Anxious anniversaries.

So last weekend, I had a major anxious and emotional breakdown.. I got sick to my stomach from the intense panic attack, and now it's a week later and I find myself worried about how to deal with the memories of last weekend.. It was awful, a lot of things were awful up until that day as well, and i had a better week leading up to this weekend, but i still find myself worried.. I fear doing the things I was doing last weekend when it happened (Eating at a certain time, gaming at a certain time, showering at a certain time, going outside to take the garbage out..) I don't want to do those things because my mind makes me think those things are what lead up to me having a panic attack even though this saturday is a lot different than last saturday, It's about four thirty in the afternoon and the panic attack/breakdown happened at night.. It was so intense because it was the first panic attack i had that bad for a long time, I mostly just get general anxiety thats more or less easier to deal with... How do you deal with the week later, the weeks later, the months or year anniversaries of a horrible memory or attack? And how the hell am i going to get through this night?

Woah, thats really intense about your panic anniversary coming up tomorrow! My first BIG SCARY panic attack was a few years ago when I was just playing games, It was hard for me to get through that, I was pretty unhealthy for a while, wouldn't eat, wouldn't even get up off the couch, I was always afraid.. I have come a long way since then and have suffered many panic and anxiety attacks but have somehow by the grace of god and or the universe, gotten through them.. Last sunday night i was worried about a repeat attack but even when I was having the symptoms I would normally get that trigger it, I didn't fight it.. My anxiety said "What if..." and i said "So WHAT?" I got through that night and I can get through this night as well.

I'm eating dinner at a different time tonight, We used to (as a family) eat dinner at about 7:30pm (as i stare at the clock, it just turned that time too).. We would watch movies and eat.. but when my dad went to the hospital, We'd always be late coming home, and if i didn't go see him, my mom would be late coming home.. so we didn't eat dinner until later.. 8.. and then 8:30pm ..

So, i'm changing things up a little tonight.. Maybe I can be afraid of things for just one night.. these things that remind me of last week.. the 8:30pm eating time.. the gaming, the shower after eating, the yoga, but I can't let anxiety stop me from being a happy person.. I refuse to let that happen...

So tonight is different, i'm doing different things.. Normally my OCD would be going into hyperdrive right now because I hate change, and that'll probably come later.

But, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

oh man that is the total worst isn't it? You're gonna just have to keep doing these things but instead of getting distressed if you do get anxious just look at it as practice. Prove that anxiety wrong! I know that relapse is total hell but you got to try to stay super positive, because the longer it takes you to get back on the horse and try again with a smile the longer it's going to seem to last.

I'm in the same boat you are as we speak! We can do it!