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three steps forward and then one backward

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Posted 5/3/2012 2:03 AM (GMT 0)
Hello all.  After suffering really bad anxiety a few months ago -- relating to a particular issue that I could not stop thinking about (I was consummed every waking minute and pretty much unable to think about anything else) -- I started therapy and Lexapro.  This was the first time in  my life that I had any therapy or any psychological medication.

I have had A LOT of improvement since then.  I went from barely functioning and unable to sleep without medications to doing fine day to day, including functioning at a high level at a challenging and demanding job.  But this week has been worse.  I have been thinking more about the issue that troubles me, worrying more, etc. It is still nowhere close to as bad as it was 2 months ago.  But for the first time since then, I feel like I am not making continued progress, but instead doing a little bit worse.  I am hoping this is just a temporary bump in the road and that I am otherwise on an upward trajectory.  But of course it is a little bit disappointing to me and a little bit worrisome to be headed in the wrong direction.  I am also concerned because I do not seem to have the ability to direct my thoughts -- it seems to me like it is just "luck" whether I have positive, constructive thoughts or worry.

Any advice/suggestions/insights?  Thanks.

 

Posted 5/3/2012 3:19 AM (GMT 0)
It is not unusual to have small plateaus, or even setbacks as you are progressing. Like you said...you are still in a better place from where you began, and you are still making progress. You have not lost ground...and you do not have to start from the beginning...you just have to pick it up from where you are now, and keep moving forward!

I have experienced the same thing, and judging from the amount of posts on this subject, so have many memebers here.:) Don't get discouraged...keeping up the postitve attitude will help you to move along in your treatment.

Anxiety is a chronic condition that, even when managed, still has it's flare-ups occasionally...but you have improved before, and you will again!

Let us know how you are doing soon,

S.C.

Posted 5/3/2012 3:57 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Medved,

I so hate to be the bearer of bad news shakehead ...Axiety is relentless and no matter how hard we work at it, it will try us from time to time.

 

Fighting it most times does not work, it's like it has a life of it's own. When it comes on and for what ever reason it comes on...just roll with it, I say this all the time and what I really mean by this is...pay it as little respect as possible. Recognize it and tell it to take it's best shot and go about your business the best you can...far from easy, I know but it wants to consume you...so just roll with it and it will ease.

I used to think it was a setback, but I don't feel like that anymore...it's simply part of my life and I know how to manage it and that is by knowing that the sooner I ignore it , the less power I give to it. Just keep doing your thing and know that what ground you feel like you may have lost now, will be made up and then some down the road.

Best wishes.....WM

Posted 5/3/2012 9:13 PM (GMT 0)
I guess maybe it was not reasonable for me to expect continued, uninterrupted progress, so that my anxiety would diminish continuously until it disappeared forever. But until a couple of months ago I had lived a life largely free from anxiety, so I thought it was possible. I was feeling better and better, and moving on with life. It is really discouraging to take steps backward. Today I feel like I am worrying about things that I have not worried about for weeks -- and I do not know what to do to make it better. I can't seem to make myself think about other things. Wingman, I really have difficulty with the "just ignore it" approach...
Posted 5/4/2012 3:25 AM (GMT 0)
Medved,

I totally get that you will have difficulty ignoring it....if it wasn't difficult, you probably wouldn't have anxiety issues.

 

Look at it this way....when the anxiety gets intense you have two choices....thought wise at least. You can either get wrapped up in how horrible it feels and focus mostly on that....or....try to roll with it the best you can. In the past if I felt it come on hard and strong...I would maybe sip water, pace a little outside or just walk in my neighbor hood, or ride my bike....whatever it took just to at least try to divert it some. Sitting or laying and just thinking about how I felt would make it worse.

 

So you may not be able to totally ignore it, but try not to focus on how you feel...even to just a small degree would be better than nothing. I will tell you this....as you keep working on your methods, it is possible that when anxiety hits hard....you may not make it go away but you can decrease the amount of time that it affects you.....once something triggers the sensations, at that point the adrenalin and other chemicals are being released....by rolling with it the best you can, it will help your brain stop releasing the chemicals faster.

 

It takes time and patience and certainly after long periods of time...anxiety can come back and hit us hard, but by learning how to manage it better will cause it less often and less intense......When you feel good, reach of all the positive you can get...when you feel bad, don't get frustrated or fight it....just roll with it best you can and know it will pass...it always does.

Posted 5/4/2012 3:19 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Wing. What you say makes good sense. I have a small sign over my desk, in my office, that says "This Too Shall Pass." (It is in another language, which few other people here speak, so nobody else has any idea what it says). I look at the sign when I am stressed at work. My anxiety may be a little bit unusual because it relates to one particular issue. (Maybe it has roots that go beyond that -- something I guess I may learn about through therapy -- but essentially relates to one issue). So a key for me is to not think about that issue. Easier said than done, of course, since the issue is of great concern to me. I think the anxiety I have felt the last day or two was caused by my having happened to read a newspaper article about the issue that is of concern to me. Bad luck that I happened to see that article. It led to my reading more stuff, and increased anxiety. Yesterday was the worst day I have had in about a month. Some of the things that have worked for other people, such as breathing exercises, don't seem to work too well for me, when my anxiety is high. They just annoy me and I feel like I am wasting time. I am on low doses of medication (Lexapro 5mg and Atenolol 25mg). I may need more. But I really prefer low doses, and to get off meds when I can. I was doing really well before the events of the past 2 days. Hopefully I can turn this around...
Posted 5/4/2012 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hey medved,

Since your anxeity is focused only on one issue, have you considered getting treatment for phobia-specific anxiety?

Phobias are within the anxiety spectrum, but the treatment of them differs from that of panic, or GAD, so I would recommend looking into some sources for your specific phobia, or phobias in general.

Here is a link that I found for a self-help program. You may want to look up more through Amazon, or other sources on the web. (or if you are currently in therapy, ask your therapist about exposure therapy or other phobia treatment methods that you can work on together.)

http://www.phobiascured.com/ebook2.htm

Best wishes for a peaceful day:)

S.C.

Posted 5/4/2012 5:45 PM (GMT 0)
medved,

Big Breath !

 

Relapse is common, perhaps even inevitable. Experts urge people not to be derailed by it but to think of it as an integral part of the change process. You learn something about yourself each time you relapse. For example, you may find that the strategy you adopted didn’t fit into your life or suit your priorities. Next time, you can use what you learned, adjust, and be a little ahead of the game as you continue on the pathway to change.

I know exactly how you feel and everytime I go backwards I feel sad but then I remember that I am strong and I will get past the bump in the road and be on my way again.

Don't beat yourself about taking a step or two backwards but learn to accept it and believe in yourself that you will move forward again. 

Take care and keep talking with us.

Kindly,

Kitt

 

Posted 5/4/2012 6:55 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Kitt. Part of the disappointment is I really thought I was doing everything right, and moving on with life. It was going well. I had a lot less worry, was sleeping well, etc. The only trigger I can think of for my "relapse" was reading a particular newspaper article. I did not think I was so "fragile" that I could be sent into a tailspin (ok, maybe too strong a word, but you get the idea) just by reading an article. I thought I had made more progress than that. I don't have pdoc appointment this week because he is away on vacation. Next week. I really hope I am not "starting over at square one." But I honestly don't know how to control what I think about.
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