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...I lost my job. I'm terrified.

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Posted 1/11/2012 10:07 PM (GMT 0)
Which is funny because I last posted about having too much to do to be able to focus. And now all I have is time.

We're going to have next to nothing. He's working, thank God, but the job is destroying him and I really am afraid that he's going to break somehow. Especially over this because I've looked over everything and really...yeah.

We've been in this situation before - neither of us could find work, living in the back of beyond in Ireland. Our hot water was turned off once. There was no heating.

And I thought that was over. I have a flipping master's degree!!

How could I let this happen when he's just in such a bad place?

The last 2 days have just been whitehot panicky shrieking in my head and it's like something's tripped in there entirely and my physical reactions have taken over, I can't read or make sense of anything or think or plan or just. God. I was walking home from the welfare office today and it was like the ground wasn't even solid. It was hard to walk.

I have to pay for my meds tomorrow and it's €120. I'm considering going cold turkey.

I mean how can this happen. He has a degree too. It's just. It's so so unfair.
Posted 1/12/2012 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
CW,

I am so very, very sorry to hear you have lost your job and I wish I had the right words of wisdom and comfort to help you.  If there is someway to keep on taking your meds it would be a good thing.  Are you eligible now for help from you government re health care and benefits of any sort ?

Please know we are all here for you and keep on talking to us as you need to get out your fears and anxiety.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Posted 1/12/2012 5:08 AM (GMT 0)
Hi CW,

:(:(:( This is bad news, and I am sorry that it happened to such a hardworking and cool person...you're right it is not fair.:(

You may not be feeling it at the moment, but you will bounce back from this, and probably end up with something even better than you had.

You can't take the next oppurtunity unless you are looking for, and now you will be in a position to do so.

Keep posting with all of the venting you may need to do, and know that we are here to support you, and help you keep going:)

Hugs going out your way,
S.C.
Posted 1/12/2012 4:08 PM (GMT 0)
yeah I went and got the meds :) it's gone up from €120 to €135! Madness.

I'm sitting on the couch trying to gather myself for some hardcore window cleaning. Sometimes maybe wallowing in self pity or fear or depression even is easier than taking steps to do something about how you feel.

OK. Listening to Eric Clapton is making me want to stop being such a baby and go do stuff (ie the windows). Something, anything; just keep busy.

Then I'm going to learn how to write a query letter, and I'm going to spend a few hours trying to find an agent.
Posted 1/12/2012 6:35 PM (GMT 0)
That's the spirit! Well done on getting up and at 'em today.:) I would have been tempted to stay in bed with the covers over my head...so I am impressed with your motivation!

Are you thinking of writing? What kind of writing do you do? Maybe this will actually give you the oppurtunity to do the project that you have always wanted to.

Keep us posted.
S.C.
Posted 1/12/2012 9:22 PM (GMT 0)
I swing between being gung ho and thinking I can get over it and move on and then hiding in the bathroom with the door locked. I'm going to be in the house for hours and hours every day alone.

We really aren't going to get much money at all.

And yeah, I write. Short stories at the moment. You can pre-order issue 2 of a magazine that I have a story in here: http://apt.aforementionedproductions.com/print-subscriptions/
Just saw the proofs yesterday :)
Posted 1/12/2012 11:30 PM (GMT 0)
You are doing awesome.  You are getting things done and don't worry about the down moments as I do that all the time.  I can feel strong and positive and then my "crazy thinking" kicks in and I am in the "Who am I kidding that I am strong enough to beat this?" land of doubts.

A writer, I admire that and what a great outlet for your feelings as well as keeping your mind off your worries.

Don't stay in the house for hours and hours - get out, take a walk,  go window shopping,  if you have a preference  find a church and just sit and feel the peace.  I have a thing for visiting churches when I travel as so  many of them have amazing history. 

Be Well,

Kitt

Posted 1/13/2012 2:44 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah, I have a thing for religious iconography. I have some stuff in my house; a statuette of the virgin of Guadeloupe; a hand-painted wall .. thing .. of St Anthony.

My manager at my previous job said I should email him to talk about getting my job back. It's filling me with terror, and I don't know why. I mean, a job is what I want, right?

But I've been editing today and when I have a job I'm so tired all the time... What is *wrong* with me. First I'm freaking because I lost one and now I'm freaking because I have to email someone.

Thank you both of you for your ongoing support.

hugs!!!
Posted 1/13/2012 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
CW,

I understand what you are feeling.  Perhaps making a list of the pros and cons of your previous job and why you left it will help you in deciding if you want to go down that road again. 

Also looking at your financial position and deciding if it is feasible that you can look for another position that is more to your liking.

All of this has happened very fast for you and it crosses my mind that you have hardly had time to process everything yet.  I don't think there is anything wrong with you.  I suspect you are just feeling torn between the many decisions you must make and that your feelings are normal for this point in time.

Sending you good vibes and know I am here to support you.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt 

Posted 1/14/2012 8:21 PM (GMT 0)
I've been applying for copywriting positions. These don't come up often and it's odd that suddenly there's a few of them so maybe it's a good sign - ?

Everything did happen very fast. Also the way the media is pushing how screwed we are on us all the time (in Ireland), it's adding to my panic. Half a million people are on the dole right now.

I'm feeling a bit calmer. I've been putting off calling my landlord because I hate talking to people on the phone (which is odd considering I used to work in tech support). Just about the rent supplement (which I don't think I'm going to get).

My friends are doctors (three of them) and a lawyer and my ex-boyfriend works for the american chamber of commerce and I feel like a spare part, really. I can't even afford a car.

I just feel I must have gone down the wrong path in my life, somewhere - taken the wrong turn. I know that people would say, yeah but you've been through so much and survived and they haven't, but it's not really the issue, is it? I wish I'd never been sick. I wasted a year in bed. It really does make you realise how much this stuff can eat up your life.

Thanks for listening :)
Posted 1/15/2012 12:30 AM (GMT 0)
No, not wasted time...neccessary time. Would you consider it wasted time if it had been more of a physical illness/injury/surgery, ect...Probably not. You may still feel frustrated, but you would chalk it up to the stuff that life doles out, right?

This is no different...and look at the things that you have learned along the way, about yourself and how to take care of you:)

This writing opportunity...is it something that you love doing? Then you are the successful one among your friends and peers!

Keep on keeping on...things are going to work out allright. You just need to stay in motion and keep the momemtum up:P

Take care,
S.C.
Posted 1/17/2012 8:41 PM (GMT 0)
hey :) I was away for a few days because I was trying to keep busy, flitting about here there and everywhere.

I just finished a yoga session on the xbox kinect and am trying to cool down.

I really think sometimes that exercise is all us people need. Or to clean the house. Cleaning always makes me feel better (my house is spotless....OCDmuch?)...

I feel calm now. I was very depressed earlier and nothing seemed right and I was interested in nothing. I just wanted to sleep. But I put the laundry on and did the yoga thing and I feel pretty good (could be the chocolate my partner bought me though :D)

all my love


Wallaby.
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