I really just want something to help me get back to normal as I continue to work. I find anxiety is like an addiction almost, so I just want something to help really kick the habit.

I would love to do CBT and see a therapist, however the funding for that is not available to me yet. It was a tough decision, going to an md and getting meds, or going for a single session of cbt right now. I will definitely look into workbooks though!
Again, thank you very much =)


S.C,
Thanks for your words of support! I will definitely imagine everyone there with me. Thinking of a room of uncomfortable, understanding people really sounds better than thinking I'm the only one there on edge lol.

I will definitely update everyone after tomorrow (unless I'm too busy finally living life! Lol).

Thanks all,
Em
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