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Worst anxiety in years!

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Posted 2/9/2012 11:17 AM (GMT 0)
For the past week I've been having the worst anxiety I've had in years. I've always been crippled with it on and off for the last 40 years but this week has really been the most debilitating. And having health anxiety to boot makes me sure I have some nervous system disorder , brain tumor, thyroid cancer, or some other deadly disease that's making it so bad. I'm shaky all over and can't seem to make these panicky feelings go away. I talk to myself all the time and for a few minutes I calm down, but without warning the fear and shakiness wash over me again. I'm was taking a half a .5 Xanax for the past few years because my most severe anxiety always comes when I wake up in the morning but for the last week I've had to take a half pill three times a day and I really don't like doing that - I always want to feel I can conquer these feelings myself without help - but obviously right now that's not working. I've also noticed that my hair is thinning out suddenly over the last few months, my mouth is always dry and I feel fatigued like I never used to. Do you think that could be thyroid? Being so doctor phobic (convinced if I go he'll tell me I'm dying of some dreaded disease) I haven't gone to have my blood checked and wish I could muster up the courage to act like a grownup (I am 64) but I get paralyzed with fear at even the thought of going to a doctor. In many ways I'm really ashamed of myself for being such a coward. I know and have heard of many people who have truly horrible illnesses who get through them with such courage and grace yet I can't seem to do what I know I should and go to a doctor. I'm working with my psychiatrist on this issue but we just seem to talk and talk about it and I never actually make the move. Anybody out there who can instill me with some courage?? So I know alot of my anxiety is being plagued with the what if's as so many of us do but this is something where I'm possibly jeopardizing my own health yet it still doesn't make me make the move. Ironically I've been very healthy all my life, even though I've always THOUGHT I had some terminal illness but now that I'm at age 64 I'm convinced it's got to be something serious this time. I've said it before and I'll say it again....anxiety is such a terrible curse and so overwhelming to conquer. I'm so glad I have this forum to vent on....it calms me down everytime I come here.
Posted 2/9/2012 4:51 PM (GMT 0)
andwes

I wrote you a great post and once again the site burped and when I hit submit the screen wanted me to log in and then it would not let me so you have a great post out there on the super highway somewhere.

Most of all I wanted to let you know you are not alone and I have a 30 year historyof anxiety/depression so I do understand how you feel.

I think you may be onto something as far as having your thyroid checked but first you have to make that appointment and see your Dr.

Why do we experience anticipatory anxiety? I think it’s because the panic response is over-zealous about doing its job: trying to locate any danger, in order to protect us. When it can’t find any danger in the present, it looks into the future. Sometimes, the only possible “danger” it can find is something you haven't done yet! 

Any scenario we are able to imagine is nothing more than speculation and fabrication. In reality if we do have some dreaded health problem there is nothing we can do about it other then to accept it and fight to beat it ! I have had 5 skin cancers removed.  I remember the day I received the call that my biopsies were positive for skin cancer - which floored me as usually any tests are negative and know reason is found for something I have a concern about. That day I googled the heck out of the different skin cancers until I wore myself out and decided all the info on the net would not change the fact that I would have to do whatever it took to remove the skin cancers. And so I did.

I wish you peace and hope you are soon feeling less anxiety.

Kindly,

Kitt


 

 

Posted 2/9/2012 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
Hi andwes,

I am so sorry that you are struggling with this, I have similar thoughts and fears as well.

It is time for me to go and do my yearly check-ups, and it absolutely fills me with anxiety to think of making the appointment. I really have no reason to fear it, except for the what-ifs, like you mentioned.

The only thing that I can suggest is to take it in stages. Think about making an appointment, and envision a positive outcome. Imagine how much relief you will feel when you finally get it done, and the fear of the unknown is over! Our own imaginations can come up with something worse than reality most of the time!

If you want, we can make a buddy pact...I have been putting off my call since I receive the notice to make the appointment almost two weeks ago now. We can hold each other accountable.:)

I hope that you have a better time with the anxiety soon. I know it is hard when it decides to 'kick it up a notch' inexplicably. Double up on your relaxation/breathing/coping mechanisms...the things that work to bring down your stress the most.

Take care (and let me know if you want to make a pact...I'll even go first!)

