Hullo, AnxiousMomma. I was reading these forums for a friend, saw your post, and registered so I could give you a positive story. Everyone's experience may be different, but it's good to know that sometimes people make it out. I wish I'd heard something positive at the beginning, so here we are.
I got panic disorder, depression, and agoraphobia within months of each other, around my 20th birthday. My parents were on top of it, so to speak: it only took a year for us to realize it was not going to get better. By then I was housebound, not eating, Internet-addicted, failing all courses...I'm sure plenty of you relate.
Last weekend, I danced, carefree, in a crowd at my cousin's wedding. I'm panic-free and drug-free. I got my BA and run my own editing business. I go out every day because you don't take mobility for granted when you were once housebound, true?
But there was a hell of a lot in between.
Over a decade. Cognitive therapy and drugs*. Family support, a dude who never left me, people who will willing to talk me through the simplest steps, a companion dog. Relapses with each pregnancy. Despair, suicide watch. Years of diary entries asking what you just asked.
The main things I had to learn:
1) Mental illnesses are as legitimate as broken legs. They are not shameful.
2) Sometimes you'll feel sad or anxious. Expect it, plan for it, and learn to roll with it til you feel better.
3) Take the drugs. Sometimes the chemical issues can be righted and you can taper off, as I did; some people need it all the time, like my husband. It doesn't make you less of a person to take the drugs. When we drink orange juice, we don't complain that we are dependent on vitamin C to have a normal life, right?
4) Don't take the drugs alone. Even if your panic is chemical, your responses can be greatly helped by getting cognitive therapy. A lot of your fear response to panic is learned behavior.
I will say this: as a former agoraphobic, sometimes I feel like a recovered alcoholic. I'm still more self-conscious than most people I know. There is always that slight hesitation before I leave my home. When stressed, I'm always tempted to stay inside. I have to fight it more than I thought I would, even though the actual panic attacks are gone. That said, having gone through this and persevered--and while it took years and I'm far from where I thought I'd be--I sometimes look back and think, wow. I kicked ass! And so can you.
I wish you all the best of luck in your own struggle.
*For the curious, I had to try several drugs before I found a few that worked. Prozac, Effexor, Paxil, Zyprexa, and Klonopin are the ones I remember by name.
Post Edited (Pook) : 7/26/2012 7:39:13 PM (GMT-6)