Hi everyone - I'm new here (just joined tonight) and came here looking for people who know how I feel because they have been there.
I have suffered from anxiety and depression for years and for the last 5 years I was on Zoloft (sertraline) 50 mg/day until recently I made the MISTAKEN decision to go off it. I was having trouble remembering to take it as consistently as I should so I thought - well I haven't been taking it right anyway, I'm going to go off it completely. OOPS. It has been a couple of months and I thought I was doing okay but now I realize that some things I thought weren't related were actually probably from Zoloft withdrawal.
I seem to go long periods of time without having to really worry about anxiety or depression. It may or may not be because of the (fairly) steady use of Zoloft over the last 5 years. But what happens to me is this: Sometimes I'll feel anxiety coming on and I can just shut it down. But other times it's like the idea "catches hold" in my head and I go through a week-or-so-long bout of anxiety that makes me unable to do much of anything useful. I can force myself to try to hide it from my kids and I still am able to do what I have to as far as taking care of them but it's incredibly hard.
I'm always afraid it will never end and I will be "stuck" like this but in the past it has always subsided after a while.
I gave in and went to my primary care doc yesterday. He isn't the one who originally gave me the Zoloft (that was my OBGYN) but he has been prescribing it for a few years now since it seemed to help and keep me fairly even. After talking with him he decided I should see a psychiatrist. I have some OCD symptoms (although this is my first foray into the world of professional diagnoses) and with the anxiety and depression my doc thinks I would be best served by meds in conjunction with therapy and a psychiatrist who can better tailor the meds to me.
Anyway, I guess this is one of the things that is troubling me the most with this new (what I consider to be major) step. I now have to try new meds. Or get back on Zoloft. That would be fine if it weren't for the horrific experience I had adjusting to the Zoloft the first time. I asked my doc if my body would be "used to" Zoloft and maybe I wouldn't experience the same thing... but he said there was no guarantee. When I first started this med I had drastically increased depression and anxiety and had suicidal thoughts. Scary, intense suicidal thoughts. That's the only time in my life I have ever felt suicidal and I am extremely scared of having that sort of a reaction again. I can't help but feel I did something incredibly STUPID by going off a med that seemed to be working fine.
I'm scared of talking to someone about this for the first time (other than the appt with my primary doc yesterday), I'm scared of new meds and I'm scared it won't subside this time. My appt with the new psychiatrist is on Monday and I'm worried about how I'll feel until then and even after.
Sorry this got so long and I hope some of you will still read it and respond!
Thank you.
Post Edited (AnxiousMomma) : 3/28/2012 7:00:27 AM (GMT-6)