S.C.
Posted 2/9/2012 5:54 PM (GMT 0)
Dear Scaredy Cat (that should have been MY handle...it fits me to a tee): Anyway, thanks for your and stkitt's kind and valuable responses. My first step has to be CHOOSING a doctor. Having such a phobia about it, I know it will have to be woman and I'll need to do some sleuthing to make sure she's not only good, but patient (she'll have her hands full with me). Once I do that and make an appointment I will probably push it out quite a ways to "psych" myself up to getting in there. One of my dearest and closest girlfriends has already agreed to go with me because I know I'll be a basket case. How many people do you know that have a dreaded fear of even having their blood pressure taken - ridiculous but that's me. Then, of course, it soars (I'm the true definition of having White Coat Syndrome I guess). Anyway, it's been so many years since I've been to a doctor that I'm sure at age 64 I've a multitude of things wrong and my biggest fear of all is having my three boys (especifally my 20 year old) know their mom has anything serious. I raised Wes alone and we are VERY close so that just adds to my high anxiety about getting any bad news. I've smoked for years and know that I probably have COPD (at the very least) becaue I can't walk up a flight of stairs without being out of breath so I know that going in for blood work to check the thyroid is going to balloon into alot more tests, etc. But I will take it one step at a time and try my darndest to be brave....as I said before, I really hate being a coward. I feel I've let my kids down by not taking care of myself over the years and not quitting smoking like they've all asked but I don't think they realize how anxiety filled I've been during their lifetime, as I've always tried to hide it. I guess all thesee things are catching up with me and causing all this recent anxiety. It's funny though...for the last hour my heart has been beating like crazy and I was sure I was headed for a stroke/heart attack but then I sit here and vent for awhile and, for the time being, the heartrate slows down again and I feel calm. You've got a great thing going here and Healing Well is the perfecft name! Thanks for all your support and compassion. Andrea
Posted 2/9/2012 9:28 PM (GMT 0)
Andrea

I am glad you were able to get comfort from SC's post.

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 2/10/2012 1:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Andrea,

Wow, reading your posts is like reading my own! And I'm right where you are right now. I need to go to the dentist and I'm beyond terrified!! My panic has been out of control for weeks and especially bad the last few days as I have two very good opportunities to go either tomorrow or Monday and that puts so much more pressure and intensifies the anxiety so much. I'm scared to go, but I'm scared that if I don't it will be a while before I have another chance or that the tooth will get worse and I'll have to have another root canal. Plus I'm just so sick of thinking about and worrying over it that I'd just like to get it done and be free of it.

I'm terrified of doctors and especially the dentist, and I totally freak when they want to take my blood pressure which is always high because I'm so afraid of it. I actually have a diagnosis of "White Coat Syndrome" on my chart!! :) I'm terrible with the anticipatory anxiety as well. I make myself so crazy that I've had to cancel appointments because I'm to panicked to even get out the door.

I've been having the same thoughts this week about the fact that I'm 45 years old and can't go the the dentist, what the heck is wrong with me? It seems so ridiculous, but that's how I am. It's a sad feeling when I have to ask my 22 year old daughter to take me to the dentist or doctor because first I don't drive anymore (because of panic) and second there's no way I could go alone. It's humiliating, especially if I can't cope and have to cancel...I feel like such a failure. Thankfully, my daughter is amazing and completely understands since she's been around it her whole life, but still it's not the way it's supposed to be.

I truly hope that you can find the courage to get an appointment and that I can too :) I absolutely know how hard it is before, but I also know the amazing feeling of accomplishing it and how wonderful the relief is! Keep posting and I'll be around if you want to talk, we sound a lot alike. Hugs for you!
Jacquie
Posted 2/10/2012 1:34 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning, all.

I don't know if this helps, but I hope you (and everyone else with this kind of anxiety) can find at least a little solace, and maybe a little resolve in this.

I've suffered from exactly the same fear for a long time, and I put off going to the doctor when I knew I needed to go. Well, it turns out, once I finally went, that I needed a lot of work done on my teeth (including a dreaded surgical extraction!), some blood testing for various things, and I'm currently waiting for results from an echo about a heart murmur. Am I worried? Sure, no question about it. However, I want to really express just how relieving it is to finally go and get these things taken care of. It was surprising, but once I had made the appointments and actually showed up for them, there was relief just in knowing that I was going to be around people that would do everything they could to make sure that I get taken care of.

I even went through with my extraction in December. My BP (which is NEVER high), was really high that day--I was terrified. Everyone that saw me in that office, assistants and surgeons... they all told me that high BP was perfectly normal for everyone that sits in the dental chair and I had nothing to worry about. After that, my following appointment for getting four fillings at once was CAKE.

And I am so, so, so glad that I got that out of the way... trust me, it's worth it not to have that cloud hanging over me anymore. The anxiety was harder on my body and mind than anything that's actually been wrong with me.   

Do like Cat suggested... have a buddy system about it, make a deal to go, and I assure you that you'll be glad you did. Even if you do need to be treated for something, it's better that you know sooner rather than later, right? It's never too late to get help for anything, and doctors WANT to make you better, so they'll work their butts off to do exactly that.

Good luck to all of you, make those appointments, and come back and tell us all about it! :)

Post Edited (RisaA) : 2/10/2012 6:42:36 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/10/2012 4:12 PM (GMT 0)
Okay, so my daughter is on her way here right now and I'm hoping to get to the dentist for this filling. I'm beyond terrified, but funny enough I feel exactly the way Rissa just described in her post above. I'm so ready to have this off of my mind and have that tremendous relief that I'm willing to go through the panic to get there! I know it won't be easy, but it's 45 minutes out of my life and after the last month of being anxious, and the last week of being panicky, over this, 45 minutes doesn't seem too bad.

