Posted 5/15/2012 8:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, I am dealing with soo much anxiety right now, it is too overwhelming!! It started when I decided to quit my job to go back to school because my boyfriend said he wanted to marry a career woman. I want to be a wonderful career woman. well, a few months past by and my tax money that I sat aside for me if I was not working started to deplete. And I went to New York one weeked and the entire weekend I pretty much had anxiety all weekend from the plane ride there and back. Now I am home, no job, broke and looking into starting college, oh and I am also looking for a part time job. My stress level went to the roof.. I also have a history of abusing xanax, so my mind is already a little scarred from years of those... Well, last Saturday I woke up and right above my right ear and my temple was throbbing and tingling. It was a feeling I have never felt before. It actually hurt and was scary at the same time. I don't have health insurance so right off the bat I think, "uh oh, something is wrong with me that I have never felt before and I don't have the luxury to just go to regular doctor and talk to one.. I am working on getting health insurance, but for right now,not having any is soo hard on me mentally. A close relative works at a place that has a doctor, and he agreed to see me no charge. He said my ear was a little red, but no infection was present. He did not have better equipment to really give me a thorough checkup. He prescribed me an antibiotic and an anti-inflammitory. I have been taking it for about a week now, and I feel a little difference, but I will be sitting in class, and I get that wave of sickness in my head and body.. I have this eerie light pressure on the right side of my head.. I also have been getting slight burning pains in my stomach region. Sometimes I will do a light burb and a little something will come up with it, not alot to fully throwup, but enough to feel it when I burp. I try soo hard to take my mind off of it. But when my body gets those waves of sickness in my head and body, it makes me feel week and ill........ I try to tell myself that it is anxiety, but then my mind would be like, "how can anxiety make me feel soo sick!" I will take a half of a kolinapin, and that seems to help a little, but I feel that this process needs a little more attention!! There were a couple times in the past week I almost wanted to get up from what I was doing and drive myself to the ER and rack up a hefty bill just for them to tell me nothing is wrong.. man that stinks soo bad!! It is a no win situation for all I feel.. Reading these posts for sure helps me alot because I know that anxiety can affect anyone differently. I had a panic attack one time years ago where my arms were locked in right angles next to my sides, and I was in the shower talking to my mom crying my eyes out.. That was only one of my real bad attacks.. I wish I did not have anxiety, but I can go months without an attack or even anxiety and feel great and on top of the world, and then something significant will happen and all my anxiety comes rushing back. My borfriend and I have been together for a year, and he says " we have been together for a year and now you are like this?" Like it is my fault... He suffers from depression and drinks alot.. He can finish off a bottle of whisky in two days.. That makes me soo angry because i gave up drinking and being around him when he drinks makes me nervous.. uugghhh... I am pretty sure this is a funk for both of us, and I am trying to cope with his depression, and my anxiety, but this is one of the hardest things I had to do in a long time!!I hope to see a light at the end of this chapter, and rise up to eating healthy and exercising and preparing myself for a full time career, marriage and possibly a kid or two.. But a friend once told me "God gave you only what you can handle in life." I hope they were right!!