Anxiety/Depersonalization .. Or something else?

Hello all! As you can see, I am new to the forums but I have been looking through them the past few weeks. Let me start off by saying I'm a 19 yr. old male, highly athletic, in college, training to become a pilot, and overall a very happy and energetic guy. The past few years, I have been getting some Anxiety/Depersonalization always around this time of year. When summer rolls around it always seems to just disappear out of the blue. As of about a week ago, I was anxiety free for quite awhile. But then, it started back up. It usually is triggered by a worry I develop from a certain experience I had one day, and then that worry develops into more worries and so on.. I also think that it developed from just having to much time on my hands and letting my mind wander aimlessly. It's just a bummer and it really interferes with my mood and life. My symptoms are constant worries about health, Some minor panic attacks when I work myself up by saying to myself "this will never pass, I'll always stay this way", worries about if I'm going crazy and/or developing some sort of major mental issue, and depersonalization. Yesterday I had a EKG because I was so worried I had a heart problem the past week. I needed one anyways for college sports, but mainly I really wanted to get it to get my heart checked. It was normal. I worry a lot that "I'll never get better" or, "will I ever be my happy self again?" and this is what REALLY brings me down the most... it puts me in the weirdest mood just making me feel so sad. I would say the past week, I have let my anxiety get the best of me and have worried about 90% of every single day. Constant worries about "what If I have this?" "What if I don't get better?" What if.. What if.. This makes it very hard for me to focus on any positive thoughts throughout the day.

Along with my worries, I have depersonalization as well, which I know is a symptom of Anxiety. But I don't think it's ever been this bad ( that's what I thought before when it happened as well ). For this, my symptoms include just feeling not in touch with reality. I feel like I'm sorta living a dream. I space out a lot because of it which I never have done before. I look outside and at things in my house and nothing feels like how it used to be. I fall asleep at night and wake up worrying and in a minor panic because nothing looks/feels the same as it was. It's very hard to explain, and very scary for me like I'm sure it is for everybody else. Also it has made me completely mood-less. I haven't really been excited about anything lately and not my cheery self, which is REALLY unlike me. The only emotion I have been feeling is fear of what will happen to me or if I'll ever get better. Which I know I will, it just really sucks having to keep worrying about it all day.

Does this sound like Anxiety and Depersonalization? Or something more serious? It really worries me when I think I could have something potentially serious. Mainly my fear lately has been that I'll develop Schizophrenia. It's crazy how the mind works.. I appreciate your time and of course I'm going to stay positive through this entire episode. I'm only 19 and have so much in life to look forward too. Thanks again for letting me ramble on!

Barbz said...
Sounds exactly like anxiety. I go through this every year around same time and have the same thoughts. I'm sorry you are going through it so young.

Thank you for your reply. And no worries I've managed to get past it before and I will again . Just have to keep busy and get my mind on different things.

Hi, Hbrower!
I'm also 19 and plan on starting college in the summer. I recently moved to a new neighborhood with my mom, and unfortunately, I spend a LOT of time alone since I don't know anyone else (see my intro post).
I know EXACTLY what you're going through...depersonalization is THE scariest thing I've ever gone through. It got so bad to the point where I didn't even know my mom anymore; I had to constantly question, is this real? Is she imaginary? Am I dreaming? And then, I'd start to argue with myself which would cause even more stress, and I'd be afraid of developing schizophrenia or some other kind of scary dissociative disorder. I would go to sleep and wake up an hour later, in panic for really no reason.
It's been a few years now that I've had anxiety, and I haven't developed schizophrenia yet! :)
It sucks that you're going through this, and I honestly wouldn't wish this upon anyone. The one thing that's always helped me is knowing I'm not alone, and that throughout history, people have gone through moments like this (even Aristotle and Plato questioned reality!). Another thing is distraction: whether it be walking outside and listening to music, or doing some really complicated math problem - anything to keep the thoughts away. I'm also practicing acknowledging my thoughts, but not letting them stay. When I give too much attention to the negativity, my brain for some reason lets it linger.
I hope some of what I said helps you, Hbrower! Believe me, you are NOT going crazy - we all know what you're going through because we've been through it ourselves. :)

No problem, Hbrower - just trying to pass on the kindness as others have been kind to me on this forum. :)
I looove going out for jogs when the weather is nice, which is why I can't wait for the summer. Once I start school and find a job, things will be less stressful. Wish you the best!