Please send prayers, good thoughts, smiles, sunshine, good juju...whatever you've got...I need all the help I can get. :)
Posted 2/10/2012 4:25 PM (GMT 0)
Good luck, Junebug! Don't worry--fillings really aren't that bad. I never feel any pain. Tell us how it went!
Posted 2/10/2012 6:08 PM (GMT 0)
Went in to the dentist and the first words out of his mouth are "well, we might be sending you for a root canal"...total panic!!! Then he took x-rays, tapped my teeth and decided I just need two fillings. Um, yeah, lets do the actual investigative work before we send me over the edge please! They are down a dentist today and he was super busy, so now I'm home and have to go back between 1:30 and 2:00 to have the fillings done. Uggghhh! I finally get myself there and go through all that anxiety just to have to do it all over again in an hour and a half. I am much more calm right now and hopefully I'll stay calm to go back. This may have worked out to my advantage...guess we'll see. I was super panicky when I was there, and worried that I wouldn't be able to make it through, so maybe now I'll be more calm and this will be easier this way. I'll let everyone know when I get home. Thanks for the support Rissa!
Posted 2/10/2012 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
No worries, and sorry you have to go back! They did that to me with getting my echo done, those punks!

But you'll be okay, and you'll be much happier to have it over with by the end of today! We'll be awaiting your triumphant return!


Every sentence in this post ends with an exclaimation point!

-Risa!
Posted 2/10/2012 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
Andwes,

I'm 33 years old and have also been experiencing dry mouth and hair loss the past few months, I'm fine, have been to the doc and had all work ups done and a few more, the best advice I can give ya is an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, very wise words there, I'm not trying to scare you, I think you will be just fine, I just think these are wise words everyone should heed, one thing I've noticed about your generation is, they don't believe in going to the doctor as much as my generation, I think a lot of it may have had something to do with money, or just that's how it was back then, don't go unless you lose an arm, I think its a good thing that you are working towards going, and I can't wait to hear how it went when you do, I bet ya 5 dollars you will be fine!

-Jessie
Posted 2/10/2012 9:10 PM (GMT 0)
Home!!!! Done!!! The relief is amazing! I'm so glad that I went and just did it. No more thinking about it, no more anxiety.

Andrea, it's not easy to face the fear, but it is so worth it in the end. I'm rooting for you to find your doctor and get that appointment. Keep all of us informed!!! I know you can do it! :)
Posted 2/10/2012 9:13 PM (GMT 0)
Good for you, Junebug! And great example to follow. If you can do it, the rest of us worriers can do it, too. Hop to it, people! :D
Posted 2/10/2012 9:42 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Rissa! I know that everyone can do this. I was honestly having major panic attacks every day this week over it, which just got worse today when I made the decision to do this. It wasn't easy, I was panicked at the first appt., but had calmed down quite a bit while being home and was just a bit anxious when I went back. It went so much quicker than I thought and the staff there was amazing to me.

I truly hope that others can face their fears and get to the appointments they need too. It's important to keep tabs on your health, but it's honestly so good for your mental health to face those fears and have the feeling of accomplishment.

All of you that need to get to appointments, keep posting and let all of us help you through the anxiety/panic. It helped me so much to have Rissa supporting me!!!
Posted 2/12/2012 2:09 PM (GMT 0)
I'm so proud of you Junebug for conquering your fears! Just yesterday I was driving in the car and I had a very short-lived calmness come over me about going for blood work...it just seemed so silly and childish to be so afraid. That feeling didn't last very long of course and since I've been dealing with this horrible unexplained anxiety this past week, it didn't help my determination to see a doctor this week. But I'm taking the first steps by finding a compassionate female doc who might at least understand my White Coat Syndrome more than I think any man might. I know deep down that once I go...no matter WHAT the outcome, I will feel relief, as nothing can be worse than the anxiety I go through over it. I've often asked whether I'd rather have anxiety or something physical, and the answer is always "physical." At least there might be a shot at a cure but with anxiety it seems there is no escape. But I'll keep posting here and updating you on my progress. I want to have the doc take one step at a time with me though....if I had to go through a full physical right now, BP, chest exray, stress test, you name it....I think that would be too much for me to handle. So I'll try to convince whoever treats me to do one thing at a time....preferably the blood work to rule out the thyroid thing I'm so convinced I have.....that poor doctor doesn't know what they're in for with me LOL!!! Thanks for all your kind words of support...it seems the only time recently that I fee completely calm is when I'm on this site.
Posted 2/12/2012 3:25 PM (GMT 0)
andwes,

That is actually a very good idea! One little thing at a time. Finding a doctor who is willing to work with you and take baby steps will be the key.

Did you know that you can and should interview your doctor? You are 'hiring' them to do the most importat job for you afterall!

You can set up an interview/initial consultation...and if they are unwilling or hurried/distracted, then you know to move on to the next 'applicant'.

This should also give you a feeling of choice and control over the situation:)

Good luck, you are getting closer just by thinking about it.:)

S.C.
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