Guys, I am new to this and a little confused and overwhelmed but what I am seeing written here and the amount of people posting similar symptoms has really given me a sense of relief. I have a lot of responsbility and stress in my life and I am sort of the patriach of my family that everyone comes to with problems or fixes. about
a month ago I felt overwhelmed and thought I was going to pass out. I calmed down and was okay but it played with my mind. Then I had two episodes at work where I got so stressed I couldn't breath and felt like I was going to die, my heart was racing, I was freezing and sweating at the same time and I had all of these very scarey doom scenarios in my mind. The more I tried to used my rational mind the more irrational I became. Fast forward two week later, I was quickly pacing my house and eventually outside my door, throwing up and asking for help. My partner took me to the hospital where I was convinced I was going to be told how I was going to die. He checked my heart, lungs blood and even checked for a stroke. Everything was exceptionally healthy. It was panic and anxiety, but secretly I already knew that from previous therapy. My feelings were unbelivable levels of fears, shortness of breathe - for days, an anxious sensation in my thighs pain in my back, and adrenaline overdosing my body. The doctor gave me,Lorezapm 1M 3 times a day and I don't remember anything else for the remainder of that day....I hated that but I just use it for sleeping now as it makes me really drowzy. After reading all of the things that peopole have said in here, I feel so much better. I feel like I am not alone. I have sat down so many times and just cried my eyes out, even typing this I just feel like I am dizzy and falling into my my computer screen. I have been highly irritable, and impatient - i didn't sleep well the night before last and while I was food shopping with my elderly mom, I felt an attach coming on - suddenly dizzy and couln't breathe, weak legs and i just wanted to flee. I had to finish my shopping and run out the door. I am a fitness nut, and when I have been afraid to work out because I am afraid of sparking something in my heart that will cause me to die and no one will know who I am when i fall over, and no one will no for days that I died. Its totally irrational and I understand it but its still scary. BUT and here it the big BUT, I know this is temporary, I know that I have the inner strength to address this, conquer this and look back on it hopefully very soon as being in the past. I just feel ashamed that its not happening fast enough. I am sometimes afraid to feel good because when i do...the anxiety will come back . Does anyone else feel that? Sometimes I feel like an idiot. I am 47 years old and last nigth I sat down and just held my elderly mothers hand as I cried like a child to be rid of this. But even doing that, I know that this is a temporary condition until I find the right balance and confidence in my heart and my mind to overcome fears that simply don't exist or wont come true. Of those fears...the greatest is being vulnerable but not knowing what i am vulnerable to. I know I am not crazy, I know that its a matter of re-learning, I know its a matter of digging into my brain and stopping the catastrophe's. I could really use the encouragement. This is such a cathartic outlet. Years ago i went through therapy for depression and at that time when I began the therapy I didn't think I would ever feel better, but I did and I thrived in my life. Now I am back in therapy with the same therapist, and I know I am going to conquer this. I hope everyone lends me support and that i can lend them support as well.