I think I know somewhat of what you're going through. Here's how I feel. Maybe you can relate. I was doing fine for the the longest time. I mean, I've always had anxiety and have always been a hypochondriac, but some days/months/years are better than others. Like I said, I had been doing pretty well for a while, then all of a sudden, I just felt out of it. Nothing ever seemed to trigger it, it would just happen unexpectedly. From the moment I wake up, I don't feel right. I have kind of a light-headed, foggy thoughts, where am I type of feeling. I automatically feel my nerves and I start to shake a bit. Its like the second I wake up, I started thinking bad thoughts. There are points where I really believe Im going to pass out or just lose it. I get all of these sensations and pains in my body which make me panic even worse. Its like a never ending cycle, all day long, 24/7. When people talk to me it makes me feel strange. I feel like I'm being ganged up on or smothered. I just get so annoyed and irritated. I think I may suffer from depersonalization, also. I see and hear everything going on around me, and I react to it, but i feel like I'm a puppet being controlled by someone. Like I can join in on a conversation, but I have no idea where my voice is coming from. Im talking to someone, but my mind is completely somewhere else it feels like. Its really hard to explain, but its scary. i try to go outside to maybe relieve it, but it makes it worse sometimes. Sometimes things just seem so out of place, or just not what they used to be. SO hard to explain. It always makes me think something is seriously wrong with me. I had a CT that came back normal, and same with blood work but it doesnt give me any peace. The only thing that gives me a LITTLE peace are these forums. Sorry so long. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone and maybe you can relate to this.

I know exactly what you're going through. I think the part that scares me the most is that nothing has to trigger it, it just happens. I think I'm so scared and preoccupied with the feeling, that I can't get away from it. If I'm not feeling it, then I'll be like, " wow I'm actually feeling okay" then boom. There it is. I'm also worried about it turning into a serious mental illness and I'm also scared that it's something more that the doctors haven't figured out yet. Ugh. It's a vicious cycle. I've set up an appointment with a counselor. Have you done that yet? Hopefully that'll work a little. I don't wanna take meds bc I'm scared of side effects haha

Well I think deep down we both know it's just our Anxiety. It makes us feel like we have some mental illness when we really don't because we keep worrying we do. The mind is a crazy thing.. I find when I keep busy my DP/DR just fades away and same with my Anxiety, so I've been keeping very busy lately and it sure does help a lot. Especially hanging out with friends, that'll really take your mind off things. And yes I have a regular psychiatrist I go see but he never has prescribed me meds, nor would I want to take them. Usually just going and talking to him really relieves my anxiety knowing that there is somebody who will listen. We'll get through this, just gotta keep bust and keep our heads up!

It will, trust me! It's not a permanent condition it's just a symptom of anxiety and once we learn to control it, it will fade away.

dakota16 said...

Hbrower said...
It will, trust me! It's not a permanent condition it's just a symptom of anxiety and once we learn to control it, it will fade away.

Great thread with great advice... !
Good luck to you and remember that your constant worry is the cause of the symptoms, not the other way around.

I'd say your are more of a hypochondriac than a schizophrenic

Thank you! I just read a book and it's really helped me lately. I suggest it to anybody going through Depression/Anxiety.
It's called "Hope and Help For Your Nerves" By Claire Weekes. After reading this book, I now have the tools to help me with my worrying thoughts and feelings. I have accepted that this is just a phase I am going through, and in time, it will eventually pass. I definitely have a new outlook. Too all suffering with DP/DR/Anxiety/Depression/worrying thoughts.. etc. I highly recommend this book. Stay positive and remember that in time, it will pass.

Love & Peace

Lovemyfam2012 said...
Hi! I just listened to Dr. Claire Weekes's cd Pass Through Panic, and I thought it was excellent. She mentions her book that you mentioned above. I'll have to check it out!

It's a great book, life changing in my opinion. Really opened my eyes to see what's going on in my mind. And, she gives excellent advise in my opinion to overcome whats going on in our minds as well. Can't recommend it enough, you'll really enjoy it!

Welcome! I'm glad you feel comfort in reading these forums. Trust me, It's just Anxiety nothing more. I also have the brain fog and it's so hard to concentrate sometimes, I often space out on what I'm thinking about. And the 'not real" is just your derealization. It can be quite freaky. But both are just from Anxiety. Don't worry though, if you keep your mind busy and stay active the symptoms slowly start to diminish. Although my derealization is still with me, I've been feeling pretty good lately. I still have worrying thoughts medically wise but I've come to accept it's just my anxiety, and I don't freak out about it. Mainly right now It's just the brain fog, derealization, and thoughts but they are improving! I know it might be hard, but try to accept this is happening and don't worry. Let time pass and try to stay busy, most of all smile! Don't let it control your life, we'll get through it.

Don't feel like people will think you are crazy because you tell them, it feels good to get it out. Also, your no means crazy at all. none of us are. Think about it, if we were "crazy" we wouldn't be on there forums typing this! I've worried before about "what if I'm going crazy" and all those thoughts.. we aren't. It's just Anxiety, and so many people have suffered what we are going through. It's just a phase in our life and it'll pass! And in the past three weeks I've been experiencing this I've only had one nightmare. But, my dreams are VERY vivid. Also, I've woken up in a panic before for no reason so that freaked me out a bit and got my anxiety going. I've never had such vivid dreams in my life, probably because my mind is thinking all day long. I find when I play a video game it completely takes my mind off my anxiety and I totally forget I have it. It helps me sometimes!

Anyways sorry to ramble on, anything I can do to help another person. Keep your head up and remember to accept what's happening and just let time pass. If you have a bad thought about your health, don't try to fight it. I know how it feels and I go through the exact worries. Let it come in and accept it. But know it's just an exaggerated thought, and it means no harm. Your fine! It's just anxiety and it'll pass :)