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Posted 2/12/2012 11:18 PM (GMT 0)
Does anyone else here have trouble making eye contact with people? I'm able to do it for a second, but then I instinctively look away or start blushing uncontrollably. This happens with both men and women. Does anyone here have any tips on how to establish eye contact with people?
Posted 2/13/2012 3:10 AM (GMT 0)
http://www.amazon.com/Self-help-Social-Phobia-Anxiety-Disorder/lm/16TBH8GDMLM7Dhttp://

Hi and welcome!

This sounds like it would fall into the social anxiety category. It this a problem all of the time? Or do you find that it is always the case...I just ask because for me, it only used to happen occasionally.

I used to be shy, but as I have gotten older, I have become more confident, but this used to be a big deal. I was a blusher too, and would have to look away from direct eye contact sometimes when I was not feeling particularly confident, or if I was in a threatening situation.

I wish that I had recognized that I could have gotten some help for this sooner. I just eventually grew out if it, especially since my work and hobbies usually require me to be very outgoing...but in reality, I am still an introvert...just one who has learned to adjust to do the things that I need and want to do.

There are books on social anxiety that you could read and get some help from. I will post some titles for you here if you want to look into them.

I wish you the best with this...and btw...this is a great place, I hope that you will continue to post with us...we have great people here and you can get awesome support and meet others with similar struggles...no eye contact required;p

Talk to you soon,
Scaredy Cat

p.s. I put a link at the top of the page for you.  A list of books on overcoming social anxiety.

Posted 2/13/2012 10:56 AM (GMT 0)
Hi

Good to meet you and welcome to the forum. I can relate to this one as I have trouble maintaining eye contact with people including friends and family SC is right it could be down to social anxiety which I have been diagnosed with but for me it is down to having Aspergers Syndrome.

Have you ever considered CBT was is a talking therapy? This does get good results in helping deal with anxiety.


Hibee
Posted 2/14/2012 12:37 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks to both of you for the replies. I was diagnosed 10 years ago with social anxiety disorder. I've struggled with it since I was a young kid. I have tried medication and talk therapy. I've made a lot of progress, but I still have some hurdles to overcome. Mostly, I think I need to look less afraid and more relaxed so I will be more approachable. Making good eye contact with people is one of the main things I'm working on because it is so important to establishing communication. I also have trouble speaking loud enough for people to hear me.

I quit taking medication about 2 years ago because it
made me lazy and complacent. Now I try to channel my anxiety into useful activities like exercising, cleaning and working. Also I have a therapist whom I see regularly. She helps me analyze my destructive thought patterns and gives me a different perspective on things. It seems to be working, but I still have a long way to go.
Posted 2/14/2012 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
I am the same way and while I know its because of my social anxiety, I worry that people may see it as rude or that I'm untrustworthy which is so far from the truth. Like SC I have learned over time to maintain eye contact more it still gets hard depending on the situation.
Posted 2/14/2012 2:42 AM (GMT 0)
How were you able to do it, if you don't mind my asking? My first instinct is to look away, and if I force myself to do prolonged eye contact (more than 2 seconds), I always start blushing.
Posted 2/14/2012 2:40 PM (GMT 0)
I just eventually grew out of it...but I wish that I could have gotten some help earlier, and I am sure that you don't want to wait and chance that either.

I didn't have trouble with eye contact and blushing all of the time, but when I would get really nervous, I would flush all across my neck and chest. I took to wearing things that didn't expose that area, or I would accessorize with a scarf!

Besides the therapy, which is great btw!...what about taking a speech or drama class at your local community center/school? This may be the push that you need to help your situation.

I got into performance oriented things, hobbies, even my job...and I don't have the issues anymore, because it just eventually became less of a trigger for my symptoms.

You may even want to ask your therapist about a possible group that deals with social anxiety. You would most likely be working together on your issues such as eye contact. Knowing that you were working with someone with a similar problem could make the experience less threatening, and you could practice your skills in a safe environment!

Best wishes with this, post anytime (talking about it helps!) and let us know how you are doing soon!

S.C.
Posted 2/14/2012 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
I too have social anxiety and avoided eye contact. I mostly got over it now but every now and than I fall into old habits. My problem with eye contact is that I was afraid that when someone looks into my eyes, they will view me as a fake. Which is what I feel like half the time even tho I am probably the most genuine person you would ever meet. I feel as if they can read my mind and know how uncomfortable I am in certain situations. Also, I have anxiety with the opposite sex. Not my husband obviously. Some guys view eye contact as an invitation and it sets off my anxiety.

Like SC, I started getting in performance things. I was a girl scout leader for 4 years. At first, it was tough to get up in front of everyone but I got better and better with practice.
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