worried about missing the boat

Hi Belleadonna,

Even being in a secure relationship I still feel the way you are describing. But it is just a matter of countering the thinking. Trying to replace all the negative messages I give myself with positive ones. (It is not easy and does not always happen.) As far as dating. I too came to a point where I just knew I did not want to be alone and keeping myself locked up was not going to get my what I wanted. My therapist told me to date (not have sex) with a bunch of different men. Coffee was best. She wanted me to see all the different personality types and also build up my confidence. It was scary but it worked. And you don't have to tell them all your issues, especially right away. Your entire soul is not made up of your fears.

I wish I could say you won't get hurt but part of loving anyone or anything is a risk. There is no way we can go through life with passion and not experience the other end of it. I know this sounds silly but recently I lost one of my favorite "chickens" yes chicken. We raise chickens and they are pretty much pets. Anyway, one died a pretty tragic death and I was a mess. And the one thing that kept going through my mind was, "I was lucky to have her in my life a year." And, "Pain is a price we pay for love." But we survive it and move on. Yeah it still hurts but I have wonderful memories. (She was super fat and when she ran to me it looked like she was going to tip over.) I smile now when I think of that. You can spend your life protecting your heart or you can go out and love. When pain comes and it will, you will survive.

Lastly, I hope that you do what you want for you. The pressures from those around us can cause SO MUCH anxiety. Follow your heart and your own dreams. Take small risks and put yourself out there. Take care and don't give up.

Great advice JB! (and I am sorry to hear about your dear hen:( )
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Bella,

I am impressed that you have shown such wisdom about not jumping into questionable relationships...you say that it is because of anxiety, but I know of plenty of people with anxiety who go from one bad hook-up to the next...so I prefer to see you as smart and selective!!!

I love all of JB's words of wisdom...I will just add one thought more.

You do not have to be married to have a baby. I am not saying to go out there and just get 'knocked-up' by any means...rather, if you do not think that a relationship/marriage is going to happen soon (and you don't want to rush this!) then there are other considerations.

Some women who are able to financially, and with a support network, are choosing to get pregnant through donor sperm, and single parent.

This may or may not be a situation that you want to explore, but it is an option, and may help to take some of the worry of the 'ticking biological clock' away.

I wish you the best, and I have faith that the right one is waiting for you, just as you are waiting for him...you just have to find eachother.:)

Talk to you soon,

S.C.

hi a good site for safe dating is Christian Cafe online...I met some nice men on there. they are in eevery state. Dont give up. a frend of mine met a nice lady and they are married..now

hugs,Caren

I probably should have put in a bit about being unfair to myself as well as the other person. I don't want to give the impression I'd go all subservient if I met someone. :)